Captain Jason

February 13, 2011

2011-02-13T20:19:00.003-05:00

I created a new gmail address and once again after 5 years found I had access to the blog, I lost the original sign in info.

I thought I would update my contact info for any who reads this blog:

Katy Zatsick RCWP (Roman Catholic Woman Priest, ordained 2/6/10)
Address:
1904 Canterbury Ln, M-21
Sun City Center, FL 33573

I expect to have surgery this year on my lower back as it has become painful and interferes with my daily living and activities. I moved to the Tampa area to be near my daughter Lisa in anticipation of this surgery.

I attend the parish liturgies presided over by my Bishop Bridget Mary Meehan in Sarasota FL. To see what we are about see BridgetMarys.blogspot.com for current news and the Association of RCWP for our mission statement, etc. Come join us in an inclusive liturgy near you!

Dow Scott continues to live in Chicago.
Jodi Scott is living in Gainesville FL and attending Un of FL.
Jason Scott is working as a civilian at McDill Air Force Base in Tampa.
Lisa Ryan is working half-time at Un of Tampa, on the campus once the Plant resort of the early 20th century.
My grandchildren are JC 14 (8th grade) loving football and computers, Jon 13(7th grade) loves soccer and basketball, Ellie 9 (4th grade) loves dogs and stuffed animals.

Blessings and have a wonderful, filled with Love Valentine's Day.

I have a new blog and expect to write to this one very rarely

2010-04-19T22:28:00.002-05:00

Dear Friends,

Jason and Jodi were married on Halloween on a Disney cruise in the Bahamas. I was invited and able to attend. They and two dogs and two cats live in the DC area. Jodi is applying to vet schools and Jason works for Homeland Security. I wish them all the happiness in the world.

Dow and I were divorced in Sept 2009, I see I entered the wrong date. He lives in Chicago, teaching at Loyola University.

I have changed my address
3099 Kirklevington Dr. Apt 18
Kirklevington KY 40517

Katyzatsick@insightbb.com
cell 773 401 4012
home 859 368 0666

I have a new blog Katyzatsickrcwp.blogspot.com/ you can check out my thoughts etc there. If you are on Facebook I am there as Katy Zatsick, make me your friend.

I was ordained a Roman Catholic Women Priest February 6 2010. I checked Google and there is lots of info on the web including photos of the ordination.

I am actively looking for ministry as RCWP and will move from KY if God wills. I have been to DC and will head to Chicago probably in the next month. I want to explore Atlanta as we have two Roman Catholic Women Priests (RCWP)to-be living there. I do not know what God has in store but I am delighted to be where I am at age 67. I visit Jason's niece and nephews regularly, they live in Tampa and I even snow birded for a month for the first time this year

Catching up With Jason and Life

2009-05-12T19:38:00.002-05:00

Hello to all,

It has been a long time since I posted but I thought this would be a good time to update the blog. This will most likely be my final entry. I will start another about my personal journey. Look for me on the net.

1. Jason and his fiance Jodi Bower will be married October 30 during a Disney Cruise to the Bahamas.

2. Jason has graduated from University of Florida at Gainesville with a MBA. He is having a challenge finding a position. (The economy is not good for anyone and difficult for a new MBA)

3. Dow and I were divorced as of September 8, 2008. Dow continues to reside in Chicago.

4. I now reside in Lexington KY where I am pursuing a new career in my "retirement." I am studying to be ordained as a Roman Catholic Woman Priest. If all goes well I will be ordained in about 1 1/2 years. Then it is up to God to "show me the way." See RCWP.org on the web.

My new address is
Katy Borkowski-Zatsick
3099 Kirklevington Dr. #39
Lexington KY 40517

I have a sofa sleeper, so give me a call if you come through town.
Would love to see you.

859 368 06666
Katyzatsick@insightbb.com

Jason and Jodi are Engaged! Update on Life

2008-07-26T12:24:00.000-05:00

Jason has completed one year of a two year MBA at the University of Florida Gainesville. He plans to graduate spring 2009. Jodi continues her undergraduate studies and plans to graduate December 2008. Jason spent 2 months in Chicago as an intern for Turner Construction this past spring. He is attending summer school in FL. Lisa and Jason stay in contact by phone and text messaging. I hear from her what is happening in Jason's and Jodi's busy lives.

Jason and Jodi became engaged on July 4th 2008.
Plans are for a fall wedding in 2009. They are discussing a wedding on a Disney cruise.
Jason gave Jodi a blue diamond for her ring surrounded by other diamonds.

Join me in wishing Jason and Jodi the very best for a lifetime of happiness and adventures.
together.

Jason and Jodi relinquished Clive their hedgehog mascot to a new human companion as they could not take care of Clive as they felt he needed. Jason and Jodi now have 2 dogs and 3 cats living "on the ark" as Jodi stated it.

Dow's and my divorce will be finalized in Chicago August 14, 2008.

October 14th-The Second Anniversary of Jason's wounding in Iraq

2007-10-20T20:51:00.000-05:00

It is the week of Jason's wounding in Iraq. I presided at liturgy in my small faith community on the 14th and wrote a liturgy of Thanksgiving for Jason's life. As I remembered those first days at Walter Reed I thought of all the good kind people we met and who befriended us. I want to say "Thank you, you will always be in my heart. Your goodness changed my life. Your kindness brought me through hell."

Thank you to:
1. First and foremost to Jodi Bower who every day spoke with Jason at noon and 9 PM.
(Jason lives with Jodi in Gainesville where they both go to college.)

2 To the medic in Jason's platoon who that night used a tourniquet and saved Jason's life.

3 The medical team in Bilaud, in Landstuhl, on the plane who brought Jason to the USA.
the Medical teams at Walter Reed: Dr Golarz, Dr Fritch, Dr Garvey, all the RN's and CNA's. A special thanks to Kyla who was Jason's PT the whole time he was at WR.

4 All the support staff on post at Walter Reed, who helped even as they were overwhelmed at the needs of the Very Seriously Injured soldiers and their families.

5 To the psychiatric staff who offered their support especially Dr. Wayne.

6 The folks who came and stayed with Jason that first month: Col Martha Turner now retired, Ginger Williams, Gilda Carbanaro, Gary from Jonah House, Jason's Aunts: Barbara, Sue and Nancy, Patrice Gilbert, Jason's army buddy Dan who met Jason when he arrived at WR from Landstuhl, my sister Judy and her husband Stan who visited Jason while he was in Landstuhl.

7The folks at Quixote Center, a place of healing and spiritual comfort for me.

8 The wounded soldiers who befriended Jason and myself and all the members of their families.

9 So many visitors: Bob and Judy Madigan, Paul Stromberg, Chuck Norris, Fleetwood Mack, Bishop Emeritus Walter Sullivan, Dennis Morajda, Bernie Byrne, Bill and Vira Sisolak

10 Dianne Nue who was my counselor/friend/spiritual director while I was at WR

11 A very special thanks to my daughter Lisa who visited regularly and did the most marvelous managing of communication and scheduling especially during those first hectic months at WR. She also handled the Travel Fund for Jason which reached about $15000 in donations for travel for family and friends to spend time with Jason. Blessings on you Lisa

12 For all of you who continually sent cards and gifts to Jason so that he might not feel alone.

13 For all of you who continually prayed for Jason's healing.

Note from Mother's Day: Jason and Jodi are living in Gainesville.

2007-05-12T13:21:00.000-05:00

Hello to everyone,
If you have read the blog, Jason and Jodi have a new dog(named Dingo) and new house.
Jason and Jodi moved a couple of weeks ago so this is their address.
Both will enter Un. of Florida this coming fall.

1007 NE 1st Ave
Gainesville, FL 32601

Hope your move went well.
Jodi and i are leaving for spain today!
Bye
Jason

What I found interesting was that little end line..."Jodi and i are leaving for spain today!"

For me, Jason and Jodi going to Spain is the very best gift I will ever receive for Mother's Day.
For those who know the journey of Jason from Iraq through his year at Walter Reed, truly this is a miracle. The gift of his life, being birthed anew, for the world. May Jason enjoy life to the fullest and may he shine as bright as the sun for all to see.

My heart, in deepest humility, is filled to overflowing with thankfulness
as I bow before the Power of universes which moves to heal and create.

My new address:
Katy Zatsick
6300 N. Wayne Ave Fl #1
Chicago, IL 60660-1308

Have a very Happy Mother's Day
Whether
You remember your mother now deceased,
Celebrate your own being a mother,
Enjoy your own mother,
or the mothers who have blessed you in life.

Jason and Jodi Move to Gainseville

2007-04-22T14:57:00.000-05:00

Hello everyone,
I want to give you sites:

1. Jason and Jodi's and the Clive's new home in May:
http://picasaweb.google.com/jscott1617/House?authkey=s__NR6ytvNs

and

2. Jason's new "waited a long time for" puppy, an Australian Cattle Shepherd.
http://picasaweb.google.com/jscott1617/Dingo?authkey=mJ2bVTqa0ng

Jason and Jodi will start school at the University of Florida in Gainseville this fall.

I pray each of you is having a wonderful spring.
I remember each of you and your support for us while at WRAMC and will never forget you.
I give thanks for your goodness and kindness to us,
your goodness is as spring flowers in bloom in my heart
giving sunshine to my soul.

Do keep Jason and Jodi and all of us in your prayers,
Let us work and pray for peace that all soldiers may return home safely to their families and friends,
Many Blessings,
Katy

WP: Privatized WR Workforce Gets Scrutiny

2007-03-10T20:19:00.000-05:00

Privatized Walter Reed Workforce Gets Scrutiny
Army Facility Lost Dozens Of Maintenance Workers

By Steve Vogel and Renae Merle
Washington Post Staff Writers
Saturday, March 10, 2007; A03

The scandal over treatment of outpatients at Walter Reed Army Medical Center has focused attention on the Army's decision to privatize the facilities support workforce at the hospital, a move commanders say left the building maintenance staff undermanned.

Some Democratic lawmakers have questioned the decision to hire IAP Worldwide Services, a contractor with connections to the Bush administration and to KBR, a Halliburton subsidiary.

Last year, IAP won a $120 million contract to maintain and operate Walter Reed facilities. The decision reversed a 2004 finding by the Army that it would be more cost-effective to keep the work in-house. After IAP protested, Army auditors ruled that the cost estimates offered by in-house federal workers were too low. They had to submit a new bid, which added 23 employees and $16 million to their cost, according to the Army.

Yesterday, the American Federation of Government Employees, the largest federal workers union, blamed pressure on the Army from the White House's Office of Management and Budget for the decision to privatize its civilian workforce.

"Left to its own devices, the Army would likely have suspended this privatization effort," John Gage, president of the organization, said in a statement. "However, the political pressure from OMB left Army officials with no choice but to go forward, even if that resulted in unsatisfactory care to the nation's veterans."

The Army selected IAP for the five-year deal in January 2006, but IAP did not take over management until last month. During that period, the number of facilities management workers at Walter Reed dropped from about 180 to 100, and the hospital found it hard to hire replacements.

Maj. Gen. George W. Weightman, who was Walter Reed's commander until he was relieved last week, testified this week that the privatization -- in combination with a decision by the Pentagon in 2005 to close Walter Reed by 2011 -- "absolutely" contributed to the problems.

IAP said in a statement it has "responded with a sense of urgency to address maintenance concerns throughout the [Walter Reed] complex."

Sen. Barbara A. Mikulski (D-Md.) charged this week that the Bush administration had unfairly blamed federal workers for problems "that are a direct result of the Bush administration's contracting out policy."

The White House did not respond to a request for comment.

IAP, based in Cape Canaveral, has provided such services to the government as delivering ice in the Gulf Coast after Hurricane Katrina and helping maintain Afghanistan's air traffic control system. In 2006, the firm had $393 million in military contracts, according to Pentagon data.

IAP is owned by Cerberus Capital Management LP, an asset-management firm chaired by former Treasury secretary John W. Snow. The company is headed by two former high-ranking executives of KBR, formerly known as Kellogg Brown & Root. Al Neffgen, IAP's chief executive, was chief operating officer for a KBR division before joining IAP in 2004. IAP's president, Dave Swindle, is a former KBR vice president.

The company has worked at Walter Reed since 2003, providing housekeepers, computer analysts and clerks under a Treasury contract.

In an unrelated case, the U.S. attorney's office in Maryland announced that a Rockville contractor, Leon Krachyna Jr., pleaded guilty yesterday to a charge of bribing a Walter Reed official.

The official, Kevin R. Roach, was indicted in October for conspiracy and obstruction. According to court papers, Roach, a civilian contract specialist for the Army Medical Command, received kickbacks between 1999 and 2003 in exchange for favorable treatment of companies controlled by Krachyna and his partner, Louis Pisani Jr. Roach and Pisani await trial.

At a Fort Myer ceremony yesterday, the Army bade farewell to Secretary Francis J. Harvey, forced to resign over Walter Reed. Leaders, he said, must show "that they will be held personally accountable for their decisions."

"Unacceptable" is NOT the word that I would use!

2007-02-23T16:34:00.000-05:00

Care of wounded U.S. troops "unacceptable": Gates

By Andrew Gray1 hour, 39 minutes ago

Defense Secretary Robert Gates on Friday branded the outpatient care of U.S. troops wounded in Iraq and Afghanistan "unacceptable" and promised officials would be held accountable for the failings.

The Bush administration has scrambled to address problems at the flagship Walter Reed Army Medical Center after newspaper reports showed wounded troops were living in shoddy conditions and struggling with bureaucratic procedures.

"After the facts are established, those responsible for having allowed this unacceptable situation to develop will indeed be held accountable," Gates said on a visit to the hospital, making his first public comments on the issue.

The Pentagon has announced an independent review into outpatient care due to the reports. Gates said some people most directly responsible for the problems had already been relieved of their duties but scrutiny would not end there.

"We will be looking (at) and evaluating the rest of the chain of command as we get more information," he told reporters at the hospital on the outskirts of Washington, D.C. No one had offered to resign, he said.

After a lengthy investigation, The Washington Post reported on Sunday that recuperating soldiers were living in a dilapidated building infested with mice, mold, and cockroaches.

The U.S. Army says it has already fixed some of the problems.

The newspaper also found wounded troops forced to untangle a web of bureaucratic red tape to obtain benefits and treatment as they coped with physical and psychological trauma.

Government investigators found the typical soldier must file 22 documents with eight different commands to enter and exit the medical processing system, the Post reported.

"They battled our foreign enemies -- they should not have to battle an American bureaucracy," Gates declared. (My emphasis)

President George W. Bush has frequently praised wounded U.S. troops for their sacrifices.

After a visit to Walter Reed last December, he said: "We owe them all we can give them -- not only for when they're in harm's way, but when they come home to help them adjust if they have wounds, or help them adjust after their time in service."

Gates said he had briefed Bush on Friday before visiting the hospital. "He is understandably concerned and emphatic in wanting the best possible care for our wounded soldiers and for their families," he said.

About 31,000 U.S. soldiers have been evacuated for medical reasons, 4,000 of them with battle injuries, from the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, a top Army officer said this week.

Outpatients at Walter Reed are largely troops who have received initial medical care but require further treatment before they can go home or return to duty. The average outpatient stay lasts 10 months, the Washington Post said.

Army Fixing Patients' Housing-WP 2/20/07

2007-02-23T11:32:00.000-05:00

Army Fixing Patients' Housing
Changes Underway At Walter Reed

By Dana Priest and Anne Hull
Washington Post Staff Writers
Tuesday, February 20, 2007; A01

Walter Reed Army Medical Center began repairs yesterday on Building 18, a former hotel that is used to house outpatients recuperating from injuries suffered in Iraq and Afghanistan and that has been plagued with mold, leaky plumbing and a broken elevator.

The facility's commander, Maj. Gen. George W. Weightman, said Army staff members inspected each of the 54 rooms at the building and discovered that outstanding repair orders for half the rooms had not been completed. He said that mold removal had begun on several rooms and that holes in ceilings, stained carpets and leaking faucets were being fixed.

Walter Reed, the Army's premier medical facility, has turned into a holding ground for wounded soldiers during 5 1/2 years of sustained combat. Almost 700 outpatients suffering from physical injuries and psychological problems live on the 113-acre military post or in nearby quarters. Many linger there for 18 months or longer as they move through the Army's numbing bureaucracy.

A Washington Post series over the weekend described "The Other Walter Reed," where overdoses, suicide attempts and depression among outpatients are the parallel narrative to the spit-polish hallways of the renowned hospital.

Building 18, in particular, symbolizes the indifference and neglect that many of the wounded say they experience at Walter Reed.

Yesterday, Weightman said a broken elevator in the building had been repaired and soldiers were working to improve the outside of the building, including removing ice and snow. The slippery conditions have kept some soldiers in their rooms. A garage door that has been broken for months will soon be repaired as well.

Spec. Jeremy Duncan, whose room has a moldy wall that was featured in one photograph in the Post series, has been moved to another room while workers make repairs. Duncan will be able to return to his room when the work is completed, Weightman said.

Walter Reed and Army officials have been "meeting continuously for three days" since the articles began appearing, Weightman said. A large roundtable meeting with Army and Defense Department officials will take place at the Pentagon early this morning to continue talks about improvements in the outpatient system, he added.

Weightman said the medical center has received an outpouring of concern about conditions and procedures since the articles appeared and has taken steps to improve what soldiers and their families describe as a messy battlefield of bureaucratic problems and mistreatment.

"We're starting to attack how we'll fix and mitigate" some of the problems, he said.

Social workers will now be stationed around the clock at Mologne House, the 200-room hotel on the post where many of the outpatients live. Plans are being developed to better train other staff members who deal with outpatient needs.

The Army will also consider moving some outpatients to its other medical centers throughout the United States and will determine over the next weeks whether more workers are needed at Walter Reed.

WRAMC investigates Dr. Michael Wagner, Head of Family Assistance while we were at WR

2007-02-23T11:26:00.000-05:00

Hospital Investigates Former Aid Chief

Walter Reed Official Had Own Charity

By Dana Priest and Anne Hull

Washington Post Staff Writers
Tuesday, February 20, 2007; Page A01

For the past three years, Michael J. Wagner directed the Army's largest effort to help the most vulnerable soldiers at Walter Reed Army Medical Center. His office in Room 3E01 of the world-renowned hospital was supposed to match big-hearted donors with thousands of wounded soldiers who could not afford to feed their children, pay mortgages, buy plane tickets or put up visiting families in nearby hotels.

But while he was being paid to provide this vital service to patients, outpatients and their relations, Wagner was also seeking funders and soliciting donations for his own new charity, based in Texas, according to documents and interviews with current and former staff members. Some families also said Wagner treated them callously and made it hard for them to receive assistance.

Last week, Walter Reed launched a criminal investigation of Wagner after The Washington Post sought a response to his activities while he ran the Army's Medical Family Assistance Center, a position he left several weeks ago. Maj. Gen. George W. Weightman, the commander at Walter Reed, said the probe by the Criminal Investigation Command (CID) "reflects the seriousness with which we take these allegations."

Weightman's legal adviser, Col. Samuel Smith, said that "it would clearly be a conflict of interest" prohibited by federal law, Army regulations and Defense Department ethics rules if Wagner used his position to solicit funds for his own organization.

The saga of the Medical Family Assistance Center is just one example of the problems at Walter Reed, where nearly 700 soldiers and Marines from the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan live as outpatients while recuperating. Some families are happy with the help they received from Wagner and his office, and many soldiers and their families applauded the dedication of workers there. Others said that they had problems with Wagner and that the center seemed chaotic and disorganized.

"We had many family members who came to me because they couldn't get a respectful and compassionate response from Dr. Wagner," said Peggy Baker, director of a charity that helps wounded soldiers, Operation First Response.

Wagner, who has a doctorate in education, resigned his position last month to work full time on his Military, Veteran and Family Assistance Foundation, based in Dallas. The foundation includes the Phoenix Project, which runs marriage retreats for soldiers returning from combat. According to its Web site, the foundation is supported by several corporations, other foundations and individuals.

In a phone interview, Wagner denied he had solicited funds or made contact with donors during office hours. "It's just not true," he said. "I intentionally stayed out of that. I couldn't do that. I couldn't do both." He said he is not paid by the foundation. The documents that would verify that have not yet been filed with the Internal Revenue Service.

Wagner said his superiors "knew of my involvement right from the beginning." Weightman said the command had been unaware of Wagner's Texas charity until recently.

Wagner defended his work at the center. "My only purpose and my priority 12 to 19 hours a day was to assist the families of the wounded," he said. "I saw 6,000 people coming back from Iraq and Afghanistan. I did my best, but I'm not God. What I did there was a job that was superhuman."

Wagner said that the charity was founded by his brother and that he did not officially become its executive director until he left Walter Reed. But fundraising documents from early January, before he resigned, list him as the director, and the organization's Web site called him its executive director months before he resigned.

In a fundraising letter he signed shortly before he quit the Medical Family Assistance Center, Wagner referred to his work at Walter Reed. As head of the center, he wrote, "I have had over a thousand citizens in this great country asking what they might be able to do at Walter Reed for our wounded troops and their families. I found myself telling them that Walter Reed was blessed with the outpouring of the goodness and generosity of the American public and that if they were really interested in assisting, they should look within their own communities."

But, his letter continued, "I realized they were not working with their local communities so . . . I decided to found the Military, Veteran and Family Assistance Foundation to do just this, to do what I am able to help our soldiers reenter their home and local community."

Wagner included an ambitious business plan to take the charity from a $237,000 pilot project in the first year, which ended in August 2006 -- while he was working at Walter Reed -- to a $145 million foundation by 2011. He signed the letter "Executive Director and Founder."

Leita Sosin, an 11-year Army veteran who worked in Wagner's office for two years, said she complained to him and to co-workers about his involvement with the charity. "It really broke me to see what he was doing," said Sosin, 29, a former Army operating-room technician. "Instead of working with the families at Walter Reed and with us, he spent all his time putting together the Phoenix Project."

Moscow Spencer, a case manager fired by Wagner in October, also complained to her co-workers. "All day long he'd work on his program," she said. "If someone came in to donate money, he would talk to them about his project."

Sosin said the office was overwhelmed by the number of families who needed assistance and who were confused by the complex bureaucracy. "Everyone needed help, but you couldn't get them the help as fast as they needed it," she said. "Someone like me could scream all day about how it was broken, but no one wanted to take the time to fix it."

She also said Wagner was arrogant toward some staff members and families. "People got hurt in the process, whether it be financially or because he promised a lot of things he never followed up on," she said.

In April, Sosin said, she laid out her concerns in a three-page letter to her superiors. She received no response and resigned. Wagner said that Sosin never complained to him and that he had no idea why she quit.

Poverty among soldiers returning from war is not uncommon. While they continue to live on the Army payroll until they return to active duty or are discharged, some experience a substantial decrease in pay when combat pay or hazard pay disappears.

Some Army families breach the poverty line when a spouse quits a job to help the soldier recuperate; mortgage payments don't stop, and they still need to feed their children. Many turn to the generosity of Americans eager to prove they have not forgotten the troops' sacrifices. While staff members and soldiers acknowledge that some families take advantage of the plentiful freebies at Walter Reed, many others ask for help only as a last resort.

The assistance center is supposed to be the connection between a soldier's family and private donors. Until recently, it did not accept cash contributions but instead matched families' needs -- for bus or plane tickets, clothing, emergency food vouchers, grants for mortgages or living expenses -- with organizations set up to help.

According to Walter Reed, 14 families on average seek assistance from the center each day. Although it is difficult to quantify the value of donations, the center received $4,500 worth of phone cards in 2006 and handled $1.9 million worth of donated plane tickets. Weightman said the center's staff was recently increased from five to nine employees, with two people assigned to keeping track of the donations, and training has been improved.

The system for receiving donations is often confusing, even for the staff, Weightman said. "There's too much for any one person to know, but depending on the question, they may know [the answer] or direct you to the person who does know it."

Some soldiers go directly to the many volunteer organizations set up to help the wounded. Last year, Wagner began an effort to funnel all requests and donations through the family assistance center. It was a good idea, said Sosin and others, but because Wagner seemed preoccupied, a bottleneck of requests resulted.

"It was really all at the expense of the service member," said Sandra Butterfield, who worked at Walter Reed as an ombudsman for a Defense Department-funded relief organization. "He decreed that everything had to go through him," and it didn't seem to matter if that slowed the process. Officials, she said, "don't understand what it meant to have no money. Family members changed the sheets, empty the bedpan. But they are leaving their homes across the country. . . . Every day I came home angry."

Some families were also angered by the way Wagner treated them.

"The patient care was absolutely wonderful, but the administration was horrible, especially Dr. Wagner," said Maria Mendez, whose 25-year-old nephew, Spec. Roberto Reyes Jr., suffered severe brain and limb damage when a mine exploded near him outside Baghdad. "It was like running around in circles. He was never around."

"They were unprofessional, discourteous and uncompassionate all in one," Mendez said. "I was very surprised. You figure any family who's gone through such devastation, then faces this, to be treated with such unprofessionalism . . . it's like you're putting salt on the wounds."

Frustrated, Mendez set up an account for her sister, Aida Rivera, Reyes's mother, to pay for her stay at Walter Reed. Rivera eventually got financial assistance from the Army and outside organizations, but she also received a $3,519 bill from Mologne House, a hotel at Walter Reed, for her stay as her son's nonmedical attendant.

Staff members from other offices also complained to the command about Wagner, according to memos obtained by The Post. In one, an employee, who asked not to be named, questioned why a soldier's mother "who had subsisted on dried soups . . . due to her lack of funds" could not get help. Four months after approaching the center, the memo said, the mother had not received the per diem owed her as her child's nonmedical attendant "and has no cash for essentials nor emergencies."

A wife who accompanied her wounded husband, who was based in Germany, said Wagner asked her repeatedly why she did not return to Germany so she could continue working. The woman "reported she felt harassed and bullied but that she held her ground," the employee's memo states.

Wagner said families were often angry at his office, not because it failed them but because they were distraught over their situation. "Their true need is an emotional one. They're going to be angry at somebody. . . . I did my best; no, more than my best."

Staff researcher Julie Tate contributed to this report.

WP 2/18/07: Soldiers Face Neglect, Frustration at Army's Top Facility

2007-02-18T18:59:00.000-05:00

Soldiers Face Neglect, Frustration at Army's Top Medical Facility

By Dana Priest and Anne Hull
The Washington Post

Sunday 18 February 2007

Behind the door of Army Spec. Jeremy Duncan's room, part of the wall is torn and hangs in the air, weighted down with black mold. When the wounded combat engineer stands in his shower and looks up, he can see the bathtub on the floor above through a rotted hole. The entire building, constructed between the world wars, often smells like greasy carry-out. Signs of neglect are everywhere: mouse droppings, belly-up cockroaches, stained carpets, cheap mattresses.

This is the world of Building 18, not the kind of place where Duncan expected to recover when he was evacuated to Walter Reed Army Medical Center from Iraq last February with a broken neck and a shredded left ear, nearly dead from blood loss. But the old lodge, just outside the gates of the hospital and five miles up the road from the White House, has housed hundreds of maimed soldiers recuperating from injuries suffered in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

The common perception of Walter Reed is of a surgical hospital that shines as the crown jewel of military medicine. But 5 1/2 years of sustained combat have transformed the venerable 113-acre institution into something else entirely - a holding ground for physically and psychologically damaged outpatients. Almost 700 of them - the majority soldiers, with some Marines - have been released from hospital beds but still need treatment or are awaiting bureaucratic decisions before being discharged or returned to active duty.

They suffer from brain injuries, severed arms and legs, organ and back damage, and various degrees of post-traumatic stress. Their legions have grown so exponentially - they outnumber hospital patients at Walter Reed 17 to 1 - that they take up every available bed on post and spill into dozens of nearby hotels and apartments leased by the Army. The average stay is 10 months, but some have been stuck there for as long as two years.

Not all of the quarters are as bleak as Duncan's, but the despair of Building 18 symbolizes a larger problem in Walter Reed's treatment of the wounded, according to dozens of soldiers, family members, veterans aid groups, and current and former Walter Reed staff members interviewed by two Washington Post reporters, who spent more than four months visiting the outpatient world without the knowledge or permission of Walter Reed officials. Many agreed to be quoted by name; others said they feared Army retribution if they complained publicly.

While the hospital is a place of scrubbed-down order and daily miracles, with medical advances saving more soldiers than ever, the outpatients in the Other Walter Reed encounter a messy bureaucratic battlefield nearly as chaotic as the real battlefields they faced overseas.

On the worst days, soldiers say they feel like they are living a chapter of "Catch-22." The wounded manage other wounded. Soldiers dealing with psychological disorders of their own have been put in charge of others at risk of suicide.

Disengaged clerks, unqualified platoon sergeants and overworked case managers fumble with simple needs: feeding soldiers' families who are close to poverty, replacing a uniform ripped off by medics in the desert sand or helping a brain-damaged soldier remember his next appointment.

"We've done our duty. We fought the war. We came home wounded. Fine. But whoever the people are back here who are supposed to give us the easy transition should be doing it," said Marine Sgt. Ryan Groves, 26, an amputee who lived at Walter Reed for 16 months. "We don't know what to do. The people who are supposed to know don't have the answers. It's a nonstop process of stalling."

Soldiers, family members, volunteers and caregivers who have tried to fix the system say each mishap seems trivial by itself, but the cumulative effect wears down the spirits of the wounded and can stall their recovery.

"It creates resentment and disenfranchisement," said Joe Wilson, a clinical social worker at Walter Reed. "These soldiers will withdraw and stay in their rooms. They will actively avoid the very treatment and services that are meant to be helpful."

Danny Soto, a national service officer for Disabled American Veterans who helps dozens of wounded service members each week at Walter Reed, said soldiers "get awesome medical care and their lives are being saved," but, "Then they get into the administrative part of it and they are like, 'You saved me for what?' The soldiers feel like they are not getting proper respect. This leads to anger."

This world is invisible to outsiders. Walter Reed occasionally showcases the heroism of these wounded soldiers and emphasizes that all is well under the circumstances. President Bush, former defense secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld and members of Congress have promised the best care during their regular visits to the hospital's spit-polished amputee unit, Ward 57.

"We owe them all we can give them," Bush said during his last visit, a few days before Christmas. "Not only for when they're in harm's way, but when they come home to help them adjust if they have wounds, or help them adjust after their time in service."

Along with the government promises, the American public, determined not to repeat the divisive Vietnam experience, has embraced the soldiers even as the war grows more controversial at home. Walter Reed is awash in the generosity of volunteers, businesses and celebrities who donate money, plane tickets, telephone cards and steak dinners.

Yet at a deeper level, the soldiers say they feel alone and frustrated. Seventy-five percent of the troops polled by Walter Reed last March said their experience was "stressful." Suicide attempts and unintentional overdoses from prescription drugs and alcohol, which is sold on post, are part of the narrative here.

Vera Heron spent 15 frustrating months living on post to help care for her son. "It just absolutely took forever to get anything done," Heron said. "They do the paperwork, they lose the paperwork. Then they have to redo the paperwork. You are talking about guys and girls whose lives are disrupted for the rest of their lives, and they don't put any priority on it."

Family members who speak only Spanish have had to rely on Salvadoran housekeepers, a Cuban bus driver, the Panamanian bartender and a Mexican floor cleaner for help. Walter Reed maintains a list of bilingual staffers, but they are rarely called on, according to soldiers and families and Walter Reed staff members.

Evis Morales's severely wounded son was transferred to the National Naval Medical Center in Bethesda for surgery shortly after she arrived at Walter Reed. She had checked into her government-paid room on post, but she slept in the lobby of the Bethesda hospital for two weeks because no one told her there is a free shuttle between the two facilities. "They just let me off the bus and said 'Bye-bye,' " recalled Morales, a Puerto Rico resident.

Morales found help after she ran out of money, when she called a hotline number and a Spanish-speaking operator happened to answer.

"If they can have Spanish-speaking recruits to convince my son to go into the Army, why can't they have Spanish-speaking translators when he's injured?" Morales asked. "It's so confusing, so disorienting."

Soldiers, wives, mothers, social workers and the heads of volunteer organizations have complained repeatedly to the military command about what one called "The Handbook No One Gets" that would explain life as an outpatient. Most soldiers polled in the March survey said they got their information from friends. Only 12 percent said any Army literature had been helpful.

"They've been behind from Day One," said Rep. Thomas M. Davis III (R-Va.), who headed the House Government Reform Committee, which investigated problems at Walter Reed and other Army facilities. "Even the stuff they've fixed has only been patched."

Among the public, Davis said, "there's vast appreciation for soldiers, but there's a lack of focus on what happens to them" when they return. "It's awful."

Maj. Gen. George W. Weightman, commander at Walter Reed, said in an interview last week that a major reason outpatients stay so long, a change from the days when injured soldiers were discharged as quickly as possible, is that the Army wants to be able to hang on to as many soldiers as it can, "because this is the first time this country has fought a war for so long with an all-volunteer force since the Revolution."

Acknowledging the problems with outpatient care, Weightman said Walter Reed has taken steps over the past year to improve conditions for the outpatient army, which at its peak in summer 2005 numbered nearly 900, not to mention the hundreds of family members who come to care for them. One platoon sergeant used to be in charge of 125 patients; now each one manages 30. Platoon sergeants with psychological problems are more carefully screened. And officials have increased the numbers of case managers and patient advocates to help with the complex disability benefit process, which Weightman called "one of the biggest sources of delay."

And to help steer the wounded and their families through the complicated bureaucracy, Weightman said, Walter Reed has recently begun holding twice-weekly informational meetings. "We felt we were pushing information out before, but the reality is, it was overwhelming," he said. "Is it fail-proof? No. But we've put more resources on it."

He said a 21,500-troop increase in Iraq has Walter Reed bracing for "potentially a lot more" casualties.

Bureaucratic Battles

The best known of the Army's medical centers, Walter Reed opened in 1909 with 10 patients. It has treated the wounded from every war since, and nearly one of every four service members injured in Iraq and Afghanistan.

The outpatients are assigned to one of five buildings attached to the post, including Building 18, just across from the front gates on Georgia Avenue. To accommodate the overflow, some are sent to nearby hotels and apartments. Living conditions range from the disrepair of Building 18 to the relative elegance of Mologne House, a hotel that opened on the post in 1998, when the typical guest was a visiting family member or a retiree on vacation.

The Pentagon has announced plans to close Walter Reed by 2011, but that hasn't stopped the flow of casualties. Three times a week, school buses painted white and fitted with stretchers and blackened windows stream down Georgia Avenue. Sirens blaring, they deliver soldiers groggy from a pain-relief cocktail at the end of their long trip from Iraq via Landstuhl Regional Medical Center in Germany and Andrews Air Force Base.

Staff Sgt. John Daniel Shannon, 43, came in on one of those buses in November 2004 and spent several weeks on the fifth floor of Walter Reed's hospital. His eye and skull were shattered by an AK-47 round. His odyssey in the Other Walter Reed has lasted more than two years, but it began when someone handed him a map of the grounds and told him to find his room across post.

A reconnaissance and land-navigation expert, Shannon was so disoriented that he couldn't even find north. Holding the map, he stumbled around outside the hospital, sliding against walls and trying to keep himself upright, he said. He asked anyone he found for directions.

Shannon had led the 2nd Infantry Division's Ghost Recon Platoon until he was felled in a gun battle in Ramadi. He liked the solitary work of a sniper; "Lone Wolf" was his call name. But he did not expect to be left alone by the Army after such serious surgery and a diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder. He had appointments during his first two weeks as an outpatient, then nothing.

"I thought, 'Shouldn't they contact me?' " he said. "I didn't understand the paperwork. I'd start calling phone numbers, asking if I had appointments. I finally ran across someone who said: 'I'm your case manager. Where have you been?'

"Well, I've been here! Jeez Louise, people, I'm your hospital patient!"

Like Shannon, many soldiers with impaired memory from brain injuries sat for weeks with no appointments and no help from the staff to arrange them. Many disappeared even longer. Some simply left for home.

One outpatient, a 57-year-old staff sergeant who had a heart attack in Afghanistan, was given 200 rooms to supervise at the end of 2005. He quickly discovered that some outpatients had left the post months earlier and would check in by phone. "We called them 'call-in patients,' " said Staff Sgt. Mike McCauley, whose dormant PTSD from Vietnam was triggered by what he saw on the job: so many young and wounded, and three bodies being carried from the hospital.

Life beyond the hospital bed is a frustrating mountain of paperwork. The typical soldier is required to file 22 documents with eight different commands - most of them off-post - to enter and exit the medical processing world, according to government investigators. Sixteen different information systems are used to process the forms, but few of them can communicate with one another. The Army's three personnel databases cannot read each other's files and can't interact with the separate pay system or the medical recordkeeping databases.

The disappearance of necessary forms and records is the most common reason soldiers languish at Walter Reed longer than they should, according to soldiers, family members and staffers. Sometimes the Army has no record that a soldier even served in Iraq. A combat medic who did three tours had to bring in letters and photos of herself in Iraq to show she that had been there, after a clerk couldn't find a record of her service.

Shannon, who wears an eye patch and a visible skull implant, said he had to prove he had served in Iraq when he tried to get a free uniform to replace the bloody one left behind on a medic's stretcher. When he finally tracked down the supply clerk, he discovered the problem: His name was mistakenly left off the "GWOT list" - the list of "Global War on Terrorism" patients with priority funding from the Defense Department.

He brought his Purple Heart to the clerk to prove he was in Iraq.

Lost paperwork for new uniforms has forced some soldiers to attend their own Purple Heart ceremonies and the official birthday party for the Army in gym clothes, only to be chewed out by superiors.

The Army has tried to re-create the organization of a typical military unit at Walter Reed. Soldiers are assigned to one of two companies while they are outpatients - the Medical Holding Company (Medhold) for active-duty soldiers and the Medical Holdover Company for Reserve and National Guard soldiers. The companies are broken into platoons that are led by platoon sergeants, the Army equivalent of a parent.

Under normal circumstances, good sergeants know everything about the soldiers under their charge: vices and talents, moods and bad habits, even family stresses.

At Walter Reed, however, outpatients have been drafted to serve as platoon sergeants and have struggled with their responsibilities. Sgt. David Thomas, a 42-year-old amputee with the Tennessee National Guard, said his platoon sergeant couldn't remember his name. "We wondered if he had mental problems," Thomas said. "Sometimes I'd wear my leg, other times I'd take my wheelchair. He would think I was a different person. We thought, 'My God, has this man lost it?' "

Civilian care coordinators and case managers are supposed to track injured soldiers and help them with appointments, but government investigators and soldiers complain that they are poorly trained and often do not understand the system.

One amputee, a senior enlisted man who asked not to be identified because he is back on active duty, said he received orders to report to a base in Germany as he sat drooling in his wheelchair in a haze of medication. "I went to Medhold many times in my wheelchair to fix it, but no one there could help me," he said.

Finally, his wife met an aide to then-Deputy Defense Secretary Paul D. Wolfowitz, who got the erroneous paperwork corrected with one phone call. When the aide called with the news, he told the soldier, "They don't even know you exist."

"They didn't know who I was or where I was," the soldier said. "And I was in contact with my platoon sergeant every day."

The lack of accountability weighed on Shannon. He hated the isolation of the younger troops. The Army's failure to account for them each day wore on him. When a 19-year-old soldier down the hall died, Shannon knew he had to take action.

The soldier, Cpl. Jeremy Harper, returned from Iraq with PTSD after seeing three buddies die. He kept his room dark, refused his combat medals and always seemed heavily medicated, said people who knew him. According to his mother, Harper was drunkenly wandering the lobby of the Mologne House on New Year's Eve 2004, looking for a ride home to West Virginia. The next morning he was found dead in his room. An autopsy showed alcohol poisoning, she said.

"I can't understand how they could have let kids under the age of 21 have liquor," said Victoria Harper, crying. "He was supposed to be right there at Walter Reed hospital... . I feel that they didn't take care of him or watch him as close as they should have."

The Army posthumously awarded Harper a Bronze Star for his actions in Iraq.

Shannon viewed Harper's death as symptomatic of a larger tragedy - the Army had broken its covenant with its troops. "Somebody didn't take care of him," he would later say. "It makes me want to cry. "

Shannon and another soldier decided to keep tabs on the brain injury ward. "I'm a staff sergeant in the U.S. Army, and I take care of people," he said. The two soldiers walked the ward every day with a list of names. If a name dropped off the large white board at the nurses' station, Shannon would hound the nurses to check their files and figure out where the soldier had gone.

Sometimes the patients had been transferred to another hospital. If they had been released to one of the residences on post, Shannon and his buddy would pester the front desk managers to make sure the new charges were indeed there. "But two out of 10, when I asked where they were, they'd just say, 'They're gone,' " Shannon said.

Even after Weightman and his commanders instituted new measures to keep better track of soldiers, two young men left post one night in November and died in a high-speed car crash in Virginia. The driver was supposed to be restricted to Walter Reed because he had tested positive for illegal drugs, Weightman said.

Part of the tension at Walter Reed comes from a setting that is both military and medical. Marine Sgt. Ryan Groves, the squad leader who lost one leg and the use of his other in a grenade attack, said his recovery was made more difficult by a Marine liaison officer who had never seen combat but dogged him about having his mother in his room on post. The rules allowed her to be there, but the officer said she was taking up valuable bed space.

"When you join the Marine Corps, they tell you, you can forget about your mama. 'You have no mama. We are your mama,' " Groves said. "That training works in combat. It doesn't work when you are wounded."

Frustration at Every Turn

The frustrations of an outpatient's day begin before dawn. On a dark, rain-soaked morning this winter, Sgt. Archie Benware, 53, hobbled over to his National Guard platoon office at Walter Reed. Benware had done two tours in Iraq. His head had been crushed between two 2,100-pound concrete barriers in Ramadi, and now it was dented like a tin can. His legs were stiff from knee surgery. But here he was, trying to take care of business.

At the platoon office, he scanned the white board on the wall. Six soldiers were listed as AWOL. The platoon sergeant was nowhere to be found, leaving several soldiers stranded with their requests.

Benware walked around the corner to arrange a dental appointment - his teeth were knocked out in the accident. He was told by a case manager that another case worker, not his doctor, would have to approve the procedure.

"Goddamn it, that's unbelievable!" snapped his wife, Barb, who accompanied him because he can no longer remember all of his appointments.

Not as unbelievable as the time he received a manila envelope containing the gynecological report of a young female soldier.

Next came 7 a.m. formation, one way Walter Reed tries to keep track of hundreds of wounded. Formation is also held to maintain some discipline. Soldiers limp to the old Red Cross building in rain, ice and snow. Army regulations say they can't use umbrellas, even here. A triple amputee has mastered the art of putting on his uniform by himself and rolling in just in time. Others are so gorked out on pills that they seem on the verge of nodding off.

"Fall in!" a platoon sergeant shouted at Friday formation. The noisy room of soldiers turned silent.

An Army chaplain opened with a verse from the Bible. "Why are we here?" she asked. She talked about heroes and service to country. "We were injured in many ways."

Someone announced free tickets to hockey games, a Ravens game, a movie screening, a dinner at McCormick and Schmick's, all compliments of local businesses.

Every formation includes a safety briefing. Usually it is a warning about mixing alcohol with meds, or driving too fast, or domestic abuse. "Do not beat your spouse or children. Do not let your spouse or children beat you," a sergeant said, to laughter. This morning's briefing included a warning about black ice, a particular menace to the amputees.

Dress warm, the sergeant said. "I see some guys rolling around in their wheelchairs in 30 degrees in T-shirts."

Soldiers hate formation for its petty condescension. They gutted out a year in the desert, and now they are being treated like children.

"I'm trying to think outside the box here, maybe moving formation to Wagner Gym," the commander said, addressing concerns that formation was too far from soldiers' quarters in the cold weather. "But guess what? Those are nice wood floors. They have to be covered by a tarp. There's a tarp that's got to be rolled out over the wooden floors. Then it has to be cleaned, with 400 soldiers stepping all over it. Then it's got to be rolled up."

"Now, who thinks Wagner Gym is a good idea?"

Explaining this strange world to family members is not easy. At an orientation for new arrivals, a staff sergeant walked them through the idiosyncrasies of Army financing. He said one relative could receive a 15-day advance on the $64 per diem either in cash or as an electronic transfer: "I highly recommend that you take the cash," he said. "There's no guarantee the transfer will get to your bank." The audience yawned.

Actually, he went on, relatives can collect only 80 percent of this advance, which comes to $51.20 a day. "The cashier has no change, so we drop to $50. We give you the rest" - the $1.20 a day - "when you leave."

The crowd was anxious, exhausted. A child crawled on the floor. The sergeant plowed on. "You need to figure out how long your loved one is going to be an inpatient," he said, something even the doctors can't accurately predict from day to day. "Because if you sign up for the lodging advance," which is $150 a day, "and they get out the next day, you owe the government the advance back of $150 a day."

A case manager took the floor to remind everyone that soldiers are required to be in uniform most of the time, though some of the wounded are amputees or their legs are pinned together by bulky braces. "We have break-away clothing with Velcro!" she announced with a smile. "Welcome to Walter Reed!"

A Bleak Life in Building 18

"Building 18! There is a rodent infestation issue!" bellowed the commander to his troops one morning at formation. "It doesn't help when you live like a rodent! I can't believe people live like that! I was appalled by some of your rooms!"

Life in Building 18 is the bleakest homecoming for men and women whose government promised them good care in return for their sacrifices.

One case manager was so disgusted, she bought roach bombs for the rooms. Mouse traps are handed out. It doesn't help that soldiers there subsist on carry-out food because the hospital cafeteria is such a hike on cold nights. They make do with microwaves and hot plates.

Army officials say they "started an aggressive campaign to deal with the mice infestation" last October and that the problem is now at a "manageable level." They also say they will "review all outstanding work orders" in the next 30 days.

Soldiers discharged from the psychiatric ward are often assigned to Building 18. Buses and ambulances blare all night. While injured soldiers pull guard duty in the foyer, a broken garage door allows unmonitored entry from the rear. Struggling with schizophrenia, PTSD, paranoid delusional disorder and traumatic brain injury, soldiers feel especially vulnerable in that setting, just outside the post gates, on a street where drug dealers work the corner at night.

"I've been close to mortars. I've held my own pretty good," said Spec. George Romero, 25, who came back from Iraq with a psychological disorder. "But here ... I think it has affected my ability to get over it ... dealing with potential threats every day."

After Spec. Jeremy Duncan, 30, got out of the hospital and was assigned to Building 18, he had to navigate across the traffic of Georgia Avenue for appointments. Even after knee surgery, he had to limp back and forth on crutches and in pain. Over time, black mold invaded his room.

But Duncan would rather suffer with the mold than move to another room and share his convalescence in tight quarters with a wounded stranger. "I have mold on the walls, a hole in the shower ceiling, but ... I don't want someone waking me up coming in."

Wilson, the clinical social worker at Walter Reed, was part of a staff team that recognized Building 18's toll on the wounded. He mapped out a plan and, in September, was given a $30,000 grant from the Commander's Initiative Account for improvements. He ordered some equipment, including a pool table and air hockey table, which have not yet arrived. A Psychiatry Department functionary held up the rest of the money because she feared that buying a lot of recreational equipment close to Christmas would trigger an audit, Wilson said.

In January, Wilson was told that the funds were no longer available and that he would have to submit a new request. "It's absurd," he said. "Seven months of work down the drain. I have nothing to show for this project. It's a great example of what we're up against."

A pool table and two flat-screen TVs were eventually donated from elsewhere.

But Wilson had had enough. Three weeks ago he turned in his resignation. "It's too difficult to get anything done with this broken-down bureaucracy," he said.

At town hall meetings, the soldiers of Building 18 keep pushing commanders to improve conditions. But some things have gotten worse. In December, a contracting dispute held up building repairs.

"I hate it," said Romero, who stays in his room all day. "There are cockroaches. The elevator doesn't work. The garage door doesn't work. Sometimes there's no heat, no water... . I told my platoon sergeant I want to leave. I told the town hall meeting. I talked to the doctors and medical staff. They just said you kind of got to get used to the outside world... . My platoon sergeant said, 'Suck it up!' "

Staff researcher Julie Tate contributed to this report.

Jason Speaks in "The Washington Post"

2006-12-11T09:17:00.000-05:00

Like the Nation, Military Families Divided on Iraq
Loved Ones Remain Resolute or Doubtful In Aftermath of Study Group's Report

By Christian Davenport and Joshua Partlow
Washington Post Staff Writers
Sunday, December 10, 2006; A03

Nancy Hecker hasn't read the Iraq Study Group's report. She doesn't need to. She knows her son, Army Maj. William F. Hecker III, died at 37 for a just cause, no matter what the antiwar crowd thinks.

If she "can stand firm in support of our country and the mission, is it too much to ask the rest of the country to do so as well?" she asked.

Beverly Fabri also doesn't need the report to help her make up her mind on Iraq. "We are not going to win this war," she said. "And we shouldn't have gotten involved with it in the first place."

Almost three years after her 19-year-old son, Army Pvt. Bryan Nicholas Spry, was killed, she said: "I'm beginning to feel like he just died in vain, I really am."

As the country debates what's next for Iraq, many family members who have lost loved ones in the war are torn about what should happen and how the legacy of those who have died there will be affected.

When the war began nearly four years ago, there was virtually unanimous support for it among military families. But as the country's belief in it has deteriorated, cracks have also begun to show among those who were its staunchest backers. And now, as the death toll mounts, many are struggling to reconcile bad news that seems to keep getting worse with the mission their loved ones believed in and died fighting for.

In Kathy Petty's opinion, the report "is not going to change much." But she's not clear about what should be done in the war that claimed her son, Army Capt. Christopher P. Petty, 33.

On the one hand: "I want the Iraqi people to be free. I want them to have their democracy. That's what Chris died fighting for."

On the other: "You've got almost a civil war. . . . And I'm not sure what we could do better. I'm not sure sending more troops would work."

Her son believed in what he was doing there. She remembers how he talked about building schools for Iraqis, and how the soldiers were treated like heroes by the townspeople.

That's why Petty, of Vienna, doesn't think her son died in vain. But that doesn't mean there are any easy answers to what's happening in Iraq.

"I do want Chris's death to have been meaningful, but I don't know," she said. "It's very hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel, if you know what I mean. It just seems to keep getting worse."

On Wednesday, the day the Iraq Study Group report was released, at least 11 U.S. service members were killed. So far this month, more than 30 have died.

A poll conducted last week by the Associated Press found that 63 percent of respondents did not expect a stable, democratic government to take root in Iraq, up from 54 percent in June.

All the talk of changing course in Iraq by people who have never taken up arms there has worn on Malia Fry, whose husband, Marine Gunnery Sgt. John Fry, 28, was killed while disarming a bomb in March.

"I don't want him to have died for nothing," said Fry, who has three young children and lives near Waco, Tex. "I want us to finish the job."

Marine Lance Cpl. Eric W. Herzberg's faith in the war, like that of much of the country, waned as the conflict dragged on, said his mother, Gina Barnhurst. But when his unit was called, Herzberg, 20, of Severna Park, went without complaint, because "Marines are not political," Barnhurst said. "They do what they're asked to do. They do it for their country. They do it for us."

And that's why she believes political leaders should think about the death of her son -- and the deaths of others -- as they decide what to do next in Iraq.

It has been nearly a year since Hecker's son, a West Point graduate and father of four, was killed south of Baghdad when a roadside bomb exploded next to his Humvee. She still keeps a tissue handy to blot away the tears that so often rise when she thinks about him: how he was a soldier and a scholar, a student of warfare and literature who had developed a taste for fine wine and rich coffee. But her loss does not mean American forces should leave Iraq, she said. Her son wouldn't want that.

Hecker, of Vienna, worries that the good things happening in Iraq are being suppressed by the media or buried under the din of politicians seeking office.

"If we had all stood firm on this, it would have sent a message to the terrorists," she said. "The more divided that we were, the more opportunity they saw to be successful by destroying our national will."

What Hecker sees as harmful dissent, Yvonne Green of Baltimore believes is democracy at work. The Iraq Study Group recommendation to draw down combat troops was long overdue, to her mind. And she thinks it doesn't go far enough.

"They still aren't bringing the troops home immediately," she said. "If you're going to pull them out, do it immediately."

Still, the report boosted her belief that Iraq is a lost cause, and when she heard about it on the news, she thought: "What took you so long?"

Now she wonders how the debate at home affects the soldiers who served with her daughter -- Army Spec. Toccara R. Green, 23, who was killed last year -- and the other service members still in Iraq.

"I really feel bad for the troops, because it's like they are constantly getting told mixed messages," she said. "They are being told different things all the time. They don't know. Are we leaving? Are we staying?"

Command Sgt. Major Jeff Krausse, 51, of the Washington National Guard, said the country never should have invaded Iraq. He spent a year there, ending in 2005. About three weeks after he got home, his daughter, Army 1st Lt. Jaime Campbell, 25, died when the helicopter she was co-piloting crashed in northern Iraq.

Asked about the war, Krausse said: "First of all, I believe that we were lied to." He denounced the "propaganda" about weapons of mass destruction that justified the invasion and described the war now as a "no-win situation" that is "costing the taxpayers billions of dollars."

Still, he said, he'd go back if called.

"Unfortunately, now that we're there, we've got to finish what we've started," Krausse said from his home in Washington state. "This country is going to lose its credibility if we don't stay and do the right thing."

Jason Scott also has a big stake in how the war turns out. He lost an arm and an eye there and spent more than a year recovering at Walter Reed Army Medical Center. Now he can understand how Vietnam veterans felt coming home to a country that didn't support the war. And he worries about the effect it could have on the country's resolve.

"Public opinion has become so negative," he said. "So rather than make the hard decision to continue on to do the hard work to fix the situation, we're going to cut out and take the easy path."

If that happened, it would undercut the sacrifices so many soldiers made, he said. But it wouldn't diminish their service.

"That legacy of us being professional soldiers who answered the call can't be taken away from us no matter what happens," said Scott, 29, who now lives in Orlando. "I'll always be proud to be an American soldier. That's not going to change if we leave Iraq."

David Hartman's daughter, Army Sgt. Jennifer M. Hartman, 21, died in September. Since then her father, of New Ringgold, Pa., said he has stopped watching the news about Iraq.

He hadn't hard much about the Iraq Study Group or read its report. And he doesn't much care what it said about the future of Iraq.

"It's not going to bring her back."

News researchers Meg Smith and Magda Jean-Louis contributed to this report.

The Eagle is Soaring

2006-11-05T18:00:00.000-05:00

After 1 year and 2 weeks at Walter Reed, Captain Jason D. Scott is medically retired from the United States Army and as of Novemeber 2, 2006 was driving to Florida and to his new apartment home with Jodi Bower in Orlando Florida. Jason called his dad from somewhere near Richmond Va. on route to Jodi and the "First Day of the Rest of Jason's Life."

Jason Scott and Jodi Bower: 1506 Greenwood, Orlando Fl 32801

Jason returned to WR on July 5th to begin to be outprocessed by the army. He was hoping for the shortest "turn around time" for all the paper work which would have been Oct 1, 2006. The army being the bureaucratic system we all know it is took a month longer. This was one "prayerful mom" during this time asking that Jason be retired as soon as possible.

Jason of course could not start the University of Florida Business School this year, but is number one on the list for entrance for next year 2007. I am very happy that Jason will have this year to continue healing and rebuilding his muscles and nerves and time for re-entry into civilian life. Jason told his dad that he was up to "four miles on the treadmill." That is great news!

Jason and Jodi have a new pet...a hedgehog, I will try to get the picture to the blog. I call the hedge hog Alive Clive, remember his healing mascot? Jason wrote, "Newest grandchild, Clive likes plasma tv's for a shower gift." So if anyone out there would like to indulge Clive, feel free to do so. This grandma is taking a pass on the plasma tv!

Update: Scotland

2006-07-13T14:13:00.000-05:00

Got an email from Jodi who said the "trip was great, being with Jason the best part." I am so thankful we have Jason with us and glad their first trip abroad was great.

However, I got this postcard yesterday. It says "Greetings from London, Nelson's Column, Trafalgar Square" on the picture side. It tells a little different story:

P's
Wonderful trip
Jodi is in jail and
I've lost my passport
Send money and
don't watch the news.
Jason

We now "know" Jason had an interesting time on his travels to the British Isles.
Sigh and BTW don't expect any clearer communication from our favorite Captain and "communications major." Jason's mind is "free and at large." Enjoy the summer.

Another Soldier on the front page of the Chicago Tribune

2006-07-07T21:25:00.000-05:00

Sorry this notice is late:

If you can go on line you may be able to see the front page of Thursday's July 6, 2006 Chicago Tribune you will find an article about one the soldiers that was injured in Iraq. He is a resident of Chicago's Rolling Meadow suburb. Brian is infectious with his smile and willing to "give it a try!" His mother is a saint and one very good woman. I never remember meeting his stepdad
at Walter Reed. Brian was often in his wheel chair leading a line of leg amputees around WR, through the halls, across the post, in and out of Mologne. "Go Brian Go."

I hope Brian makes his goal of "being done with therapy by December." As you see from the report he and Jason were injured about the same time and so their stays have been overlapping. We are hoping that Jason will be "medically retired" within the normal three months for the process which will be around the end of September. I pray that Brian and all the soldier patients will have a great life with family and friends all around.

Summer is beautiful in Chicago till now, but the weather is to get "muggy" When the Lake heats up...so do we. Hope you have a great summer

A Lakota Sioux Sundance Dedicated for Jason's Healing

2006-06-23T15:16:00.000-05:00

I have been in SD south of Rapid City since June 14 staying in a cabin owned by Dow's cousins Loren and Gloria. A friend in Chicago had told me of a Sundance on the Rosebud Lakota Sioux Reservation in central South SD about 3 hours from where I am staying. Jane a Jungian analyst knew friends were attending the Sundance and invited me to "stop there" and see if I would want to particapate as this four day Sundance was for healing.

Personal Disclaimer:
This entry is a report of my physical, emotional, spiritual experiences and participation in a Sundance ritual for Jason's healing of mind, body and emotions. This is a "rough draft" of the experience as I know I will ponder its impact again and again in the future. I do believe that G-d is everywhere: in whom we live and move and have our being. We and all creation are born, live and die in G-d. I begin to write this reflection the morning after a quiet drive from the Sundance through the Badlands. I was told to "stay grounded" after experiencing the day of Sundance. Driving in the quiet across the National Grasslands of SD with the setting sun before me enabled me to do so on Thursdsay. This entry is my recollection of the information given to me by the Jungian analysts, dance leaders, and family members who were present and participating in the Sundance rituals. Any mistakes are due to my faulty memory. This is the first time that I have ever attended a Native American ritual. I am including the details because I assume that almost all of the readers of Jason's blog have not had the opportunity to attend a Sundance.

Jungian Analysts
These are my thoughts and reflections as to why Jungian analysts were deeply involved in the Sundance ritual as I have been in Jungian analysis for 8 years. Carl Jung was Freud's pupil who broke with him and focused his own life's work on studying " "the healthy person" One of Jung's important pyschological insights is that we are all born with patterns of behavior: mental, physical and most importantly pyschological. (DNA research is now revealing that at least 50% of behavior is inherited) These patterns include a relationship with God, in Jung's term the Self with a capital S. Jung called the expression of these patterns archetypes. We are all born into a culture, religion, ethnic group etc. These will "shape" the expression of the archetype of Self into different outwardly rituals, prayers, beliefs, religions, etc. It is important to realize that the source of the search for God and the expression of the relationship is the same, the archetype of Self within each of us. In Jungian insight every soul is female and women have an innate ability to connect with the Self for this reason, women are feminine in soul and gender. For men, the journey inward to God is more difficult for the guide to the Self comes most clearly as the feminine, the anima.

I think for Jungian analysts the desire to touch the Self and experience an exploration of the human relationship to God outside Europeon Western religion and culture would be an imperative. This is exactly what Jung did in his travels looking for the patterns giving rise to the lived religious life of the world's indigenous peoples.

The Setting
The Sundance is being held on the property of Florentine's Lakota Sioux Grandmother's property. Found after much searching and asking by taking a drive turning at a closed wooden RC church named St. Rose. Grandmother foretold Florentine "doing things" down there. "There" being a meadow below a hill, lower bluff (location of parking, kitchen, and sleeping tents) and below an open space, I would call a meadow. From the camp of the Jungians about 10 steps were cut away in the dirt of the bluff leading to the back of the dance area and a guard rail installed. The day was perfect, cooler under the trees with the camp on the bluff and very warm in the dance area. Blue sky with clouds abound providing shade intermittenly during the dance rounds. About 200 persons attend the dance over the four days.

The Sundance is held at this location once each year, it is the Florentine Sundance, named after the lead dancer. The dance has been held at the site for 13 years. The Sundance is situated in the center of a circle. The circle being formed by shade arbors, once covered by pine boughs now covered with plastic tarp to keep from cutting trees each Sundance. Within the circle created by the arbors, an inner circle is created by foot high red sticks each hung with a tobacco offering wrapped in a red cloth. There is " a gate" marked by two higher white sticks in this circle in the direction of the South, North, East and West. The gates/color of directions are also the four colors of humanity: red, white, black and yellow. For the Lakota the East must not be crossed during the dance so it is blocked off with tape and noone either dancer or audience can cross. The Lakota believe that all energy enters the Sacred Circle through the east and must not be transgressed by a human.

The Sundance Days
This Sundance lasts for four days. It is offered for personal and community healing of the tribe and especially the intentions of those who participate. It is open to outsiders and many whites were present. The Sundance consists of rounds of dance lasting 30 to 40 minutes with about 45 minutes of break in between from about 6 to 6 PM. The dance has drummers, very large with about 4 drummers to the drum and a number of singers. The musicians change during the day. No jewelry or glasses are to be worn if you are dancing, nothing that sparkles is allowed in the circle. No photography, audio recording or notetaking is permitted. No one except the lead dancers can go near the tree except when one makes a flesh offering. Between dances the leaders may speak about the dance, or share personal stories of meaning or teaching about the dance and Sioux spiritual life. There are no watches or program schedule so the pace flows at a natural progression and changes can be made as necessary by the leaders.

The Days:
1. The 30 foot poplar tree is decorated with the prayer flags of each of the dancers. Bundles of tobacco and flesh offerings are also tied to the tree. The tree is set in place with a liver of a buffalo at the base of the pit, the Sioux being dependent on the buffalo for their individual and communal life. The tree (male) is thrust into the Earth (feminine). From earth and sky all life comes and the tree symbolizes the connection of both; all of creation including humanity. It is painted ochre the color of Indian skin. The flags are large pieces of cloth, red white, green, blue. At about 6 feet a series of flags encircles the trunk and covers the flesh offerings tied in red 1 1/2 inch bundles also encircling the trunk.

2. The second day is dedicated to the Sacred Pipe of the Lakota Sioux. On my arrival I was told there would be no body piercing today. I was glad as I had great reservations in my ability to watch this part of the ritual. Fred told me something akin to this, "It is not torture but a ritual that connects the dancer more closely with all the suffering of humanity and the evolutionary suffering of all creation itself." (It was very good to have a Jungian as a guide to the Sundance. Fred and his wife Karen have been coming to the Sundance for 20 years. this was the day I attended the Sundance)

3. The third day all the dances are dedicated for healing. I was not present for this day.

4. The fourth day the tree and all ceremonial items are taken down. The flags are given to community members for making of blankets. The tobacco from the bundles is smoked "releasing the community's Sundance prayers to God." (I am sorry I do not know what is done with the flesh offerings. I assume the offerings are disposed of respectfully.)

The Dancers
The dancers come from several groups. The men wear red skirts and decorated beaded belts. The women wear long red dresses and skirts/shawls with fringe. No jewelry or glasses can be worn. One group are the four Lakota Sioux leaders including a woman from the Women's Group. Another group is the male dancers from the tribe itself. There are women dancers from the tribe or friends. Some of the dancers were white and came from Germany and Italy. Some were Vietnam veterans. Two dancers were pierced, one in his back and one on his front. These men were tethered to the tree during the dances by ropes connected to their body piercings. The men controlled their own movements either tightening or loosening the ropes as they danced on the ground opposite of each other with the tree in the center.

Flesh Offering
An individual may choose to make a flesh offering. This offering is a "symbol of the gift of myself for and a joining in the suffering of and a prayer for the other." Because of the time it takes, an individual may make between 1 to 4 flesh offerings. I chose to make a flesh offering for Jason's continued healing of mind, body and emotions.

I was escorted to the arcade by Nancy after a morning dance and was met by Fred who takes the flesh offering under sterile conditions. It is a small piece of flesh about 1/4 inch and just deep enough that the wound bleeds. I chose the right shoulder as Jason's right arm is amputated. I was given the Indian pipe (belonging to and used by Fred) to hold and pointed toward the west "The beginning direction for the Sioux" I held the pipe, closed my eyes and began to weep in sorrow for Jason's wounding in combat. Fred said, "Pray to the God you know for Jason's healing, while I do this." "It is done." I opened my eyes and on a very small piece of red cloth, about 1/4 long was my flesh. A patch of sage was placed on my wound to stop the bleeding and the 1 1/2 inch square bundle tied with string.

I was taken to be smudged, a woman was by the outside entrance to the dancer's arbor with a can of burning pine/sage. She held the can and I "purified" myself by moving the smoke over my body with my hands. Previously before the offering I had purified myself with steam. Two young men watched a large bonfire that kept rocks hot. They would pick out a rock on a pitchfork, bring it to you, pour water over it and one would cleanse one's self with the steam as with the smoke/incense.

One of the dancers from Italy, I believe Albert, was to be my escort to the tree. You do not touch the dancers during any of the rituals. He had a hard red bracelet, looking like fabric over wire, that I was to grasp so I did. He led me through the dancer rest area, out to the dance circle through the west gate where we both turned clockwise around and were smudged again with smoke as we entered. He led me to the tree. We were the only persons in the circle. I carried the offering bundle tied with string long enough to let me tie it to the tree. I also carried Jason's album of photos of his healing journey at WR. He lifted up the flags tied to my face height and I tied the bundle to the tree. I said a prayer for Jason's continued healing and was escorted back through the gate and rest area. I was smudged again as I existed the area.

My Introduction to the Community and Request for Prayers
A little later I was told I was to go to the singer/drummer area for an introduction. Jeff one of the analysts dressed in the dance costume made a "formal" introduction of myself and my reason for being here. "Katy has a son named Jason who was seriously injured in Iraq last October. She has come to request our prayers for his healing. Please join in her prayers."

The Use of the Sacred Ceremonial Pipe for Jason's Healing
I returned to camp only to be told, "Come the leaders want you to "load the pipe."" Again I was escorted this time by Karen to a break area behind the dance circle. It was separated off by a tarp. We would be hidden from persons walking through the area. Fred said, "We have not done this before at a dance. This is a special honor." I was to pack the pipe and present it to the four leaders of the sundance. Fred opened a small tobacco pouch, gave me the pipe to hold in my left hand facing west and said we would load the pipe from each of the six directions includes up (sky) and down (earth). I was to pray for Jason's healing all through this"packing the pipe." Fred reassured me that Jason would be healed. I am sorry I cannot remember what he said for each direction. Fred took a twig from the pouch to "tamp the tobacco down." The tobacco was a mixture that included sage-that I could identify.

I would take a pinch of the tobacco, extend my hand in the direction I was told and place in the pipe. Fred would then tamp the tobacco down each time. "Use big pinches" he encouraged me. As I lifted my hand to each direction I could feel power gather and come with the tobacco "into the pipe bowl." It was like holding wind and bringing it into the bowl. Fred added one direction that especially touched my heart. "Gather the circle of elders and all that lives on the earth." I made a circle in the air around me, placed the tobacco in the bowl and felt in the center of the community of believers past, present and future. I was now in Sacred space and time. I was participant and priest.

I was led to the South gate by Karen. She stood at my left, I asked, "Please do not let me do anything disrepectful of the ritual or people." Florentine and Fred and the other dance leaders came through the West gate and approached us. I was to offer the pipe to each person four times. I did so while the drums played and singers chanted. Each person before me was beautiful as I looked at them and they looked away (Indian cultural norm). TheIndian woman head of the Women's Group was dressed in blue, not red. I believe Florentine took the pipe and all the leaders went to the tree. Karen said, "Fred is representing you in the smoking of the pipe." The sharing of the pipe took a few minutes. The leaders/priests were smoking this pipe for Jason's healing.

Then the leaders again approached me for the reverse of the ritual, once smoked the pipe was returned to the giver/supplicant. I cannot adequately describe my experience in the return of the pipe to me, I can only try. Each leader presented the pipe to me 4 times. I felt at one with them and the God of All. I looked at each as they handed me the pipe and thought "Nemaste," meaning "The God in me greets the God in you." I knew each person had joined with me in praying for Jason's healing. I looked at each person overwhelmed by their beauty and their spirituality. I felt deeply saddened that white men had smoked this pipe, wrote treaties and broke the covenants made within the Sacred reality of Indian spirituality. I felt our participation in this ritual had reworked the broken bonds of trust and helped to heal them. I know in my soul, I asked forgiveness for what whites had done to Native Americans. (A unexpected spiritual experience (always a sign that this is not "of Katy's doing." As this ritual is for healing we should not be surprised that healing of memories between the peoples could occur if we are open and seek it.)

I was astonished, awed, humbled as I received the pipe from Florentine and the dancers walked away together. Fred remained behind and took the pipe from me. Karen led me back to the audience arbor.

Introduction by Florentine
In a few minutes Florentine came to the microphone and began to present my and Jason's story to the people present. He spoke in terms of all veterans and their service to the country and how we should honor them. Most emphatically he emphasized that this "white woman, white mother from Chicago found us to ask our prayers for healing of her white boy injured in Iraq." I was not offended by these terms but understood them to mean that I was an outsider who respected the power and spirituality of the Lakota Sioux and was sincerely asking for their help. I wanted to join with them as we prayed together for Jason's healing.

Then Florentine told us, "I may be out of order, but my grandmother used to sing a blessing for the men before they left for war. I would like to do this for this white mother and her son" Then he sang this beautifully haunting chant. I felt deeply humbled that Florentine would do this for Jason (and brings tears to my eyes again as I remember offering). Florentine spoke about all the tribal members who were present and were honored as serving in the military. He dedicated the next dance for Jason and myself, for our healing and for all the veterans who were present.

Karen said, "We must give an offering to the drummers and singers" she went and returned with money that I pressed into the hand of Francis the leader of the drummers.

The Sundance for Jason's Healing
Karen and I went to the back of the dancers arbor to be smudged and wait to be called to the circle. We would peek through the cloth walls of the arbor and see who was being called to the dance. First the leaders, then the vets were placed in front of the west gate about 8 in all, then the men, the women and then friends of dancers. As we stood more vets would come and quickly be smudged and enter the dance circle; the word was spreading that the veterans were to be honored during this dance.

Finally I was called to the circle. I entered holding one of the leader's, named Scott, eagle wing ties of brightly tanned deer hide ribbons. We turned in the center of the gate and were smudged again. Scott led me to the tree to pray again for Jason. This time I carried the photo album of Jason's healing journey at WR. I squatted down at the tree and Scott placed the prayer flags over me. I prayed for Jason's healing and felt surrounded by the leaders. I felt the eagle wings brush my back on the left side and the right side. I stood up and Scott led me back to the circle. I was immediately in front of the vets and the leader sent a woman vet to be on my left, I assume for support and direction. I was very pleased to have her by my side. "Don't worry they will tell us what to do" she smiled.

The drumming and the chant began with strong clear voices and beat. During the dance, the two men were tethered to the pole and both danced with vigor. I felt them connected to the suffering of Jason and all those who suffer from war, especially the veterans who were dancing. Behind me I felt the strong male presence of the veterans who were dancing. I felt them as "buffalo energy" like you see in pictures of horses shaped from the waves of the ocean. The dancers' energy was "formed as the buffalo." I was intrigued by this experience know that the collective life of the Sioux is intricately and intimately connected to the buffalo. Sometimes I cried and blessings to Florentine as he would come to me and wipe my tears with his red hankerchief and give me words of encouragement, "Pray for your son, be strong." All I could say is "Thank you."

Often during the dance, all would raise their arms to the heavens, a gesture I understand as praise. During this time I would hold Jason's photo album with both hands and raise it to G-d, offering prayers for him and thanking G-d for Jason's life. All the colors I could see; the tree and its flags and bundles, the sky and the quality of sunlight, the dancers' clohes and the color of their skin were more alive and vibrant than I have ever experienced. It was as if it were a weaving of prayer and meaning most pleasing to the Universe. I could get lost in the color, my soul drank it in. I do not know how long the dance lasted. We were all led out in reverse order of entrance back to the dancers arbor.

After I entered the shade a reception line formed. All the veterans wanted to meet me and I thought that I should thank them individually. I shook hands and hugged them and thanked them for their service and particapation in the dance. Then the women came and I did the same with all those who wanted to greet me. They assured me of their continued prayers for Jason. Florentine asked to see the pictures and with Fred looked at them. Then he said, "Can't look at anymore." I was escorted from the tent and returned to the camp.

Affirmation
Later Tom told me, "Did you hear, one of the drummers saw a spotted eagle. He flew overhead during the dance. It was a sign." I replied, "It is good, the eagle is a sign that our prayers are accepted as a suitable offering to G-d." I later looked up a "spotted eagle" which is not a species but an immature bald eagle. I was pleased, for me this means Jason's young soul "soars on the prayers we offered for his healing."

Invitation
When we were in the arbor after the dance, Florentine said, "Please invite Jason to come next year! You come back too." I was so honored that Florentine invited Jason. I pray that Jason and Jodi when they are ready would attend the Sundance and meet their new brothers and community of friendship. May Jason reap the healing and blessings of this Sundance for the rest of his life.

Thankfulness
I have no adequate way to express my deepest thanks to Florentine and the Lakota Sioux, for Fred and Karen, for the Jungians, for all the dancers for inviting, for accepting me into the community, and joining with me in prayers for healing.

All I can say is "Nemaste" and Many, many blessings for the journey for each of you and for the Beloved community for we are all one.

Post Reflection especially for Roman Catholics:
I love liturgy and many aspects of the Lakota Sioux religioius ritual awakened in me a comparison with the Roman Catholic ritual of the mass. I was struck because of the archetype mentioned earlier is clearly expressed/experienced in both rituals. In other words Jung is right ;-) Again these are my beginning reflections.

The total sundance is the communal prayer and praise to G-d the Creator. I did not experience a focus on one person (priest). The dance leaders were not alone but always with others and the community within the circle (church) danced. Even those under the "audience arbors" would dance in place, although not all did.

1. The tree in the center, decorated and created by the community. I immediately experienced it as an altar for RC's where sacrifice is offered and the center for communal worship.
2. The flesh offering: we call the liturgy, "The sacrifice of the mass" The Sioux use a very small piece of flesh as an "offering of self for others", as Jesus offered himself for others.
3. The smudging with steam or herbs. For me the natural connection is the signing of the cross with holy water when we enter or exit a church. Also the incensing of the congregation and sacred objects as during Easter service.
4. Offering and smoking of pipe. I experienced the pipe offering to be the Offertory, consecration and communion . The pipe itself is a vessel akin to an incense burner in the Jewish tradition used in the Temple. A gift is brought from the community, is blessed and offered. It is transformed by the smoking of the tobacco from object to prayer. It is given back to the community. For me communion was created in the return of the pipe to me, a representative of the community.
5. When Florentine wiped my face during the Sundance, I felt him as Veronica wiping the face of Jesus on the way to Calvary. I think this act of compassion is at the Heart of the Roman Catholic and Lakota Sioux spirituality and liturgy. I can think of no other greater connection to the Creator of All.

June Chicago Weekend and Update

2006-06-20T11:43:00.000-05:00

Jodi and Jason were in Chicago the weekend from the 14 to 17th, I believe the correct dates.

They saw the play Wicked, the movie Omen, a concert in Wisconsin by Jimmy Buffett.
Didn't see them much as they were spending time with Jason's friends and exploring the city.
We walked by Lake Michigan on Monday before I took them to O'Hare for their flight home to FL.

Jodi couldn't get over "Chicago's cold weather" in the high 50's, middle 60's. Made me laugh as Lisa has lived the last 20 years in FL although Midwest born and says the very same thing! Jason and Jodi are now in Scotland for the week and I will report on their trip when they return if they will share with me their Scottish adventures.

Heartland Hospice has requested that I apply for a PRN position so I have returned the paperwork and will reconnect when I return toChicago after the 4th. The Black Hills of South Dakota are very beautiful and I am staying in a cabin owned by Dow's cousin about 15 minutes from Mt. Rushmore, east of Keystone. I climbed Bear Butte sacred site of the Lakota and plan on attending a healing ritual on the Rosebud reservation near Mission this week. I also plan on attending a healing retreat lead by a RC priest this coming weekend.

Please keep us all in your healing thoughts and prayers.

Jason's Health Status as of June 5, 2006

2006-06-09T17:55:00.000-05:00

I thought I would give you a "head to toe" overview of Jason's health as he begins his 30 day convalesence leave.

Jason has an "Iraqi spot" about the size of a quarter on the very top of his head. I do not know if hair will grow in it. Jason is optimistic as he has been from the beginning that all his hair will regrow.
Jason's right eye tears often. He will have the MD check as the Docs said there could be a problem with his tear duct. This eye is blind because of the damage to the color cones. His left eye is corrected and he can read and drive; two very important functions for Jason.
Jason has little feeling on the right side of his face. If his right nostril runs he cannot sense it. His taste and smell "comes and goes." He still cannot taste liquor especially wine. Jason seems to be able to "smell the bad smells." Some foods taste good to him like the Outback steak.
Jason's jaw still needs to open wider, so PT still continues to help him unlock the jaw and maybe Jodi can do the "push down" while she is with Jason.
Jason will have to have his hearing and teeth checked as part of the med board process. Neither of these has been checked so far.
Jason's facial skin still has trouble with acne. He is trying cleansing pads at this time.
Jason has not had the opportunity to work with his right arm prosthetic. Jason did take it to Florida and I hope that he uses it daily while on con leave.
Jason's left wrist still has very limited supination, maybe 10%. I don't know if Jason got exercises to do while on leave to increase the ability to turn his wrist. Jodi may be able to rub cream on his three left arm scars to help them heal.
Jason's belly incision was bleeding slightly when he left. Because it is healing without stitches, he has "banks" with an incision opening in the middle where the flesh was unable to grow together. This might lessen in time.
Jason's limp on his right side is much improved. He will really have to work on strengthening his buttock and thigh muscles and "reconnecting the nerves" injured in the IED blast. The PT said it could take up to two years so his work is cut out for him.
Jason bemoans the fact that he "has a belly" and is looking forward to working out. Jason did receive his boxing prosthetic that he plans on using when he returns to WR.
Jason's mind is sharp and his wit quick as ever. Jason's memory is superb. He continues to enjoy movies, books and TV. Jason will meet challenges of reintegrating into the larger world of life and work. I know that he will be successful as I marvel at the miracle of his healing till now. I know that he and Jodi will make many memories together.

Let us hold Jason's continued healing of mind, body and spirit in our good thoughts and prayers. Let us hold this convalesence leave in our thoughts that Jason and Jodi truly will rest and enjoy all that life has to offer. Thank you for your kindness and please keep us all in your good thoughts and prayers and we discover our "new normal" as a family and circle of friends. Let us pray and work for peace so that no other family will experience such trauma of a family member injured in war.

Note on Blog Entries

2006-06-09T17:49:00.000-05:00

As Jason is now off and about I will not be writing to the blog as often. I will try to update the blog at least once a week/month if I hear from Jason and his adventures.

Our address in Chicago:
1038 W. Loyola Ave #1
Chicago IL 60626-5206
My email: katyscott@rcn.com

Jason will return to Walter Reed on July 4th.
I will also return to Chicago about then.

Week of June 6, 2006: "Katy You Are a Suspected Terroist" and other notes

2006-06-09T16:16:00.000-05:00

I had a very good night's sleep at Ron's and was back at WR by 9 AM in order to try and get a plane ticket. Did I ever get to Chicago? Only after a grueling morning in the "paperwork chase." First I had to complete the paperwork to close out my ITO (Invitational Travel Orders) financially. That took some doing because three men sat behind desks in the Finance Office, but only one "computer was working this morning." The sargeant was very helpful once he got into the files and we completed the one page needed for orders from finance in about 30 minutes.

Then back I went the ten minute walk to Family Assistance on the third floor of WR to what the travel officer would do. I met with her waiting with her on the phone with the travel agency used by WR. I decided to call Dow to check on his schedule to see if he could pick me up at O'Hare, he could not. So back I went to the travel officer and we waited again for another 30 minutes on hold with the travel agency. I figure government trips must be a low priority for them. Finally I got a ticket, but assumed incorrectly that it was with USAir as had all the other tickets the family had received.

Before I left the post, I walked the 2nd floor veranda one last time. Encircling the building I breathed in Peace and breathed out Healing alternately I breathed in Healing and breathed out Peace. It was good to leave a blessing for all who work here, minister, patients and family members and friends. May Walter Reed continue to be a island of hope and healing in the midst of war.

So about 12 ish I jumped into the car and headed to National. When I got to National I stood at USAir ticket counter after unsuccessfully trying the quick "do by machine yourself" ticketing. "Sorry Mam, this ticket is for United." Whoops, so on my way to the next counter I go. "I am sorry mam but this E-ticket does not have a ticket number." Thank God! she was a wonderful agent and took my problem under her very experienced eye because I do not know if I would have ever figured it out. She said that United had many problems with errors from this agency. She said it must be very hard on parents with an injured child. Her eyes began to tear as she said, 'My baby has been in the hospital the first year of her life. Travel is so hard." I looked at her with compassion and she courageously blinked away her tears and returned to help me.

The agent had to call the travel agency and once again was put on hold. This time she asked me to hold the phone, she put it on the counter, I moved out of the way of other travelers and "held the phone." After an eternity, the phone responded and the agent heard the ticket number.

Finally...the agent said, "You are buying this ticket on the same day as flying. You are scheduled for "extra security measures." My heart sank through the floor and I could not believe it. For the third time I would be wanded. (I stopped the second you remember by calling ahead to the TSA. I had not called this time because Jason was not with me and I figured I was in the data base with a flag next to my name, maybe that IS why I was wanded.) I went through security, asked to speak to the supervisor, he called his supervisor. "No you cannot take a picture of yourself being wanded." I again broke into tears and was told by the supervisor, "I am a Marine and when I returned to the USA they spit on me. Everyone is wanded, it is random." I said, "It is NOT random as I have been told by the United agent that Homeland Security requires it for same day ticket purchases. My son was very seriously injured in Iraq and I have been by his side for 8 months at WR. Sir, when you wand me, you spit in my face as the mother of a soldier who has been injured in a war I am against as I was against Vietnam." I will write a letter to my congresspeople and let them know for the sake of other parents of soldiers of the indignity and humiliation of wanding. I know the ticketing and security process can be changed. I bordered the plane weeping for all who suffer from war; we are all collateral damage of the soul of humanity.

I got home to Chicago and took a taxi as Dow had advised. The ride cost me almost $60 and the driver took me way south. Usually the ride is under $40. I tried to call the number the driver had listed on his sheet "Sorry this number has been disconnected." I paid the padded fare and went upstairs and collapsed. Dow arrived home later and we went out to dinner.

Wednesday I got up and stood in the kitchen. Not having a kitchen for 8 months, I stared blankly at the room. It was so strange an experience, I was not connected in any way to this room. I made myself think, "I have to eat and cook, what do I need to do?" I began to look at recipes and slowly the process of planning a meal was reconnected in my mind. I went into the dining room where my phone is and could not remember how to use the system to retrieve 25 voice mails. At some point Dow disconnected VM or people stopped trying to call. I called AT & T and thank goodness the nice woman walked me through the process and again with some "help for my memory" the process re-clicked.

In the evening, two other women from the six-flat stopped by and welcomed me home. It was good to see them and hear the latest in the apartment life. Sue asked me to walk with her on Thursday morning as we live in a condo on the beach of Lake Michigan in the very North-East point of the city. I welcomed the walk as a way to "Say 'Hello' to Chicago" again.

On Friday I took Dow to the airport for his long weekend in Tampa Florida with the grandkids. Jason and Jodi would arrive from Florida, the weather was truly Midwestern for Jodi's introduction to the city. Very chilly 60's and blustery with a little sun peeking through. I left a message on Jason's cell saying "Come up to the apartment and get yourselves jackets" but didnt see them. They will tour the city and sleep downtown. Jason and Jodi will come to the house tomorrow to pick up the car to head toward WI and Jimmy Buffett. I think they will need to take blankets for warmth! Of course part of me thinks this is a good way "to prep for Northern Scotland." Get Jodi out of sunny Florida "bit by bit."

I talked to Fran this afternoon and the chemo "did a wonderful job" in reducing her tumors throughtout her belly. The downside, she must repeat the whole three month chemo process again. Her family is coming to stay as she is not in remission at this time. Her MD said that she had every chance of going into remission if she followed the prescribed treatment, if not she would become terminal as this is a very aggressive form of cancer. We gave thanks that she was okay after the treatment so far and asked God to continue to heal her. We said the Lord's prayer together. Nancy and Ken who so graciously gave a Pathfinder to Jason are working with Fran so that her family might use the auto when they visit.

Please keep Fran and all the soldier patients in your good thoughts and prayers. Please keep Jason and Jodi in your thoughts imagining them laughing, enjoying each other, and "cuddling to keep warm" in Chicago. Blessing to you all.

I have been taking naps every afternoon since returning to Chicago. I am sleeping okay but am physically and emotionally exhausted. I began to work out at Loyola's fitness center using the weight machines and that feels really good. As I unpack, I repack to drive the 1000 miles to South Dakota and Dow's cousin Loren's and Gloria's cabin next week (see www.blackhillscraftcabin.com and click on cabin when you are on the site.) I plan on spending a couple of weeks amongst the beauty of nature to help in my healing from grief and re-creation of my emotional and spiritual strength for the work that lies ahead. Talking to a Franciscan friend Patricia said that visiting a number of years ago, she fell under the Power of Bear Butte and "could not leave." She and her friend spent everyday at the site doing rituals and experiencing the spiritual power in that place. It sounds like a "cathedral of nature." Just what I need.

"Up, Up and Away" Uh, Not You Katy, Jason

2006-06-05T18:08:00.000-05:00

Ah life at WR, nothing is done until the paperwork is done. And this is true, very true for the Army. Now I have to admit that I have been bamboozled by the paperwork every since I took over from Dow in January. I just got reimbursed for Feb, March, and April because I couldn't figure out the process. Therefore, I knew leaving WR was going to be a challenge for this mother.

I started out by getting up shortly before six so I could be dressed before Jason and I did accomplish that. Jason took a shower, and while he was in the shower I headed down to get the luggage cart so I could load his items and get ready to take them out to the car. I loaded everything and we headed down. Jason told the front desk he was leaving and would return July 4. I am not sure how one gets a room 30 days out, but Jason has to deal with his future quarters. Jason drove to the airport, we said "Goodbye" and he said, "Thanks for everything, Mom." and we gave each other a hug. We had no traffic problems heading S across DC nor did I heading N on 14th this morning. I arrived back at WR about 7:30 and even found a parking space! Good omen thought I.

I headed up to the room one last time, took a shower, ate my last breakfast of Kashi and Starbucks frappacino, packed up what was left, and headed out. Before I left the room, now still and emptied all of a sudden it hit me; I stopped. Almost 8 months had passed, everyday Jason and I were here, or myself when he was in the hospital, it struck me that I would never again return to this room "that had been home to Jason and myself." I sat down on the bed. I gave thanks for the accomodations. I asked blessngs on each person who will stay in the room and healing for all. I gave thanks for the staff who cleaned each day and blessed them in their work. I asked for peace for all who entered room 316 and all of Mologne House. The room filled with peace and I smiled.

I checked the time and it was just about the time that Fran was to go for her cscan. I wanted to spend some time with her as she said she would be alone so I headed to the first floor. Fran was having to drink about a quart of the liquid and was getting nauseasus. She said to me, "When my sister was here she poured some of this stuff out for me and the test went fine." I said, "As chaplain to chaplain, how much do you want me to pour out?" "Till about 200ML"she replied. I said, "Where is the rest room?" I happened to have a sack with me so I popped the container in and excused myself.

Fran thought taking these tests was increasing her suffering and was this kind of preparation necessary? We talked of the Good Shepherd as her image of chaplaincy and I prayed that the Good shepherd would lead her through these tests with "negative" results of cancer for her. Two other patients were also given the bottles and all three commiserated on the taste of the "vile stuff" My heart went out to them all. Fran was told that it would be another hour so I had to leave her then as I needed to begin to "The Great Paperchase" I said, "I may catch you again" but I never got back to see her.

I first headed to the office that handles the monthly updates for non-medical attendant orders. Because I was leaving in June, I needed that in hand to close my account out. It had been signed but not typed. I was to come back tomorrow at 9 and "It will be typed." I then headed to Family assistance on the 3rd floor because I wanted to know about flight times as I assume I will be done with paper work about noon on Tuesday. (So I could easily make a mid afternoon flight to Chicago. I am thinking this timing as that would get me out of the DC traffic madness, worse than Chicago's according to Jason. If not, I will leave early Wednesday like Jason so I again will not have to fight traffic, but I digress.) Well, it was Monday morning and the place was packed with folks wanting to go everywhere. A couple that I had met, their son is going to leave after a week at WR, I thought "a week?" was in checking tickets as they were scheduled to leave at 4 PM. They had come in because when they checked on line, he had a ticket and his wife did not. So they went in first as there was only one person helping this morning.

I spent some time talking to a soldier that was in medical supply at Anaconda and would have been working when Jason went through. He was preparing to go back to his unit that is now stateside but he expects to go back to Iraq as he has two years left on his contract. He said the base was mortared all the time and "sometimes they hit the porta jons." I thanked him for his service and wished him well. He went in before me and spent some time so I looked around and saw Cpt Jantzen whom Jason had gone out with last week. He was planning to go on con leave Wednesday and was checking on his flight. We got into a discussion about the medical equipment he had in his room. I said, "Maybe you can donate it to a free clinic because I don't think WR would want a commode back." We got some info from one of the staff, then Brian remembered, the equipment had a tag that led Bryan to believe it may have been rented. The staff said, "Check with Tricare across the hall." Sure enough Bryan checked and the equipment IS rented so that helps as he can return it before he leaves for his 30 day leave on Wednesday.

Finally it was my turn to check on scheduled flights to Chicago. "We can get you a flight in two hours when your paperwork is done and flights leave for Chicago almost every hour " was my answer. So that was a good enough for me. I should be home later tomorrow ...or Wednesday depending on the paper chase.

I headed to the mess hall for lunch and found three of Jason's Ward 58 RN's having lunch, Thornton, Brown and Crouch. I sat down and we talked about Jason's progress and plans. They are all attending a training program on Trauma Nursing learning the protocols. "Learn, Do, Teach" is the Army method and I think that is a good one. Thornton and Brown will be deployed to Iraq in August, Crouch is getting married next March to a teacher "I met on line." So that's where the 20 somethings go to meet the opposite sex. I wished them all well and headed out to Ron Castaldi's arriving about 2 PM.

Pablo and Cargo were happy to see me, I had purchased a bag of pigs ears for them as a treat. Cargo later got into the bag and "ate them all." He was nice enough to give me the torn sack back! I spent some time pulling weeds and watering the garden in Ron's back yard. Cargo stayed with me and I thought, "I wonder if he would eat red raspberries?" I tried one and he mouthed it but ate it. I tried another and the look on his face was "Keep' em coming lady!" Cargo tried to get them off the bush himself but just couldn't do it. So I kept picking and he kept eating till they were all gone! It was a wonderful way to spend the afternoon at "zero speed" relaxing in the sun with garden and dogs and cats all around.

I called Lisa later in the day. Jason had made it, got his car at the Tampa airport, and helped Lisa by taking care of the kids while she took Jonathan to the MD's. Jason will come back later to sort out his stuff in Lisa's garage where it has been stored for about 1 and 1/2 years. They had just finished dinner and Charlie and Jason were discussing politics. It sounds like "The Eagle has landed."

I checked in with Fran and she didn't have to wait too much longer-about 20 minutes; she took the test, then went up to another floor for blood work. She was impressed that the other two folks who had to drink the stuff only took about 15 minutes to do it. I said, "Maybe it is the effects of your chemo that makes it so difficult for you. Fran was feeling so good after the scan that she stopped off at the post Burger King and bought a shake. Getting back to Mologne she found she had "really had a work out" so took about a two hour nap. I am glad the test is over for her and may she rest easy this night. I told Fran that I would call her after Thursday to find the results of it.

I pray that you had a good summer Monday today. May we all rest easy and have good dreams especially Jason, "May Jason dream of his future, bright with hope for great adventures and learning ." I pray that each of you is well, let us continue to send best wishes and pray for Jason's continued healing.

Our Last Day at WR: Pentecost

2006-06-04T07:22:00.000-05:00

It is 12:15 and Jason stayed at Dan's for he is not yet back to the room. Must have been one heck of a BBQ. Glad he didn't drink and drive. I attended liturgy for the last time at WR only about 15 folks in attendance but got a picture with all three priests. I was always supported by their ministry and Fr. Thad LTC prof of theology and a Franciscan gave very good homilies. It was good to see Fr. Rich one last time and he said as always, "Jason is in my prayers." Good to have powerful pray-ers for healing and life's work.

I continue to pack and resort trying to get items together so that I can find them when I get to Chicago which will be a monumental task in itself. Jason got back at about 1 and we continued to sort and resort to "get it all to fit." Jason deciding to take this computer, etc. We rested, I washed a final batch of clothes and I asked Jason "What time for dinner?" "About 6"

So off to Chinese in Silver Spring one more time. I brought our leftovers to Fran who will be undergoing a cscan tomorrow morning. She didn't want to eat but asked that I put it in the fridge and she might try it tomorrow. We talked a while and spent time in prayer asking that she be healed and that all will be well with the results of the tests on Thursday. If time permits I will try to catch her in cscan tomorrow as Fran is here by herself.

Jason felt a little warm this afternoon and had some blood on his tummy wound line. Please pray all goes well for him and that Jason will take care of himself "listen to his body's needs for healing" and really have "convalesence" leave. Tomorrow we get up at 6 AM to have Jason at the airport by 7 for check in. Then back to WR for my "paperwork" outprocessing. I hope it goes smoothly and I will be returning to Chicago on Tuesday or Wednesday.

Pentecost:
Out pouring of the Spirit/Ruah/Sophia to enliven the human person. I always think of the Spirit as that which touched evolution and created humanity. And so Jesus promised his followers the Spirit again "touching us and making us more human." Gifting each person for the good of the community.

A Spirit filled teacher for me is Matthew Fox, in his newest book "A New Reformation: Creation Spirituality and the Transformation of Christianity" Matthew outlines 95 new theses for our times. These strike me for Pentecost:

Three highways into the human heart are silence, love and grief.
The grief in the human heart needs to be attended to by rituals and practices that, when practiced, will lessen anger and allow creativity to flow.
Two highways out of the heart are creativity and acts of justice and compassion.
True intelligence includes feeling, sensitivity, beauty, the gift of nourishment, and humor,which is a gift of the Spirit (paradox being its sister)
Loyalty and obedience are never greater virtues than conscience and justice.
The Holy Spirit works through all cultures and all spiritual traditions; it "blows where it will" and is not the exclusive domain of any one tradition and never has been.
God speaks today as in the past, through all religions and all cultures and all faith traditions, none of which is perfect and an exclusive avenue to truth, but all of which can learn from each other.
Therefore, an interfaith identity or deep ecumenism are necessary parts of spiritual praxis and awareness in our time.
Since the number one obstacle to an interfaith identity is a "a bad relationship with one's own faith"(the Dalai Lama), it is important that Christians know their own mystical and prophetic tradition, one that is larger than a religion of empire and its Punitive Father images of God

May the Spirit renew you this day. Let us pray blessings of the Spirit for Jason and Jodi and thier time together. May it be filled with joy and hope and continued healing.

Jason and Jodi's Plans for His 30 Days Convalesence Leave

2006-06-03T17:37:00.000-05:00

I thought "I haven't let you all know about Jason's and Jodi's plans for the next month."

Jason leaves at 8:40 Monday to fly to Tampa and my daughter's home where all his stuff and his car is stored. He will spend a day, sorting and giving away all his "unwanted items" as he did here. Jason will then drive to Orlando and Jodi, about 2 hours from Lisa's. Jason plans to return to WR July 4th with his car.
Jason and Jodi will fly to Chicago on Friday "to introduce Jodi to Chicago" They will take a train in from the airport, Chicago River boat tour, stay on Michigan Ave or the Loop, eat out etc. Then they will head toward WI to attend a Jimmy Buffett concert, return to Chicago to see the play "Wicked" which Jason has been trying to see for sometime then fly out on Sunday.
The following weekend they will fly to Scotland as Jason would like to see the Orkney Islands with Jodi. Jason has visited Scotland when he was about 12 with his Dad who is Scottish and wants to show the Scottish red cows to Jodi. When Jason visited he really liked them.
After they return to Orlando Jodi will start summer school and, I assume, they will look around for an apartment as her rental is being sold. Jodi has one more year of undergraduate studies in college there.

I think this is just the beginning of what their future will look like. May Jodi and Jason lead rich in experiences lives with good health, friendships and laughter all around. Blessings and safe journey.

Katy's Plans
I have to complete outprocessing paperwork on Monday, "closing out my ITO" (invitational travel orders.)
Find out the next steps for the car, possibly returning to Nancy.
Making travel arrangements so I can fly back to Chicago for the first time since October 20th, 2005.

Jason Puts His Socks and Shoes On=Ready for Scotland

2006-06-03T10:27:00.000-05:00

Jason slept in and about 9 AM I woke him up because Patrice Gilbert was coming over to do "a shoot" of us both. She is thinking about a project of parents and soldiers. This morning was very cloudy but Patrice said, "Cloudy is better than bright sunlight" She tinkered with her equipment as she has just changed cameras and the shoot took about an hour by the pool and under a tree. Patrice said, "Jason is so handsome." I replied, with not a little pride, "I know that." Patrice as so many others have said, "Jason looks so much like his dad." I said, "I agree since he was, but I claim Jason has my brains and my humor." Jason went inside and we went to a Southern magnolia in the garden now in bloom, my final flower that I will see open in DC. The flower, creamy white, is about a luncheon plate size and absolutely gorgeous. I took my photo while Patrice held the branch and then she took a photo of me with the flower. We said our "Goodbyes" and "See you if you come to DC." I don't know how I will ever visit with every one I have met and have become friends.

I went inside the room and Jason lifted up his right leg with his socks and shoes on both feet! "Ta Ta" he said very, and rightly so, proudly. I had just told Patrice that Jason will have to continue to work on putting on his right sock and shoe as this is the task most difficult for him, the result of the severe wounding on his right buttock. I smiled and thought, "You ARE ready to go with Jodi to Scotland." Let us rejoice and be glad! Jason can now dress himself from head to toe including buttoning shirts and pants. As I have said often on the blog, when Jason shows he has remastered a skill he could once do without thinking, my heart sings ever so much more than when he was learning the same task as a child. Each one is a gift of Jason's life to me and brings tears of joy to my eyes. And I want to dance as David did in the temple.

One last parental conversation, doesn't this sound familiar?
Jason, "I am off to Dan's"
"When you coming back?" (I had planned to ship the rest of the FedEx boxes today.)
"Sometime"
"Before midnight?"
"Probably"
"Okay, I'll ship tomorrow."

Off the son went to a BBQ at his best Army buddy's home on the other side of town, driving the car. I thought "Sigh, I'll have to walk for Chinese one last time." I called Fran to see if she wanted lunch but she had just eaten breakfast. I said I would call later to see if she wanted to have a dinner. I did call later but she didn't answer. I hope everything is okay, I'll check in tomorrow.

I went out for one last walk across WR to Georgia Ave and Lucky Ginger fried rice. Mologne has a small DVD library, mostly it has games for Playstation but I borrowed Lost in Translation which I had never seen. When I called it quits on the packing for today, I ate Chinese take out and watched the movie. Bill Murray is good as always. A relaxing way to spend a my last Saturday evening at Mologne. I feel the energy drawn into me by WR slowly being released onto the Winds of Time and it is time to turn toward Chicago and what lies ahead. Jason and I will finish packing tomorrow and I will take the boxes to ship. Dan will come to move Jason's items to his home for storage during the weeks Jason will be gone.

I hope you take many pictures of your summer times with family and friends as we will never return to them again as they are that day. Make happy summer memories to cherish in the years ahead and may they be blessed as my time with my precious son has been. Life is a gift; live and cherish it to the fullest. Peace to you , to your family and friends, and to all the world especially the people of Iraq.

What a Day: This last Friday at Mologne House for Me

2006-06-02T20:50:00.000-05:00

Jason was up early to go to PT and have his wound checked. He spent all morning working on getting permission to leave. He had to visit Tricare Health(supplemental to the VA health care system) even though he plans no therapy while on leave. Jason needed to talk to travel and to Med Hold to have papers signed. Jason had to tell someone this morning, 'I am leaving on Monday, even if I have to pay for the ticket myself" before the staff person would sign the paperwork. He was finished about 1 o'clock.

I continued to pack and sort, cleaning out Jason's dresser and nightstand, the bathroom personal items, and the snack box. A lot went to the Mologne table and was gone when I walked by. Tomorrow we re-pack the green box for storage at Dan's. I have small piles of to go there? or where? Jason's gray and green bags are slowly filling up with clothes, and personal stuff. All this to pack up one room for two people. Boggles the mind.

I went to lunch a little after one in the mess hall because we had been invited to the Promotion Ceremony for soon to be LTC Fr. Rich Spencer who visited Jason when he was first in the hospital on Ward 65. Jason was unable to make the ceremony because he was in PT. The chapel was full with Army officers and family, one of which is also a priest serving in the military.

I would like to relate two stories about this RC priest. When the Pentagon was hit on 9/11 Fr. Rich led the men into the destroyed section. The way the story is told, "the old guard soldiers" were in shock. Fr. Rich stood on a box(?) and spoke exhorting the men to have courage and to come to those who were injured and to find the dead. I thought two priests that day lived the Presence of God amidst human-willed destruction. Fr. Michael was doing the same at the sight of the Twin Towers and gave his life in his efforts. Fr. Rich will be returning to Korea for his fifth tour of duty there. On one of his earlier tours, Fr. Rich went undercover for the Army and was part of the exposure and capture of a black market ring which included soldiers.

On a lighter side all the chaplain officers were in awe of his shooting ability on the range. Fr. Rich performed "wonders for the scores of each of the chaplain units" he was in. The chaplains spoke of Fr. Rich being a truly holy person able to minister of those of all faiths and a gift to the patients and the families at Walter Reed while he attended Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) this past year. All spoke that Fr. Rich shortly would be promoted to Colonel based on his contributions to the Army and his leadership abilities. I experience Fr. Rich as one of the most pastoral priests I have ever encountered in my 63 years of Roman Catholicism especially in those dark hours immediately after Jason's arrival at WR.

Jason had received a Outback gift card from Aunt Sue Lincoln. As we were packing, Jason checked his stash of gift cards and said, "Let us use this one!" So off we went to the restaurant out in Wheaton. Jason ordered, I believe, an 8 oz steak covered with Bleu Cheese and ate the whole thing which even surprised himself. (I wasn't as he hadn't eaten breakfast or lunch except for some snacks.) Next to the restaurant is a Tropical Fish store. As we had a 45 minute wait for dinner, Jason said, "Let's check it out."

Ritual for Leaving WR:
I had been feeling a need for a ritual to mark the ending of my stay at Walter Reed as mother, as priest chaplain, and peacemaker. I had also wanted to mark the "new beginning" for Jason as he has completed this intense and most challenging period of his healing and recovery. This time after arriving as a Very Seriously Injured soldier to now planning to spend a week in Scotland with Jodi(leaving two weekends from now.)

During this past week I had a dream through which I do believe the God of Evolution speaks to us as to Jacob and Joseph Mary's spouse. Jason and I together were exiting the elevator into the Mologne House lobby. (I had continually told Jason in the early days, "You will walk out of WR.") Everything in the lobby was normal and the time was day. I knew that behind Jason and I was a roaring fire. The hotel was not on fire.

Interpretation:
When I learned that Jason had been injured, I said, "I am being plunged into Hellfire." After almost 8 months Jason and I "are leaving Hell behind us." For Jason the fire of combat and injuries of war and for myself the fire of emotional and spiritual challenges for which a mother cannot consciously prepare. We both have far to go for healing of body, mind and souls(and so have all who have been touched by his life's journey.) We are walking into the lobby where persons check in and out of MHH, crossing the threshold we prepare to re-enter the "larger world" of our lives.

From the fish store I purchased a fish to represent "entering the river of life "once again, especially for Jason. I purchased a koi with a golden head, white body and black spots. Gold representing divinity. Jason and I went out side to the pond that is in the reflection garden behind MHH. It was dark and lightening lit the skies. Jason was talking on the phone to Lisa, I thought of asking him to hang up but I wanted Lisa "to participate as she could" so I did not. I cut open the bag, Jason refused to be the one to release the koi, and the fish slipped into the dark water as I said, "For Jason as you have experienced Hell and now re-enter the river the life of once more." Jason gave me a hug, named the koi Frank and told Lisa he had been living in our bathroom sink for the last three months.

Blessings on all of you who have journed with us these last months through Hellfire. Only knowing you were on the journey with us kept me alive to the experiences of my soul. I am forever grateful for the Compassion of God expressed through your lives, your thoughts, your prayers.

"Bon Voyage" for 30 Days

2006-06-02T10:34:00.000-05:00

Jason woke up and headed out by 8:30 to see if he was "ready and able to go." He didn't check in with Dr. Golarz because Dr Wichman got to him first in PT. He checked Jason's wound and declared, "Get the ____ out of here" or something similar in Doctorese. So Jason is finalizing travel permission and plans as I type.

The Rain Came Falling Gently

2006-06-01T19:59:00.000-05:00

Jason was up a little late and headed for PT. He had his wound checked and the dressing changed. The wound care nurse said, "It is looking very good." Jason will visit Dr. Golarz tomorrow and see if he is ready for his 30 day con leave.

I began processing out myself, turning in paperwork to be "outprocessed" as Jason's non-medical assistant and to return to Chicago. I only need the non-medical attendant orders to apply for my plane trip home. They said it should be ready on Monday as no paperwork is done on the weekend and signatures had to be collected on the June form. While I was walking in WR one of the RN's Lukenbauch who took care of Jason at the very first part of his stay stopped me in the hall. "Ms Scott? How is Jason?" She was very happy that his progress on the road to recovery was going well. She gave me a hug and I thanked her for her care of Jason and wished her well in her career.

I visited with Chaplain Fran who was feeling better today "I kept down my breakfast." Her appetite has not been the best and the chemo has been making her more nauseous. She will have a cat scan on Monday and meet with her MD's for the results on Thursday to plan future treatment. She said that another chaplain is a patient at WR and is undergoing treatment for cancer also. We talked about the possibility of her using the auto that Ken and Nancy loaned us. I left the info that Fran would be interested in using the auto with Nancy and I hope that it works out. Fran's next relative to visit is not to the 17th of June and we are both sorry that I have to leave so soon. She is looking for a walking partner as she does better if someone is with her. Fran believes she can be here as long as another 6 months. We read the Pentecost story together and said a prayer for her healing. If the cancer is in remission she will return to active duty if it is not she will be med boarded out of the army.

We had dinner with Prof Rich Wokutch of Virginia Tech where Dow worked for 17 years before leaving in 1996. We chatted about his own travels and experiences with the military, he has two siblings who have retired/will retire from the military. Rich is now department head and says it has been a challenge as there has been cutbacks in funding. Jason shared about the research on the next generation of prosthetic arms and his participation in the project. We sat outside for a while and talked and had a Starbucks together. It was a very pleasant time together and good to see an old friend and catch up on his family.

Most of my day had been distributing Jason's clothes to:

the Mologne house table (this evening almost all, except for winter sweats, were already gone)

a duffel bag for Florida (to Jodi's)

a box for storage at Lisa's (Jodi will have to move this summer, apartment being sold)

a box for storage at Dan's (will use when Jason returns to Mologne)

a gray bag for "Scotland"

Jason is looking forward to meeting with Dr. Golarz on Friday to see if he is cleared for "takeoff"to places far and near. I assume that his leave should be approved.

An Interesting Occurrence:
For those of you who have been reading the blog for a while, you remember the great "Illinois driver's license" chase earlier in 2006 (with one copy getting fried by the irridation anti terrorist treatment.) Yesterday, we got a call from the front desk, "Package for Captain Scott." So down I go and picked up a FedEx from the State of Illinois containing another newly duplicated driver's license for Jason. So Jason is well licensed for his future travels. I take this as an omen that from now on that Jason will receive double in life's blessings! The Universe is being generous to Jason in his "new normal" (as they say at WR)!

Let us pray that all goes well with Jason's wound check up and he and Jodi's life's travels can begin. Pray that I can get us packed and shipped for a Monday(or early next week) leaving. Pray for the next steps in my own life as I leave WR a changed woman and with an unsure future desiring only God's will for my life, living and working for Peace. I left a message for Lisa that Jason will work out his travel arrangements on the Tampa end as Monday is a "already an overbooked day for me." I contacted Ron Castaldi, actually he called me but I was thinking of calling him all morning. I can stay at Ron's home with the dogs and cats and parrots if need be to sync my travel and leaving as Jason may leave before me. When Jason exits, my presence at Mologne is no longer necessary nor paid for.

As we prepared for bed, the rain began falling gently so the future might grow.

Sort, Pack: Day II

2006-05-31T08:33:00.000-05:00

Today is another very hot day in DC. (What are we doing to reverse Global Warming?) Jason was up at 8 AM and off to PT by 9 after a shower. We turn the air conditioning off only during showers and dressing in the morning, otherwise it is kept on high. I got Jason a bagel for breakfast and picked up the USA Today which is running a week long series on Global Warming and its effects on our finite and fragile planet. I headed to the WR loading dock to pick up boxes promised me by one of the workers yesterday. She was not present nor were any boxes set aside. So I asked another employee and we found some, too large to ship. I thought I would take a few in case Jason needs to store items at Dan's. Jason already has his "Iraq green box" he calls it,taken to Iraq and back. I can't figure out how Dan and Jason are going to get heavy boxes into Dan's apartment. I am thinking of Jason with one hand and lifting weight limitations after his surgery.

I took a nostalgic walk up Georgia Ave to Silver Spring this morning in the heat of the day. Knowing that "I shall not walk this way again." I passed the stores and restaurants we had visited and said one last "Hello" to the cat in the window of the art store. I headed toward WATER in the World Building and my last counseling with Diann Neu D. Min and LCSW. I thanked them for the copy of "The Tent of Abraham" Stories of Hope and Peace for Jews, Christians, and Muslims by Rabbi Waskow, Joan Chittister OSB and Saadi Shakur Chrishti. It will be released in July. We reflected on the changes in my life because of the combat injuries to Jason and the work that lay ahead when I return to Chicago. I stopped at Ritz camera and purchased a "click and shoot," no digital for this 20th century woman, ate one last lunch of a Ceasar's salad at Panera's, and begin my last 2.5 mile walk South. I stopped to get an ice cream cone, butter pecan, my favorite at a small private organic ice cream shop.

As I was walking on Georgia, wearing my floppy sun hat an African American father with a baby in his arms and a hanging on for dear life to a pulling away toddler came toward me, "Hello beautiful" he exclaimed to me. I smiled, "Thank you and have a wonderful day" was this 63 year old grandmother's reply. For I had been thinking, "What a wonderful sight a father and his sons," and I know fathers and sons are together all over the world, especially in Iraq, and their right is to live in peace. I think we mothers and sisters and daughters and grandmothers MUST make it happen yet another generation of children will be lost to war. As Paul VI wrote, "If you want peace, work for justice." And as I prepare to leave Walter Reed Sophia, the Spirit of Godde within reaffirms my work ahead. Let us pray for the gifts of Pentecost which we celebrate this coming Sunday, that the Spirit will more fully bring to our hearts and minds the Truth "that renews the face of the Earth."

Jason and Bryan left for the X-Men and Macaroni Grill at 4 and I took a quick nap as the heat of DC took my energy away. Then I had to catch the Metro as Jason had commandeered his car for the first time. Nancy and Ken, bless their hearts picked me up at the Metro stop near Quixote and I attended my last liturgy and potluck dinner. Nancy made wonderful recipes from the book A Bad Catholic's Book of Good Living or something close to that. It is a fun look at the "Lives of the Saints" with special recipes for some of the feasts. We had chicken with apricots and for dessert a apple crisp with raisins soaked in whiskey. Very, very good.

Litury was our celebration of Pentecost and we focused on "What does Pentecost mean to us?" During our shared reflection, I read a passage from the book cited earlier The Tent of Abraham and that I had also shared on my visit to Jonah House. I experience both of these Centers for Peace and Justice enfleshing the Evolutionary Vision of Sophia for humanity. I quote, "One of the most important teachings of these rabbis was that the Torah was written not in black ink on white parchment but in black fire on white fire and that the white fire, the 'blank' spaces, were waiting in every generation to be read anew." (Rabbi Waskow, pg 19) As we prepare to celebrate Pentecost in Christian churches across the USA this weekend, I encourage you to seek ways to discover your unique gifts given by the Spirit, be renewed in those you know and answer the call to be justice and peace with your lives. What is the "white fire" of Pentecost exhorting you and your faith community to do? Or as Brianne Swimme and Thomas Berry wrote in The Universe is a Green Dragon, "What is your allurement?" as that is how the evolutionary creation of the Universe captures us. Follow your allurement (your passion) and you will change, working together we create the present and the future.

Jason was taling to Jodi on the phone when I returned, played his game for a while, read his book for a while and it was lights out something close to midnight.

Soldiers:
As I was attempting to carry the boxes from WR to Mologne today and slogging up "Mologne Hill," a kind woman soldier asked, "Can I help you carry those?" She has been called to Active Duty and will be in charge of the VIP ward, 71, and the Psychiatric wards and a couple of others. I told her a little of Jason's story and invited her into to Mologne to see our room as she has only recently arrived. She was taken aback because it "is not homey" but "cold." She was thankful for the quick "tour" and said she would keep Jason in her prayers, gave me a hug and was on her way. May God bless her for her "random act of kindness." To me she is the best of our American Spirit, ideals and military. To reach out to those in need, a small deed but comfort for my soul. Blessings on her work at WR and all the staff she will work with.

Sort, Pack, Sort , Pack: Ship

2006-05-30T20:50:00.000-05:00

Good news:
Jason had his surgery wounds checked today. The RN said, "No wet to dry anymore. Place aloe patch in wound. Then come back in a couple of days and we will check and you should be done with dressings." The nurse did not have to place a patch over the wounds. Just gauze and a little, little bit of tape. The dressing does not have to be changed but once a day till it is removed. The wound is closing very nicely, no more fresh flesh so no more bleeding that I can tell.

I spent all day sorting and packing items telling Jason "After living in this room for 7.5 months, I cannot do this room in one day." At the end of the day I had 3 boxes full-one for Lisa and two for Chicago. Overhearing Jason talking to Jodi, Jason is trying to get out as early as possible next week down to Florida so he can get his car and items from Lisa's. The social worker promised Jason, "Get permission from Dr. Golarz and I can get you out of town in 6 hours!" I don't know how much time we have left at Mologne: count days not weeks.

Now the Fed Ex is in Silver Spring and has the slowest service I have ever experienced. I forgot this lesson I learned with the Christmas letter so it was well after 7 when we left Mologne. Jason spent the day playing his computer game Civilization IV. We went to FedEx where the cute young, very young gentleman behind the counter was giving especially attentive service to a young lady with lots of cleavage and well endowed. Then he and another counter person began to serve one customer who had a problem with a lost package. I finally asked, "I have been waiting for some time and the two of you are waiting on the same customer. Could you help me?" I figured Jason would be going nuts in the car. I shouldn't have worried because when I finally got served I found Jason lying back on the seat text messaging, I assume Jodi, and looking quite relaxed. Sigh...What has happened to the idea of prompt, courteous customer service?

After Jason parked in another garage as he was scoping out the territory for tomorrow when he and Bryan(in a wheel chair or walking with canes for a short distance) are coming to the show X-men and out for dinner. (remember the story of not being able to bring outside food into Mologne, same Bryan.) Coming out of the garage we saw a banner for a new restaurant in the mall. The Blue Pearl is a Chinese, Japanese, American buffet. The sections of the buffet are designated in English and Spanish. Don't you love our American diversity? I really liked the buffet as it had excellent tapioca pudding for dessert and a really wide selection including crab in the shell plus the best cooked fresh green beans I have found in DC. Jason ate ribs and white rice.

So here I am 10 PM thinking about "What can I pack and ship next?" I feel the pressure to "tie up loose ends." Say a prayer that Jason continues to heal and has no paperwork problems getting his leave and flight. Say a prayer that I can pack this kid and myself up in some kind of coherent fashion. BTW Jason loves being Captain and giving his mother ideas on how "I need to pack." We do have two large duffel bags for Jason to use as luggage for items to Florida. I have already taken one box of items to Mologne's "garage sale table" and all the items were gone when I went by later except a magazine that focuses on nutrition (does that surprise you when the mess hall food is all fried?) Have a good night's sleep, it is very warm here.

Jason's Memorial Day Weekend

2006-05-30T08:50:00.000-05:00

Jason had headed to Chicago on Thursday. From his report of weekend activities:

Chris Moore and Jason stayed in a bar till 5 AM on Monday morning. (I did not know that Chicago has rolling closings and some bars are open that late.) He flew out later in the day to return to DC.
Jason spent most of his time relating to me two movies that he saw while in Chicago. One was the X-men that he said had the best special effects ever. Especially a character named Cat(?) who could freeze persons in solid walls, etc. She could pass through them, that was her power. A good versus evil story. Another movie set as an Australian cowboy called the Proposition was very powerful for Jason. It was a movie of revenge and eventual redemption for the characters. Although very violent, he thought it was well worth experiencing the story. I believe Jason said the director was Popinsish (?) who sounds like a minimalist with no music, etc. Jason likes his work.
Dow's BBQ at our apartment went well. Jason's friends were joined by friend Dennis Morjada who has visited Jason at WR twice.
Jason has become highly allergic to the bonding in any of the medical tapes or patches. When I changed the patch last evening, his flesh had been torn away when tape had been removed in Chicago. My heart sank. I don't think there are many options left for bandaging his wounds. He ssaid he is thinking of visiting the clinic on Wednesday. Thanks be to God the wounds are almost healed.
Jason came back highly energized and looking ahead to leaving WR on his con leave. Jason has made arrangements for Jodi and he to fly to Chicago to attend a Jimmy Buffett concert in Wisconsin the second weekend of June. I plan on being there unpacking and unwinding while Dow attends our daughter Lisa's 39th birthday weekend in Tampa and our granddaughter Ellie's (age 5) second dance recital.

Let us be thankful for all the good memories Jason made this past weekend with friends and his dad. Let us continue to pray for Jason's complete healing that he might soon join Jodi on con leave. Thank you for your kindness. I hope that all of your "opening summer weekends" were filled with fun and good times. And with memories of those who have gone before us. Blessings this summer.

Memorial Day: Katy

2006-05-29T16:56:00.000-05:00

I was up very early as Karen had told me the memorial for Lt Ken would take place at 10 AM. One of the RN's who lives in Silver Spring and who also was Jason's nurse on Ward 57 would also attend the service. We could not connect so I took the Metro down. I was glad that I missed Micalah as she got caught in the huge morning traffic jam in Arlington Cemetery and did not arrive for the service till it after it was finished. The day was forecasted to be in the 90's and with clear blue skies the temperature quickly climbed. As I walked from the visitors' center through the cemetery, I was overcome with grief for the suffering of the soldiers as they died and for their families and friends who remember. Many persons were walking through the cemetery and Marines in dress uniforms were the "traffic police" for the day.

About 20 of us gathered at the gravesite with many, many folks visiting graves near us. Some sat on the ground and cried, some hugged each other and left mementos, pictures, flowers. Many children were visiting with adults. This is the second anniversary of gathering for Karen and her family at Arlington "Where better place to be than with Ken?" Today the gathering was being filmed for a documentary by a group from CA. Ken died in Baghdad May 30, 2004. Karen said about 150 soldier casualties of Iraq and Afghanistan are buried at Arlington with the rest buried elsewhere closer to family. Some tombstones are larger because they commemorate those who died together in the same combat/event; names and rank and medals, date and incident listed "Helicopter crash-Texas." Alex's grave is close to Ken's but at the end of a row opposite where we stood under huge trees. We would stand under the trees for a break from the sun.

Karen is from a family of 8 and all but two were able to be in attendance at the memorial. It was good to experience the strong support Karen receives from her family. I believe three of the sisters, including Karen, live with in about 1/2 hour of each other in CA. The others are the "East Coast" contingent of the family.

Karen stood at Ken's tombstone and called us to join her as "we remember and celebrate Ken's life." Major O'Brien from Army casualty Affairs was in attendance and sang over the gravesite a song to the "lost warrior." It was to the melody of a popular Christian hymn and he said that it is an Army tradition that the song be sung "over a soldier's grave." It was very moving and we all stood quietly as our hearts held Karen and Ken. Karen invited us to share remembrances and I spoke on behalf of Jason who attended training with Ken. Next champagne was poured and we began a round of toasts, for Ken and his family, for all soldiers, for those buried at Arlington, and for peacemakers in the military and outside of it. We offered a libation for Ken and poured our remaining champagne over his grave. I believe it was Karen who said, "Ken would have preferred beer." His family members smiled and heartily agreed. (I thought next year it should be beer) We all gathered around the tombstone and took a photo so that Karen might be able to remember who gathered with her at Ken's graveside in 2006 in the years to come. Karen released a star covered balloon "releasing Ken" His balloon got stuck in the tree, Karen tried again and again the balloon caught in the tree above. I will leave to you the meaning.

Ken's family spent some time catching up with each other in the shade of the trees. I took a refilled glass of champagne and told Karen I was going to visit Alex's grave at the opposite side of Plot 60. Another grave had been added next to Alex's in the few days since Tuesday. Alex's grave was still covered with the flowers from his funeral and a poem that must have been from his wife as it spoke of a "kiss and romance." The words and her longing touched my heart and my eyes filled with tears for her loss. I poured the champagne over Alex's grave and asked a blessing of healing, comfort and peace for his family.

I prayed that like Ken's family, healing will come amidst the pain and loss in time and in Alex's family's members' unique way as they journey in life. May his family find meaningful ways to gather and to celebrate the life and relationships and contributions of Alex. And for both families from great suffering may they choose to reach out to others in compassion and to be compassion. "For God is the human person fully alive" and Compassion is the deepest creative act defining us as human. Those who have suffered much have the greatest ability and potential to "experience with" the suffering of others. It is a choice, an act of free will, our response to loss and suffering. If accepted and experienced fully, this dying to the past, will like the "three days in the tomb" lead to resurrection; a life changed and much richer in blessings for self and others. We have no control over the losses in our lives; the loss of our sons to war; we always have the ability to choose our lived response and the meaning of these losses for our lives.

The family members had planned to spend the day together and leave DC on Tuesday. I spent the lunchtime after at "Red, Hot and Blues" enjoying listening to family stories and the antics of all the nieces and nephews. Karen who sat at our table enjoyed playing with the toddler daughter of Major O'Brien. Micalah still has recorded messages from Ken on her cell phone and she played those for Karen who heard his voice for the first time in two years. Micalah is going to save the messages somehow so that Karen may have them. Micalah had met Ken when she was attending training as a cadet and they had been dating for two years at the time of his death.

Micalah and Ken's family pointed me to the Metro at Rosslyn station and I headed North to Walter Reed. Shortly after I arrived, the cell rang, "Mom where are you? I am on the Metro headed to WR. Want to meet in Silver Spring for dinner?" Sure Jason so I drove to Silver Spring and we ate at the Asian-Japanese restaurant. Later I washed clothes and it was lights out at 11 and looking forward of a week to pack and ship and do what needs to be done for Jason's upcoming leave and my return to Chicago.

Memorial Day Weekend: Katy at Jonah House

2006-05-28T20:15:00.000-05:00

First I must send a special "Hello" to Fr. Bob Bossie and Sr. Kathleen DeSaultes OP and all the folks at 8th Day Center for Justice in Chicago from their friends Ardith and Carol of Jonah House (and everyone at Jonah House) for Carol made me promise I would say "Hello." :-)

As I had written on Thursday, I headed to W. Baltimore by Metro and MARC train to Jonah House (Jonahhouse.org) arriving shortly before dinner on Thursday. Jonah House is owned by the Diocese of Baltimore and the five members who live there at present earn their wages by clearing and caretaking of a once-parish cemetery. When the white flight from the neighborhood happened, the cemetery was abandoned (no perpetual care moneys had been collected) and uncared for for a number of years until the vegetation literally covers everything and brush and trees wiped out the cemetery. Over the years locals used it for a dumping ground. Tombstones were toppled and lost. Records of the families and plots have been lost and only about 30% of the gravesights can be attributed to families. The cemetery covers over 20 acres and I would guess that over the 10 years that Jonah House has cared for the cemetery about a third has been reclaimed. The perpetual care for the cemetery is now provided for through a foundation of the families with members buried there and which helps oversee the stewardship of Jonah House for the property. Members living in the house now are Gary, Susan, Ardith, Carol and Liz.

Another visitor completing her week long visit was Sue from Co. We all ate dinner together. We ate strawberries from the JH patch and fresh lettuce each meal from the garden. We ate new potatoes from volunteer plants. Susan took me outside to help with the "treats" for the two Nubian goats named Paul and Silas and two black llamas named Micah and Naomi who "work to keep the cemetery grass mown-by eating it." Feral cats also live in the cemetery and come close to the home on the property which the community built and turned over to the Diocese. Gary took me on a walk through the cemetery including the paths they have cut through the overgrown areas so those folks who come might try to find their family tombstones or gravesites.

The house is surrounded by beautiful flower beds and vegetable gardens which Gary oversees.
On Friday, Gary and I spent the day in the vegetable garden. We weeded and howed and dug and planted, all spiritual nurturance for this gardener who has not had her own vegetable garden in ten years. Gary has built a green house structure where during the summer he is growing pole beans and has a patch of rhubarb. We tilled and planted three rows of corn "in the open greenhouse." We tilled another patch and planted egg plants. Gary mulched everything with straw. We got rained out so stopped for lunch then the sun obligingly came out from behind the clouds and we returned for our afternoon in the gardens. About 4 PM Gary said, "Enough" and put away the tools.

I wandered to the front of the house and found Liz weeding and planting leftover basil and tomato plants. I wasn't ready to end my work day so I spent time with Liz working in this garden. One of the cats, being a cat, came to lounge in the weeded area and for a reason only known to cats, decided to "unplant" a plant with his paw! He just layed down, hooked it and out she came! Thank goodness he humored us by only taking out one! I am sure the cat did it to let us mere humans know who is really in charge of the garden! Jonah House has a beautiful kitchen dining area with a wall of windows overlooking the cemetery. I understand they had birdfeeders but the flock of guinea hens would cause such a racket outside the windows eating the seed that had fallen that conversation in the house could not be heard. So now a thistle sock hangs from a clothes line and American goldfinches and finches abound eating the seed. They were so beautiful and reminded me of the years in Blacksburg when I fed the finches and waited their spring and fall arrival in our backyard. It was so good to see again the "living butter yellow" dancing through the sky.

Friday evening is movie night provided by Netflix and the community gathered to watch "Paper clip" a story of a middle school in Tennessee whose students collected 6 million paperclips, one for each person killed in the Holocaust. A student had asked, "What does 6 million look like?" It is a beautiful movie telling the story of learning tolerance not only by the students over about 4 years of the project but also for the adult town members (1600) themselves. The memorial eventually included 11 million out of a total 29 million clips collected. The extra 5 million represent the others killed in the Holocaust. The school/town was visited by a group of Holocaust survivors from New York and a German couple who became very active with the students on the project obtained from Germany one of the actual cattle cars used to transport persons to the death camps. This cattle car became the repository for the paperclips and other mementos including letters from survivors/their families. After the movie we talked about the national movement of resistance to the Nazis by the Norwegians as they wore a paperclip to signify their non-violent decision not to obey Nazi commands.

On Saturday, everyone who chooses sleeps in, a couple of folks went to the Farmer's Market, others awoke to continue cleaning the property. Carol and Ardith worked on cutting brush, after getting soaked and rained out on Friday. Joe and Gary went to gather wood for the stove for winter warmth. I slept in, washed a sweater which I haven't been able to do as it needs to lay flat to dry (can't do that in a hotel room) and finished and showed to all who were interested Jason's photo album of his recovery at Walter Reed. Some of the Jonah House members were very emotionally and spiritually upset by the photos of Jason's injuries as they have all been to prison for committing civil disobedience to stop war beginning with the Vietnam era. I identify with them as I had the same feelings when I first arrived at Jason's bedside and all during these months that I have spent at WR with the suffering of other families and their wounded soldiers. It is only as a RC womanpriest of healing and reconciliation do I have the courage to be here for others. My love as his mother compels my presence for Jason as Mary at the Cross.

Saturday afternoon Gary and I headed to Baltimore's Charles Theater to attend the DaVinci Code. We invited everyone but they all begged off "with Saturday chores/we'll see the DVD." I had enjoyed the book as a "murder mystery" (not having any problem with its theological implications. It's fiction, folks). I enjoyed the movie especially the special effects that permitted the scenes to overlay the present with the past. Gary informed me that Baltimore has the highest violent crime rate in the nation. I thought, "I am glad Jonah House is located here to be a center of prayer and action for justice and peace." One of its ministries is supplying food for those who are hungry every Tuesday. We unloaded the food from the central food bank on Saturday morning. They fill up a van with macaroni and cheese, soups, boxes of cereal, pasta, etc. Bags of groceries are made up and distributed on Tuesday. They also use some of the purchased food for their own meals throughout the week. I only pray that the RCC would do more in the inner cities to provide jobs, health care and education and housing not close parishes and schools. But I digress...

When we got back from the movie and after dinner, the members take turns preparing meals, Liz suggested that we take the llamas and the goats for an evening walk out of their fenced in enclosure and around the cemetery paths. I couldn't have enjoyed any thing more than to see goats and llamas frolic along the paths in front of us. The pleasure expressed in the behavior of these animals brought tears to my eyes more than once as I watched the goats eat poison ivy, roses both the bushes and the flowers (none of this "Take time to smell the roses"-just "Eat them" attitude), mulberry trees, and wild grapes. The llamas walked ahead also tasting to their left and right sides of the path. They romping reminded me of kids let out of school after a hard day of work. They had been resting in their pasture yet once they got out of the enclosure it was as if none of the animals hadn't eaten in months! The grass is greener on the other side of the fence and poison ivy by the goat mouthful is delicious. The wonder of God's creation and the marvels of earth's evolution are spirit healing.

At the end of our walk, it was a delight to see the goats stretch up from their back legs to play a game of "catch us prune the plum tree." It must be a regular stop as the goats made a bee line for the tree immediately followed by Gary and Liz who literally collared them and dragged them down out of the leafy branches as "the goats unrepentantly chewed away." Made me laugh. Sort of like Charlie Brown and his kite. You know where the kite is going! We went in and as usual, I headed to bed about 9 PM falling asleep with the light on as the Peace of Jonah House settled into my soul and my body relaxed.

Sunday morning was another quiet slow time for me, however everyone else was preparing food and the liturgy which about 20 people of the Johan House Extended members attended. Susan presided and the liturgy with its shared homily/reflection time lasted about 2 and 1/2 hours. Some of the members present were Sr. Mary, Mary from CO, David, Joe, Rosemary and Art who had a DVD addressing the health issues surrounding the use of depleted uranium. Another movie discussed was Conviction the story of Sr. Carol's and Sr. Ardith's action at a nuclear weapons site. Both sisters went to prison and Ardith was only recently released after serving a 3 year sentence. Sr. Ardith said that her dad says, "I have the A to Z alphabet kids, one is in the military and one protests the actions of that military." The sisters told many stories of living near the SAC base in Michigan and befriending the soldiers and their families.

The readings focused on Ascension and "What it means to be a witness for Jesus/Compassion of God to the ends of the earth." We discussed the memory of the early faith community and what they were trying to communicate theologically about the Presence of Jesus with them by speaking of the resurrection and the ascension. After the service we ate lunch together and continued to discuss events, lives, and what it means to be a Peacemaker following Jesus. The sisters noted that research has shown that anyone in prison for 18 months suffers PTS. It is good Jonah House is a healing center for its members.

Liz who taught art history/appreciation/criticism said she did not like DaVinci "all of his figures are androgonous" as we had been talking about "Mary Magdalene in the Last Supper, not John (DaVinci Code)." Liz has been taking a water color class and showed us her photo copies of her latest Paul and Silas, the goats as they grazed by the barn. I know water color is a diffiuclt medium and she does very well. I looked at the goats, one is facing us, one is turned away. I thought of Liz and her deceased husband. Liz faces us. There is a wonderful collage hanging in the kitchen by Liz of the web of life filled with people, plants and animals. I liked it very much. It reminded me of my pastel called "Friends Visiting" and is of a mother elephant and her baby with the background being our front yard in Blacksburg. We are all one, all from one beautiful blue planet. Our DNA traces our development through the evolutionary process, will our love and compassion be our legacy for the next generation?

As I headed toward Jonah House on Thursday I remembered the ending line of Candide by Voltaire "That is very well put, said Candide, but we must cultivate our garden." I was not surprised but knew it to be synchronicity when I chose a bedroom, bright with sunlight and facing West with a copy of Candide on its bookshelf. Earlier in the chapter, they have a conversation with a Turk who says, "I have only twenty acres, replied the Turk; I cultivate them with my children, and the work keeps us from three great evils, boredom, vice and poverty. Candide, as he walked back to his farm meditated deeply over the words of the Turk...I know also, said Candide, that we must cultivate our garden."

Reflecting on my time at Jonah House, my first visit that the members do "cultivate our garden." The Garden of:

the reign of God, enfleshing justice and peace through action and through example of "Living simply so that others might simply live."
individual lives growing ever deeper into the Peace that only "God can give."
communal sharing of faith and support for one another and all whom God sends to their door of gracious hospitality as of Abraham and Sarah of old.
vegetables, fruit trees, flowers, and animals to nourish body and spirit
of the cemetery, honoring those who have died and providing a living witness to the cycle of life, death, and life. We all shall lie in the cemetery and only our love remain in the collective unconscious of humanity and memories of those who knew us.

Thank you, each member of Jonah House, "Nemaste," "The God in me greets the God in you." May the blessings you are and which you shared with me come back to you three fold. Till we meet again. May we walk humbly with God "in the garden in the evening" as we work for justice and peace.

To Have a Part
-Honored to Participate

I give thanks Holy Mystery,
to have a part in this evolutionary phenomenon,
and to strive for communion with all of life,
however diverse and bewildering,
to be alive and conscious
in the midst of an unfolding universe
whose existence stretches back
an almost unthinkable passage of time,
across an almost inconceivable ocean of space.

To know my own true name this day
is to recognize myself to be your creature, your child,
your very hope and promise,
and to pledge myself as faithfully as I can
to celebrate my part in this colossal drama
with passion and humility.
Amen.
___________________________________
We are called to put our hands on creation and speak to it in words and touch, telling it how lovely it is--because it cannot remember. We are called to remember loveliness for one another until each of can remember, believe, and live in that love. Sr. Mary Goergen, OSF

Both from Prayers to an Evolutionary God by William Cleary:2004

Jason Plans to Celebrate Memorial Day

2006-05-25T06:09:00.000-05:00

We woke up at 4:30 this morning so that I might take Jason to Reagan National and send him on his way to Chicago. His dad was to visit Jason in DC this Memorial weekend. Dow said, "I really don't want to come to DC, how about you coming home?" Jason checked the plane fares and thanks to the travel fund, to which so many of you have contributed so generously, was able to say, "Got a good ticket price; I'll visit."

Jason has plans to visit with his friends and attend a concert, visit a new bar in Chicago, see the premier of the X-Men (I believe) and be the honored guest at a BBQ on Sunday hosted by his dad at our condo in Rogers Park. May Jason have a most wonderful time away in Chicago, making good memories.

I spent an hour this morning helping Chaplain Fran unpack in her new room. She obviously couldn't wait and had put away all her clothes and personal items. She was laying on the bed "resting" as I told her "too much PT" for you this morning! We sorted out many canned goods and sent to the Mologne "garage table" for others to use. It has a very nice mini kitchen which I am sure her family will put to good use when they visit. I didn't see any cooking utensils so a trip to the PX will be in order to buy the basic pots. It would be nice if Mologne House volunteers could keep the kitchens supplied with pots, etc. Fran's brother will come tomorrow for the holiday weekend. Blessings on them both. I learned if I have to do any packing I will definitely do it in "manageable junks of time and effort."

While Jason is away I will visit Jonah House in Baltimore returning on Monday to attend a memorial for Lt. Ken Ballard at Arlington National Cemetary to which I have been invited by his mother Karen. Jonah House has goats and a llama and a garden. I plan to pray and to rest among friends whose lives are Ministry of Peacemaking in the Roman Catholic tradition of non-violence and justice seeking. I am looking forward to this Sacred time and being in Sacred space found in the city. Such Places of Peace can be found where ever we live, we need to seek them out.

May your activities this weekend be filled with fun, laughter, friends and family as we celebrate Memorial Day and the "opening of summer." We are expecting rain showers in the Washington/Baltimore corridor pretty much all of the weekend.

Wednesday: Quote of the Day "FANTASTIC," Dr. Scott Golarz

2006-05-25T05:23:00.000-05:00

Neither Jason nor I could fall asleep. Neither of us could say why. Jason said he had only a couple of hours of sleep. Psychic energy was just bouncing around our spirits and not letting us rest. It has been a number of months since I struggled to fall asleep in this manner. So when I awoke Jason to go to PT and his check in with Dr. Golarz he said, "Couldn't sleep, let me get a couple of hours" so I did. I woke him about 10 AM and he worked on installing his game got dressed and we walked over to the Wednesday Surgery Clinic. We did not have an appointment, not sure they keep their schedule that way so Jason read his latest book, "See No Evil." I read the newspapers to catch up on the latest shenanigans in politics and American life. I have come to like USA Today while I have been here and receive it free thanks to Mologne House.

Toward noon Jason was called in by Dr. Golarz and asked, "Going to Chicago for the weekend; can I get you anything?" Dr. G said, "Glad you're going, let's take a look at the wound." I told Dr. G about Jason's growing sensitivity to the glue in the "band aid" placed over the gauze patch. "We can fix that." Dr. G removed the wound dressing and exclaimed, "Fantastic!" his very favorite word for all the times he has checked Jason's wounds these last 7 months. Jason asked about a date for his 30 day con leave? "Come and see me in two weeks, I will be better able to tell you then." Instead of a gauze sticky Jason now has a gauze patch over the wound dressings and it is held in place by two strips of surgical tape. Let's hope this doesn't become a skin irritant for Jason. Dr. Golarz informed us that he would do his vascular specialty fellowship at Dallas Texas in a year, "Go Cowboys." I am sure that will become his mantra.

After we headed to Panera Bread so Jason could get his sandwich and return videos to Hollywood video. Jason worked on installing his game and began to play while I did a few chores around the room. Captain Fran has had no one staying with her since last weekend when her Aunt left. Chaplain Cpt. Fran and I had been playing telephone tag and I caught her in her room. "Katy, I will be moved today from my room. My family has asked for a suite so they can cook for me while they are here. I am exhausted from packing." I said, "I'll come right down." I arrived at her room and helped Fran by packing up a dresser full of canned goods that her family had purchased. Fran looked good but I could tell she was very tired and had no energy. We talked for a while and I left to go to Quixote for liturgy and dinner. I worry about Fran when I leave. Who will take care of her when her family is unable to be with her? I encouraged her to call Med Hold Company and ask for any help she might need. She said the chaplains had been very supportive of her when she first arrived but long term...Sigh, her experience re-confirms my position that Mologne House is the "8th floor of WR" and should provide all the support found in the actual hospital itself. If Fran's treatment goes well and she gains energy, I propose she become the chaplain for Mologne and Fisher Homes. A beautiful, gentle, loving spirit, such a treasure for the community of believers of the Christian faith.

At Quixote we prayed for Fran and all the soldiers. We prayed for all the soldiers who have died especially Alex and his family. It was such a blessing to be immersed into the Presence of Godde and the personal peace attending liturgy at Quixote brings my own spirit. May God provide you with gentle, loving, wise women and men to be with you on your journey of life. Please hold in your thoughts and prayers Jason's continual healing. Please imagine myself finding the right position when I return to Chicago shortly and begin my job search after taking some reflection and re-creation time for myself.

Uncle Stan Cohen Visits

2006-05-23T19:30:00.000-05:00

Jason and I were up early. Jason was off to PT while I attended a funeral service at Washington's National Cathedral and internment at Arlington National Cemetary. When I got back late in the afternoon, Jason and I looked at his new voice activated computer he received today from the Veterans Administration. He began to load it with his favorite game Sid Meier's Civilization IV. I assume that the VA knows that computers are used for many things beside prepping for college classes. :-)

Around 4:00 we heard a knock on the door, we thought it was Jason's Uncle Stan come to visit. I opened the door and it was Active Reserve Duty Sargent Joe Leonard. I went with Joe to the Cherry Blossom Festival in March. We were happy to see him. "Got to tell you, I am leaving WR tomorrow!" Jason said, "Outstanding" I felt sad as I am going to miss Joe. His commander back in MN has worked it out that Joe can return to his home and family and if Med Board is in his future, Joe can do it through the local Army connections. Joe will have to go to Mississippi to be demobalized than head home to his wife and two preschool age children! We were so happy for Joe. Jason took our picture together and we exchanged addresses and email. It was so good to see Joe before he left and so glad he took the time to stop by. He has purchased a new car, a Honda I believe so will be driving home. I am so happy for this young man who I know will make a wonderful deacon and maybe a married priest one day. May God keep Joe and his family in the palm of God's hand.

Then we decided I should check down in the Mologne lobby. Maybe Uncle Stan was waiting. I headed down and the lobby was full of folks including Stan! Stan said he had just arrived as traffic had been heavy. He and I headed to the room where Jason was waiting. Jason said, "Let's head out to Silver Springs for a coffee." We sat outside with a Starbucks and talked for awhile then headed for the Macaroni Grill and dinner of pasta. Jason and Stan spent the time talking about stocks especially in the gaming industry and wines as that is also one of Stan's many interests. Jason asked about the work of security at embassies as one of his fellow officers was looking for such a position. I thought that we might top dinner off by stopping at the Ben and Jerry's for a shake for Jason but Jason didn't suggest, must have been too full from his pasta dish. Jason drove back to Mologne and we said "Goodbye" to Stan. Jason will not be able to see him again as Stan returns to Brussels on Saturday. Jason promised that Jodi and he would try to visit Stan, Judy and Ben in Brussels, possibly in the fall. I remember Jason telling me, "I want to make memories, not remember them," very early after his injury and arrival at WR. I really do believe Jason and Jodi will do just that.

Katy's Tuesday:
Today it was my honor and privilege to attend the funeral service "In Celebaration and in Thanksgiving for the Life of Alessandro Carbonaro: April 19, 1978-May 10, 2006. I would especially like to remember the Honor Guard of Motorcycle Riders who stood in lines each holding a flag. Each of them a veteran him or herself. It was a clear blue sky day with a strong wind and the flags did wave in salute as the honor guard of Marines brought the flag covered casket from the hearse into the Cathedral foyer where the family waited.

The service was very moving with two young men both friends of Alex giving tribute to his life. As they fought to hold back tears we listeners could not and openly cried as we heard of the care of Alex for his brothers especially in the Marines. The music was beautiful especially the children's choir which sang Panga Linqua and the violin solo Allegro from Concerto in E by Vivaldi

We then travelled to Arlington Cementary via the St Albans (affiliated with the Cathedral) school bus where Gilda teaches Spanish. We first gathered in a center for families then drove to the gravesite where final prayers were said. The Marine Honor Guard presented flags one to the parents of Alex and one to his widow Gilly. Taps was played on the bugle and a gun salute was given. My heart was touched at the beauty of the folding of the flag that had draped the coffin and when it was given to the family. All were invited to say a final goodbye at the coffin.

I would like to share from the service prayers

Almighty God, in whose hands are the living and the dead: We give you thanks for all your servants who have laid down their lives in the service of our country, especially Alex and his teammates Cory Paler, Stephen Bixler, and Bradley Fulkes. Grant to them your mercy and the ight of your presence. We commend to your gracious care and keeping all the men and women of our armed forces at home and abroad, especially Alex's surviving treammate Jeffrey Elmore. Defend them day by day with your heavenly grace: strengthen them in their trials; give them courage to face the perils which beset them; and grant them a sense of your abiding presence wherever they may be.

This was written as a poem but the blog does not permit such spacing.

From an Old Marine

Mom, Dad weep for me. For the drooping bouquet of buttercups I brought you when I was little, For the times I sought comfort in your arms when I was scared, For the perfect throw to first base, For the dropped infield fly.

I know that my mother turned to my father in the night, Saying please don't let anything happen to my little boy. I know that my father made pledges he knew he had no way to keep. I knew their love, every day of my life.

My darling wife, weep for me, For I knew your love. It was always you with whom I wanted eternity, With whom I wanted children of our own, Wiping noses, carrying them on my shoulders when they are tired.

Marines with whom I shared danger, hardship and mirth, I thank you for your friendship, for your help. I tried my best to keep you safe, so that your might go home whole. I love others who have always loved me, But none more than you, my brothers.

My countrymen, my fellow Americans, I freely chose to serve you in this way. I was proud to serve, glad to wear the uniform. Did I die for anyone's freedom, in the defense of my country and loved ones? Ask yourselves when you look into the faces of those I loved. Go and act as their eyes tell you.

I am part of you, from you, of you. Am, not was, for I live in you.

By Doug Nelson; May 10, 2006

It was a special blessing to see many of the members of Military Families Speak Out(MFSO) present at the service and burial. Also present were members of Gold Star Families, those who have lost a soldier in this war. These members especially Gilda, Nan, Mike, Jeff were present and supported us and Jason in those life-threatening first days at Walter Reed when Jason needed someone around the clock to keep him from choking on his own blood and mucous. As we stood in the large group gathered at the graveside to say our final "Goodbyes" to Alex I felt a golden cord of love and compassion and peacemaking between us all. Wrapping Gilda and her family in bonds of friendship. Amidst despair the golden bonds of hope, working that one day the world will say, "War is Not the Answer" (Rev. Martin Luther King)

Let us keep all those who have died and their families in our thoughts and prayers. Let us strive to enflesh the American ideals to honor these fallen soldiers who went to war in our name and did not return to their loved ones.

Jason Sees Poseidon

2006-05-22T16:13:00.000-05:00

I thought cousin Gary Lewis was going to take me to the Metro this morning, however he cooked my egg and toast breakfast and drove me all the way back to Walter Reed. I asked him to come and see if we could find Jason. We found a parking spot by Mologne but Jason and Jodi were not at Mologne. After Gary dropped me off, I got a call from Jason and he wanted to eat lunch at Panera's and see a show if there was one scheduled that he'd hadn't seen yet.

We caught up with each other's weekend's activities over lunch and tried the show. There wasn't any we both wanted to see but Jason decided he wanted to watch Poseidon so I walked back to WR to resume my daily regime of walking 2.5 miles for exercise. Jason will continue to practice driving the car so he will drive back to WR. Jason said that Poseidon was "okay."

When I got back to the room, I began washing clothes, doing the blog and the phone rang. It was Jason's Uncle Stan Cohen (my sister Judy's husband) from Brussels here to see about "next-step" housing for his mother. (I reported on my visit with Florence in an earlier blog). Florence would like to return to her own home so Stan will have to decide if, with assistance for Florence, that is possible. Because of his and Jason's schedule, Stan has only tomorrow afternoon to visit Jason so he will have to "make it work" if at all possible.

I went to the mess hall for dinner and Jason went to Wendy's as he called me while I was eating my salad and asked, "Want anything from Wendy's?" I said, "No thanks." So we met later at the room. Jason talked to Jodi on the phone while I went downstairs and talked to Lisa about the "end of school year." I am collecting boxes to help pack Jason up and store while he is on con leave whenever the Doc gives his approval. I have to begin to pack for my return to Chicago.

If you have any connections in Chicago let me know as I will be looking for work on my return. Let us give thanks for friends and families and movie makers. Let us give thanks for beautiful days in spring; this one had blue sky sprinkled with puffy clouds.

Weekend Report: May 20

2006-05-22T14:51:00.000-05:00

Jason and Jodi spent the weekend together. They saw Over the Edge and the highlight of the weekend was going to a Vaudville Show with Dan and Erin. Jason said the jokes were as corny as expected but they all wanted to have more. Jason said, "Too much singing in this show." He did say the singers were good he just wanted more of the traditional comedy acts. Jason was also impressed by the sword swallower who swallowed a lit "neon tube" Jason said you could see the glow through his skin. Vaudville Revival is "in" as one of the acts is going to a national gathering in Las Vegas.

Jason was up early to take Jodi to the airport on Monday morning.

I really enjoyed my time with the our cousins Monica and Gary Lewis and their daughter Marcie at their apartment home in Waldorf, MD. Gary is a consultant for Homeland Security so we didn't talk much about his work. Monica works for Harris Teeter checking bar code prices of all the products in a store, never ending as the State makes price monitoring visits each month. We literally spent the weekend talking and catching up as grandmothers, mothers, and cousins. Monica and Gary have been gone from Punxtawney PA for 8 years so do not have the close ties with the Zatsick side of the family as their two grown daughters live nearby in MD.

I walked the trail in their apartment subdivision which reminded me very much of our subdivision in Blacksburg VA. Waldorf was a sleepy town when Monica and Gary moved there, but has been developing like crazy and now has about 80,000 in population. It was wonderful to sleep with the window open and be awakened by birdsong at 5 AM. I would listen and when it was over before six fall back to sleep until about 8 AM. Gary does the cooking and makes amazing dishes. Breakfast is his specialty so I had wonderful eggs and toast "served up just for me."

Gary and Monica love stripping and redoing old furniture. Marcie their daughter loves old pieces so Sunday we went to a local flea market housed in a old tobacco barn. There was furniture for sale but, of course, "Sold" was on the pieces Marcie was looking for-a curio/china cabinet. The selection was sparse as the season probably opens on Memorial Day weekend. There were stands with items just put up but not organized.

We stopped at a vegetable stand and bought fresh local cabbage. Gary made a Polish dish that Aunt Helen Verona made: it is _____. Made of cabbage, egg noodles and onions. I do not remember ever having it, but it was wonderful! We also had fresh asparagus and musk melon from Florida which was just perfect in ripeness. Aunt Helen would go to her daughters' homes if asked and teach them how to cook the Polish traditional recipes that were "without written directions." She like my own mother did not let the children cook as youngsters. I really think it was because our families were poor and had limited funds. Like my mother and dad, Aunt Helen and her husband grew vegetables to supplement the food for the family. Like my mother Aunt Helen canned "the food for the winter." Aunt Helen also was a good Polka dancer and was willing to teach her children and grandchildren how to polka! I wish she could have taught me!

A special thanks to Monica and Gary for their wonderful hospitality. A special thank you to Marcie for her wisdom and caring for abused children through her position as social worker for protective services. May God bless Marcie's work in taking care of those most vulnerable in our communities. Let us be thankful for the elders in our families. May we spend time "listening to their stories" and honoring their lives and the gifts they gave us. May we share their stories and their wisdom with the next generations. Let us continue to hold in thought and prayer Jason's healing especially of his surgery incision so that he may go on con leave.

Jodi Comes for a Visit

2006-05-19T08:21:00.000-05:00

Jason and I headed over to PT at 8:30 this morning. Kyla helped with the wound dressing change and it went well. Jason said pouring saline on the dressing before removal really helped and nothing was like the removal of the sponges for a painful experience. Jason will walk Jodi through the dressing change this evening.

I am off to visit our cousins on Jason's grandfather Zatsick's(my father) side of the family. Monica (and her husband Gary) is my dad's youngest sister's daughter and live in Waldorf MD. I am to go to the end of the Green line and they will pick me up there.

Jodi is flying in from Orlando and will spend the weekend with Jason.

May each of you be blessed with a beautiful peaceful weekend with time for chores and relaxation.

Jason Drives to WR from Chinatown

2006-05-18T15:54:00.000-05:00

We were up at 6:45 to go to Surgery Clinic on the 5th floor for a 7:30 appointment. Dr. Golarz removed the wound vacuum and said, "We will go to wet to dry dressings. You (Katy) will change the dressing twice a day. Come back at 3:30 and you can go through the change process. It will take time for this wound to heal." Jason said "This time the removal of the sponge did not hurt as much. The anticipation was worse than the actual removal."

Jason and I headed down to Chinatown because Jason wanted to eat at the Matchbox. We each had a personal pizza-mine had artichokes and mushrooms. Yummm. Jason had sausage on his. Jason wanted to check for some good hiking shoes. We went to City Sports and he purchased two pairs, hikers for Scotland and "shower slippers." Jason drove us back to Walter Reed up 14th Street.

Back to WR and Dr. Golarz I practiced/watched as

Wet gauze with saline solution.
Cut off chunk about 2 inches long for stoma wound.
Pack incision with gauze
Cover with a square of gauze
Cover with protective plastic square.

I had been fearing this as I did not know if I could emotionally do the procedure, to see Jason's open raw flesh and his surgery wounds . I dropped the first gauze that I prepared. I told Dr. Golarz, "If I pass out don't let my head hit a sharp corner." When done I said, "I didn't pass out and I didn't vomit." He said, "Come back tomorrow and I will walk you through it again." Dr. Golarz said, "His stoma wound is healing well. It is very small."

Jason went to the pharmacy for the wound care items and I headed back to Mologne. Jennifer from the production company making a documentary(possible title "Fighting for life") on military health care called and said they were on the way. I asked Jason and he said, "I thought they were coming next Thursday." He said it was okay and we could meet with them in the courtyard behind Mologne. Terry and Jennifer arrived with Eric and Bruce and we went outside. They interviewed Jason while I talked with Jennifer. Then Terry said, "We'd like to interview you also." I sat next to Jason on the bench and he asked me where I was when I first heard the news.

I thought you have not written about this on the blog so...Dow was in Chicago and I was visiting Lisa and Charlie and the grandkids in Tampa. We got the call after midnight from Dow who had just been notified. Lisa came into where I was sleeping crying. We gathered the basics. "Hurt badly, lost an arm. In Bilad." Both Lisa and Dow did not believe this call and wanted to verify as Jason had warned us about a cruel joke, folks call soldiers families and tell them their soldier is hurt. Lisa got on the phone with a friend connected to the military to find out how to verify. (I believe Jason stayed in Bilad about a day then was flown to Landstuhl in a medically induced coma for pain control.) Charlie awoke and we all went to the family room. We were all in shock and all were crying. I said, "We don't know if Jason is alive or if he will live, let us spend time in prayer." We prayed for life, for all who would take care of Jason, for forgiveness of those who had done this, for peace, for ourselves and what was to come. Sometimes we sat in the stillness. We hugged each other and cried.

I decided to stay with Lisa, my plane left on Sunday, I believe, as we could do nothing till we heard more. I knew Lisa needed my support. Early Saturday Lisa contacted everyone by email letting them know that Jason was injured by and IED and was considered Very Seriously Injured or critical in civilian medicine.

Terry then went on to ask me "How was it when you first saw Jason at WR?" I arrived on Thursday after Jason's arrival at WR on Tuesday. I had not thought of a metaphor for the experience of seeing Jason for the first time and the immediate experiences after until Terry asked. Until today I have answered, "I entered the living Hell of a peace activist." Today I said, "It was as if I was holding the lava pouring from an erupting volcano. Trying to hold the physical, emotional, spiritual needs of Jason and Dow and myself. Trying to garner the resources necessary to save Jason's life and make good decisions for his care." I like this metaphor since our interview this afternoon. For this experience has seared my soul, burned up all else, consumed all else that came before. Diann Neu my therapist here said this last session, "This experience has changed you." I stand emotionally and spiritually in a different place. If I was told that I had a terminal disease, I would not blink. My own death would be far easier compared to the experience of having my only son wounded so horrifically in war. The lava burns away all in its path and what is my truth is clearly seen as all else has been devoured by the heat and fire.

Please hold in your thoughts Jason's healing. He and Jodi have plans to go to Scotland in late June. His incision wound must close completely. Image Jason's incision closed and healed without infection or complication. Image Jason healed and enjoying his convalescence leave in Scotland. May Jason heal completely in mind, body and spirit. May you rest comfortably this night giving thanks for life.

Wednesday 5/17

2006-05-18T14:15:00.000-05:00

Jason slept into 10:30, drank OJ while I got ready to head out to counseling in Silver Spring and a 5 mile walk round trip on a very pretty day.

Getting back to the room, Jason needed to get dressed. He now needs a belt to keep his pants up. Jason tried to wear his Skin belt but it caught his belly stitches so he had to take it off. Jodi and he spent time on the same Scotland page checking out the sights. After Jason decided to go to Macaroni Grill for an afternoon lunch and I thought this maybe my last time to eat here. I ate the wonderful warm herb bread with butter while Jason dipped his in olive oil.

Returning to Mologne we had a quiet afternoon until I left for Quixote Center and liturgy. The circle was small with 5 members present. The readings for the coming Sunday (which we use as our reflections) are the famous passages about God is Love (1 John 4:7-10). I had brought a candle for each member of the circle and said, "You have been the Light of God's Love for me in a personally dark time spiritually. The Love of this circle has sustained me. I will always hold you in my heart. When you light the candle do say a prayer of healing for Jason and I."

When I got back to the room, Jason was getting ready to watch Top Chef. We thought this was the end of the show but it was an elimination round and the end is next week. Humph. They cooked in a Las Vegas hotel for different "players" including actual pokerplayers who liked chicken wings best! (good tasting finger food). The chef who won likes to play poker and made food he likes!

Lights out at 11 as Jason must get up at 6:45 for his "Wound vac check to see if can come off" appointment.

May all of you know that you are of God who is Love in the friendship and compassion you have shown to Jason and all our family. Blessings.

Whose Heading North on Georgia Ave? Jason

2006-05-16T18:43:00.000-05:00

Today was a quiet Tuesday. I wrote the blog, read emails, washed clothes as Jason slept in to about 11 AM. I went over to the mess hall and got a sandwich for Jason for lunch and a pretzel.

We had a quiet afternoon watching TV and organizing the room. I wrote birthday cards for the rest of May as I like to "stay in touch" the 20th century way, snail mail. Late in the afternoon, Jason said, "Let's go out to eat, I think I want Lebanese." As you know, my favorite is Lebanese so off we went. I asked, "Jason want to take a crack at driving on Georgia?" He said, "Sure" and gave it a try. Tight turns are the most difficult as his left wrist is still inflexible. Also I wonder if a key can be placed on the left side as it was hard for him to manipulate the off/on movement with a right hand key placement.

Jason was looking for a guide book to Scotland at Borders as he plans to travel there with Jodi while on his 30 day con leave. After Jason got a Ben and Jerry's Mint chocolate chip shake for desert. When we got back to the room, Jason had purchased a DVD of the Producers so we watched the musical while he text messaged Jodi. The movie wasn't over till 10 PM, then he talked to Jodi about travel plans. After Jason read the novel that Henry Clum (friend from collage) sent him until he finished it. Don't know how long that took Jason, but it was early this morning in the wee hours that he finished it.

Let us give thanks for travel plans and Jason's healing of body, spirit and mind. May all your summer outings and vacations and events be filled with happy memories and gatherings of families and friends. Blessings

Wallet? What Wallet?

2006-05-15T13:43:00.000-05:00

Jason slept in to about 10 AM. When I returned from signing in for the family meeting Jason was finishing his shower. I began to clean out the goodies from under the bed. I gave away some food from the early-on care packages that Jason said he wouldn't eat. I gave the items to the "Mologne House Table" in the lobby, as I have said before it is a "free garage sale" and staff and family members take the items. That is where I will put all items not wanted by Jason as he packs for his 30 day convalescence leave (hopefully beginning the first week of June). I like the idea so much to give to those just arriving at Mologne House. I sorted papers and books and etc.

We headed to the hospital to take care of Monday morning chores.

First we went to Surgery Clinic because Jason was to have his wound vac checked and sponge replaced. They said Dr. G was away and come back later at 1 PM. So we did some other chores first. Removing the old sponge hurts Jason as it attaches to the tissue by the fluids of the body. I wince when he hurts. Jason was hoping to have the vac removed but Dr. Amy asked Dr G (not present) and Dr. G said he will check it on Thursday and decide if the vac can be removed. It still makes me queasy to look at the wound and Jason's inner flesh.
Dow needed Jason's signature to apply for a subsidized trip to see Jason Memorial Day weekend. For the first time Jason went to Family Assistance, walking. Everyone looked at him. Moscow one of the staff said, "He is doing so well and looks so good." I said, "Doesn't he!" Jason only had to write his signature and Moscow said she would contact Dow and complete the application.
Jason had received an email from his commander at Ft Stewart. The Treasury Department had personal items that belonged to Jason. Jason was intrigued, "What could it be? Why was it at WR and not in Ft. Stewart or Chicago?" His other items had all arrived at one of the two places except his 300 item DVD collection that was stolen. A scavenger hunt by any other name...So off we went to the 2nd floor and the soldier manning the desk could not find Jason's notice in his handy file. He comes back with another civilian with keys. They open something out of sight and return with a plastic bag with Jason's wallet. Jason exclaims,"How the heck?" The soldier begins taking things out of small plastic bags in the big plastic bag: Jason's wallet itself, credit cards, Military ID, driver's license, and $27 in cash which he counted out to Jason. Now to answer Jason's puzzlement, "Why in Treasury?" I begin to look at the ID tags: "Jason this Red Cross tag is from Bilad to Landstuhl. Jason this tag is from Landstuhl to WRAMC. Jason this tag says the wallet arrived with you on the 18th at WR!" Mystery solved, the wallet did come with Jason all the way from Iraq. Now a new mystery, "Why was it in Treasury and Ft. Stewart never notified till this week?" "Why couldn't Treasury find Jason as he was an inpatient till February and been on the Post all this time?" I don't think Jason wants to pursue the chain of command of the "wallet communications." So you all can come up with your own answers. Jason said it sure would have been nice as we had to cancel and obtain new credit cards and IL driver's license.
Jason and I had lunch in the mess hall for the first time. Jason had the Monday special-a huge hamburger. The "Gov" was there and I asked him to extend my very sincere apologies for the rose/politics fiasco on Mother's Day to Dr. Wagner whom I assume was as livid as I was shocked and embarrassed for the behavior of peace volunteers.
Jason stopped off at PT to once again schedule workouts with Kyla. He will begin again this week. We saw the Pet Therapy staff member while there. He is a cute big puppy, what a job, he literally "laid down and spread out" on the floor.

As we were walking back to Mologne, we saw a young African-American woman burning something on the ground. Jason stopped to talk to a soldier and I thought I would stop and ask if I could help. I saw that she was burning a pair of about size 2 shoes, "Hello, I am Katy, would you like to talk? May I help?" "I am Lee, I am okay" and she begins to cry. "Sometimes we can't talk, May I give you a hug?" "Yes, please do." I wrap her in my arms and feel her deep pain and hold on to her for her dear life. "I'm in room 316, please call anytime if you would like to talk." I begin to enter Mologne and out comes a woman African-American manager. I tell her of the encounter, "Please see if you can talk to her, she needs someone to be with her." I look back and the women are talking. Please keep Lee in your good thoughts and prayers and all those who loose children in any way.

Jason rested in the afternoon and I headed to the Noodles company getting bowls for Jason and myself. I walked the track after 8 PM and love this time of gentle evening light. I took photos but do not know how they will come out as I am using disposable cameras.

Please continue to pray for Jason's healing of his mind, body and spirit. Please pray and hold in your good thoughts Jason's future-may it be bright and full of happy memories and wonderful travel and adventures. May he and Jodi enjoy his 30 day leave that is coming soon. Please pray for my future as I return to Chicago without a position and for my relationships there. Hold good thoughts for me and all of our family as we begin a new time on the journey of life as individuals and a family. I will hold each of you in my hearts as I give thanks for your support and care.

Who's Behind the Wheel? Jason! That's Who

2006-05-14T19:38:00.000-05:00

Today being Mother's Day, the schedule was a little different.
Jason slept in till about 10:30, talked to Jodi and asked, "What do you want to do today?" Jason said, "What about lunch and a movie?" Lois Spoden had called earlier and just then called again. Jason got on the phone, "What are you doing coming to visit me on Mother's Day?" I said, "Jason Lois is like a second mother to you and a friend." I think Lois truly is. Anyway I don't know who persuaded whom, but Lois said she would bring her 16 year old son Chris and come for lunch. They would be at Mologne about 2:30.

Jason spent time on the computer and then Lt. Ken Ballard's mother called. She had visited Arlington cemetery this morning and was at the airport going home early. Karen had wanted to meet with Jason today but she needed to "get out of DC." Jason and Karen had a nice visit over the phone. She asked about photos of Ken but Jason had lost his digital photos along the journey. Karen will be back Memorial Day and wants to try to get together with Jason that weekend.

Lois and Chris arrived and we headed out to McGinty's Irish Pub because Macaroni Grill had an hour wait for dinner. Everyone was taking their mothers out to dinner there. When we got to McGinty's we were the ONLY people in the pub! I said, "Jason you take mothers to the "hot spots!" The food at McGinty's IS good and we all recommend it. Lois loved the clam chowder, Chris loved his macaroni and cheese. Jason had Guiness beef stew and I had fish and chips. Jason couldn't believe I "peeled" the batter from the fish and ate the fish. Chris made us smile with his favorite animal stories including "An elderly lady reported a peeping tom to the police, when they arrived they found a raccoon clinging to the screen. And a Park ranger stopped a man who was trying to get a black bear into the driver's seat. The man said, "I wanted to take a picture of a bear behind the wheel with my wife in the passenger's seat."

After lunch Chris and Lois had to leave, Chris said, "I didn't get to tell Jason about my career possibilities." We all felt badly, "Chris you and your mom will have to take Jason out to lunch another day so you can talk to him about careers." We took pictures outside of the pub and I said "Goodbye" as I will probably not see Lois again before I leave WR. "Thank you" Lois and Dan for being such good friends.

After the movie Art School Confidential with John Malkovich (sp?), Jason and I headed back to Mologne. I asked, "Jason want to practice driving the car?" He has not driven a car since before going to Iraq and not since he arrived at Walter Reed. "Okay, Mom pull it over and I will give it a try." So I switched places after we entered the Post and Jason drove for about a half hour through the parking lots, in the underground garage, around traffic circles and parking. Jason parked at Mologne and said, "That was a real workout for my wrist." I hadn't thought of driving as OT/PT. Jason felt good about his "first time out behind the wheel." Jason did say "Driving is hard on the stitches" in his belly.

After Jason headed to the room, the rain had stopped and the sun was the beautiful early evening and I headed for the track for a walk. Earlier I had called soldier Joe (trip to Lourdes) as he had wanted to get together for Mother's Day and I couldn't make it. We are talking on the cell as I walk around the track. And there is Joe looking at a pick-up in the parking lot! I say, "Joe? Is that you?" It was like a scene from a movie or a sit-com. Joe said, "I sure am glad I didn't lie about where I was." What a hoot, life imitating art. Joe said that he had been able to run a lap and a half earlier today and I was happy for him. "Walk with me, I will help you do PT." Joe joined me for about 2 times around and said, "You walk at a good pace, I will have to bow out." We make a date for Tuesday lunch as I want to go out with Joe before I leave and I won't be on Post for most of the next two weekends. Joe is such a very nice young man and he has been a blessing in my time here. It will be so hard to say "Good bye" to the friends I have made while I have been at WR.

Flowers to say "Thank You and Happy Mother's Day."

I have lived by the rule for myself while I have been at WR: Politics exist outside the Post. They are not to enter Jason's room or presence. While I am here on the grounds, Jason's healing has been the focus of all my wits, experience, and spiritual and emotional energy as mother and as patient advocate. A group that holds vigils for peace and "to take care of our soldiers when they come home-health care and benefits" offered to contribute flowers for Mother's Day for the mothers at Mologne. When I was told there would be over 300 roses to distribute I was taken aback. I thought this gives me an opportunity to say "thank you" to all the personnel whom I can meet today, knowing that I would never be able to say blessings to each of all the many, many staff who have cared so tenderly for Jason both in and out of the hospital. Whom God sends me, I will offer thanks for their gifts in Jason's life.

I firmly believe that God is Love and even though it is Mother's Day, the Compassion and Tender Care given by all the staff at WR to patients and we family members is "Mother/Father God." Through their Compassion, WR staff create the Sacred Space where healing can take place for family and soldier patients. We know the concrete reality of the physical suffering and healing at Walter Reed well, Compassion is the emotional and spiritual reality we experience if we are open and can "see and hear and feel" its Presence. Compassion brings healing for one's soul.

I also know that for workers in an institution, oftentimes "Thanks" are not offered, only criticism for performance. I wanted to say thanks to those who oftentimes receive no thanks. So with these intentions and understanding of the "gift of roses for Mother's Day" I meet the volunteers, I think about 5 as we are to carry roses to family and staff at Mologne, to Fischer houses, to each of the religious services, cafeteria, and wards where Jason has stayed as an inpatient. We added the pediatric ward on the recommendation of a RN. The roses are of every color and fill 5 buckets. I understand that the roses were to carry a "Happy Mother's Day" instead we have to strip the roses of Julie Ward Howe's 1870 original proclamation as it is too political for my approval.

We meet family members and staff and children and soldiers at Mologne offering wishes for the day. It was so good for me to be able to say, "Take extra for staff to say thank you for their care." The soldiers and staff were very glad to do so. One soldier in a wheel chair said, "Give me a bunch, the nurses have been so good to me." His feelings made my eyes fill with tears. Some of us went to Fischer and others went to the hospital. The minister at the 9:30 hospital service thanked us and asked for a dozen roses so he could give out to the mothers at his service.

While we waited on the third floor lobby area, we talked with a worker from the kitchen. She poured out her story of grief as she remembered loosing her uncle and mother. She told of how she sprinkled her mother's ashes on her father's grave "Mom had said that she wanted to be sprinkled there, I know I shouldn't have but..." I assured her she had done the right thing. She took two roses, one for each of her children. I thanked her for her work at the hospital and how her work provided for the soldier patients and my son. We hugged and wished each other "Happy Mother's Day." And my heart sang.

After the Catholic service, staff took bunches of the roses "to share with the members of my department." Everyone was so happy to take the roses and remarked on their beauty and were thankful for being remembered on Mother's Day. Each time I could I offered thanks and a reminder that their tender care and work supported patient soldiers and their family members as a mother cares for her children.

I gave a rose to the "Guv" when I met him in the mess hall. I thanked him for his work with the families of patient soldiers. I met Dr. Aquila after Mass and I offered him a rose for his care of Jason here at WR. I met Solomon one of the PT's and offered him a rose as thanks. Some persons asked for a white rose because their mothers had died. Some took roses for daughters or other family members. I gave roses to the Security guards both inside and at the Main Gate to the Post. I said, "Thank you" to all persons I gave the roses to.

When I returned to Mologne, the maid was visiting, I gave her one of the roses I had saved for our room. I thanked her for the work she did taking care of the soldiers' rooms. She told me of her grief this mother's day as her cousin, age 17 had just been shot and killed, I think she said two weeks ago. She was going home and her husband would cook. She asked him "What are you cooking?" He wouldn't tell her "A surprise." She smiled and we wished each other a "Happy Mother's Day" and I said I would keep her, her 4 children and her cousin's family in my prayers.

"Giving Thanks" for the goodness of others. What a wonderful morning to be able to say thanks with roses of many colors. Blessings to each of you this Mother's Day for your care and love you have offered us on our journey of healing.

Jason and Dan Do Silver Spring

2006-05-13T20:06:00.000-05:00

Jason slept in till about noon. I put up the "Privacy Please" on the door, remembering the hospital episodes of the last week. Dan called and said he was ready to go out as he had returned from a military training junket to exotic places: Danville, Virginia. I do believe that many a year (80's) ago Dow did research at a sewing plant there/near there. Jason and Dan went to Silver Spring to see...Mission Impossible III. Jason said, "It was okay" when I returned about 6 PM from my day on the Mall. I asked if he wanted something for dinner, he asked for a Ben and Jerry's Mint Chocolate Chip milkshake. However when I went to the store, about 30 people were in line. The line was just too long so I went to Whole Foods and got him a Jamba Juice: Peach with protein boost.

Katy's Day:
The day was forecasted to have rain in the afternoon so I packed my raincoat and umbrella. When we reached the Mall the sun was shining in almost a clear blue sky and so it would stay throughout the visit.

Patrice Gilbert who is a professional photographer and Jason's and my friend said she would go with me to the Mall. Allison Snow another friend had said she wanted to attend the events also. At least three events were taking place on the Mall very near the White House and the Washington Monument. I was not able to attend the Military Families Speak Out (MFSO) events as they were held earlier in the day. Patrice and I arrived shortly before 3 PM at the AFSC (Quaker) Memorial Exhibit that travels the country. It is called "Eyes Wide Open" and originated in Chicago where I had attended it and also in Milwaukee. It is a pair of military boots representing every US soldier killed in Iraq, now over 2400 pairs. They are layed out in a grid according to State. Many carry attached personal mementos and letters from family/friends.

Growing ever larger is the portion of the Memorial that includes pairs of shoes of women, men and children from Iraq killed in the war, now estimated to be over 100,000 civilians. These are layed out in a pattern of a meditation called the labyrinth inviting the visitor to follow ever deeper into the circle. Shoes of every size and type from infant to adults are included. Many have an identifier tag attached: age 1, age 6. Some have a picture and a story attached: My father age 69... I walk amongst them and think of my own grandchildren and nieces and nephews and tears come to my eyes.

Many people are walking among the shoes reading quietly, heads bowed down. I walk amongst the shoes of our soldiers knowing there are boots here from soldiers Jason knew. As I walk I feel the pain and suffering of the soldiers who have died. I am caught up in the feelings of combat before death. I say a prayer for peace for them and solace for their families. I found Lt. Ken Ballard's shoes on a table with notes from his Memorial Blog and his mother's blog (Jason and fellow Captains visited his grave in Arlington). The table carried items too large to lay out in the grid. Nearby was the uniform of soldier Lucey who committed suicide after his tour in Iraq. His family gave it to the exhibit and columns of the newspaper reports. As when I saw it for the first time in Milwaukee, my heart clenched for his parents and family and friends. Suicide is so devastating and tears the heart out of the relationships of those who cared.

Later on our way back to the car, Patrice said "I would like to visit the exhibit again." We headed toward it but it was now being taken down as a severe storm was forecasted tonight and tomorrow. Patrice stopped and took photographs while I listed to the "roll call" by state as the boots were being put away to move on to Philadelphia. "Maryland: Sgt Alessandro Carbonaro." I had thought of Gilda and her husband earlier when I saw the boots and wondered if Alex's had been added as Gilda and her husband are now members of a Goldstar Family. Now I felt I had completed my own memorial ritual for Alex. His name called, his boots packed away. Gone on the winds of time and into the history of the wars of humanity. Being present when his name had been called for the very first time as it will be called wherever the exhibit is created, I felt honored and that I had honored Alex, son of a friend. I was present when Gilda could not be. So the Circle of Compassion is open but never broken. I will think of Alex and Ken when I visit the Memorial in the future.

The visit was to Sacred Space and Sacred Time and Peace enters into one's soul if you or I are open.

Here we met Allison, thank goodness for the dreaded cell phones and headed to the Code Pink Vigil kick off. We were on the South(?) side (nearest Mall) of the White House. I didn't know what was planned and surprise it was a picture, using all of us, laying down to spell out "Moms say No War." Codepink is really creative in their actions. I would estimate about 300 folks were present. We were told that the photo would be taken from above. I am thinking "helicopter?" No, ...from the top of the Washington Monument. Photographer intrepid Patrice who I had been teasing about being "in the picture, not taking it" was separated from us as they pointed us to lie down here and there to make a W. The raincoat did come in handy as I layed down on it! All of a sudden my cell rings, it is Patrice. "Patrice, where are you? "Heading to the top of the Washington monument to take a picture!" I think you have to walk up stairs to get to the top. She just had to do it! Of course, Patrice is not part of her/history like we will be. :-) We were told that CNN had it on almost immediately.

I had headed to the "W" and looking at me is a wonderful wise Elder from Chicago! "Katy, I am so glad to see you." We reintroduce ourselves. Marsda is from Oak Park near Chicago and has been keeping up with Jason's progress through Dave Martin a mutual friend who had arranged a bus from Chicago for the September 2005 Peace Rally here in DC. Thirty hours of bus riding for 6 hours in DC, but it was worth it. Of the three moms with soldiers in Iraq that trip, one's son was killed, Jason seriously injured and I do not know the other's outcome. Marsda layed with her feet at my head. After we took pictures with her niece Katy and, I believe, a friend. When ever I see one of my wise Elders, I think "She is my future. I will be attending these events until my health stops me or I can't get up off the ground!" I have a friend in one of the Chicago Peace circles who is 88, comes every Tuesday, rain or freezing.

After being a "living letter" we headed for the Codepink campsite near the White House. There we met another mother from Chicago who is in Military Families Speak Out, Linda Englund. Her son has served I believe 2 tours in Iraq and has been hit by shrapnel. He will not be going to Iraq from Germany this tour because his wife(age 21) is very seriously ill with cancer. My heart breaks for her this Mother's Day. It was good to see Linda and spend time catching up.

Let us pray and hold in good thoughts all mothers this Mother's Day, especially those of soldiers who have died, are injured or in combat. Blessings to each of you on Mother's Day as we remember or are able to spend time with our own mothers.

In Memoriam: Sgt. Alessandro Carbonaro: Died May 10, 2006

2006-05-13T12:04:00.000-05:00

It is with great sadness, I report the death of Sgt. Alessandro Carbonaro, son of Gilda who has visited and stayed with Jason in October. From Alex's obituary in the Washington Post May 12, 2006:

A US Marine from Bethesda died Wednesday from wounds received in Iraq, 18 days before his first wedding anniversary. "They had so many plans, so many things they wanted to do," the Marine's mother, Gilda Carbonaro, said when reached by telephone yesterday in Germany, where her son died at Landstuhl Regional Medical Center.

Sgt. Alessandro Carbonaro, 28 was known as Alex. A reconnaissance Marine with numerous medals and commendations, he was wounded May 1 while involved in combat operations in Anbar province, according to the US Department of Defense. He was injured when the Humvee in which he was riding ran over an IED. He suffered burns over 60% of his body, his mother said. Carbonaro was on his second tour of duty in Iraq...

The couple wanted to raise children, travel and have "long Sunday dinners with their parents," his mother said...On Monday, Carbonaro's father warned neighbors that his son's condition had deteriorated, "Our pain is unbearable," he wrote. Two days later, he wrote again, "Our dearest son Alex passed away at 10:30 this morning." Carbonaro's father wrote that four people--he, Alex's mother, his wife and mother-in-law--were at this side. We held him in our arms until he exhaled his last breath."

Let us pray and hold in love this suffering family that comfort and healing may be theirs. Let us work for peace. Let us deepen our understanding of the Mystery of the God of death and life, creation and destruction.

Waiting and Waiting and....Home Walk(Run)!

2006-05-12T17:10:00.000-05:00

First I want to give a very Special Thanks to Ms. Bird RN and Discharge Planner. She had been working diligently since Thursday when Ms. Butz, "Thank you" contacted Ms Bird to follow up on why the vac had not arrived. Ms. Bird assured me that the company which supplies the vac would have the equipment here at about 3:30, Walter Reed being the first stop for afternoon delivery.

I arrived at the hospital about 9 AM Jason was still sleeping. The environmental worker again came in to check out "empty trash cans." I met him at the door of the room and I said, "You cannot come in. The trash is empty." I shut the door. Within 10 minutes, another worker and the LT were knocking on Jason's door. "Mam, you cannot forbid staff from coming into the patient's room." That was my last straw, "Let us step out into the hall and talk." I was very angry, I should have addressed this sooner except I assumed, very incorrectly, that Jason would be released Wednesday,or Thursday, and now Friday. "Last weekend I complained about the overflow of trash in Jason's room, since then staff has continually over 5 times a shift come into the room, made noise crashed cans etc. I believe it is in retaliation for my complaint." The Lt. said, "I thought you were not letting ANY staff into the room." "No,(with a shocked look on my face) that is totally not true." The LT looked at me, "I understand and I WILL address the situation." We were not bothered again by environmental staff the rest of the day.

Jason woke about 11 and I read the headlines from the Washington Post to him. Jodi called and I headed downstairs for lunch while they had their telephone talk. As I was leaving I spied the Pet Therapy dogs and their owners coming for a visit. "Jason, want a visit?" He hung up on Jodi and visited with the dog. Jason and the owner of the Corgi had a good discussion and he enjoyed the pets' visit. I was so glad he got to see them as I don't think he will be back in the hospital for a visit. After I chatted with Laurie the coordinator and we talked about their making visits at Mologne House Hotel. She has wanted to do this but did not know a contact. I called her back with numbers at MHH later in the day.

After lunch Dr. G and entourage visited to change the sponge. I explained what I had heard from Ms. Bird. Dr. G said, "If the vac does not arrive today, we will go with wet to dry dressings. Jason will be released today." He was emphatic about that. After he changed the sponge and checked the wound, Dr G gave this summation "he is healing well, wound is smaller,"I had to laugh. Dr. G, this is deja vu, I have heard this before. He looked downcast. 'I don't mean this surgery. I mean very early on when you would clean the buttock wounds." (Jason had butt vacs for months!) Dr. G smiled, "Yes, Jason heals so well." I asked about the stoma wound. Dr G replied, "We won't stitch the stoma wound as I am "taking no chances" for reinfection." Jason was released to Mologne at about 4:30 with a scheduled check with Dr. G on Monday. The vac company had sent 5 boxes of supplies with the vac; I loaded a wheel chair with a box of each: containers for the pumped fluids and one of sponges. Ms. Bird graciously said she would store the extra in her office and if I would notify her when they are not needed, she would return to the company. The vac makes a soft "perking coffee" sound every 10 seconds or so. The man who delivered it said it was normal and Jason said he was not bothered by it. We will see if he can sleep to it.

As it was warm and sunny outside, Jason said he would like to walk to Mologne. The trip was a very slow one but Jason said, "It is so good to be out of the hospital." I heard, "I never want to go back" in his voice. May this be so. Jason layed down on the bed, covered up with his Bear's blanket and rested. I headed back to the hospital to get his prescription of percocet as I wanted him to have pain control meds if he needed. Jason was complaining that it really hurt because Dr. G "really dug around in the wound" as he was putting in the new sponge. I am sure he was checking for infection.

As I crossed the lobby on the second floor, for the first time since I arrived 7 months ago, soldiers were being transferred from the "ambulance bus" to gurneys. My heart stopped, I began to weep. I put my back to the wall of the lobby for strength. As Roman Catholic womanpriest; I prayed for each soldier, each suffering circle of family and friends, and for the staff of Walter Reed now accepting these beloved sons into its heart. Sophia, Healing Spirit of God filled my body with the shivers of Her Presence as I stood on this Holy Ground. I prayed for healing and the end to the Insanity of War.

I thought later, "Where are the chaplains?" as each soldiers' caravan arrives. There should be great Pray-ers filling this lobby with healing Presence on the arrival of each wounded soldier. Doesn't have to be interactive, needs to be a consecration to healing, a lifting up of the suffering. A ministry striving to transform despair to hope.

We watched some of "Super Size Me" about the junk food lifestyle of Americans. I asked Jason what he would like for dinner and he said, "Chinese" He had eaten no lunch so I was glad he had an appetite for food. Jason had Wonton soup and LoMein and I had fried rice. After Jason was ready to rest and watch TV and I headed to Code Pink's reception and fund raiser.

CodePink
Codepink is an organization of women working for peace. They were in Baghdad before the war. They recently co-sponsored a month long tour of Iraqi women throughout the United States. (I attended Network evening and reported it on the blog). They will be presenting letters to Mrs. Bush requesting that she join in the work for peace as a mother. Codepink is sponsoring an all night vigil at Mrs. Bush's House starting at 3 PM today.

Waiting and Waiting and....Day Two

2006-05-11T19:39:00.000-05:00

Today was another day of waiting for the wound vac to arrive. Jason was understandably frustrated. I arrived about 9 and discussed the situation with the RN, Ms Joyce. She said she would discuss with one of the discharge RN's whom she trusted. Ms Bird came down later in the day and said she had gotten the paperwork flowing. The control group is in Texas, so the paperwork must flow from WR started by MD then social worker then Texas then back to DC and the local DME to deliver. The local folks told Ms Bird they were all set to deliver, needed paperwork. From her presentation, she understood that nothing was done yesterday so I am not sure what has been going on. Talking to Dr. Ritchie later in the day when it still had not arrived he assured me that he would check into the situation on Friday if it has not showed up. So Lord have mercy, let the vac arrive on Friday. I can't imagine it showing up on the weekend.

Jason and I had a slow day. As usual he tried to sleep till around 11, then asked for a deli sandwich and a pretzel. Jason drank quite a bit of the OJ, they are now putting a 16 oz on each meal tray. He didn't want to take any pain meds, said it wasn't hurting that badly. Although when Jason walked he did mention the hurt. I reminded him about keeping the pain meds at an even amount in his blood. Again the environmental services was in and out all day, probably about 5 times during the day shift.

After lunch Jason had an interview with a Fox radio personality named Ingraham. She did a professional and quickly focused interview. She will send Jason a pod cast of the show when it is done. I will let you all know if Fox lets us know. I am assuming the show will air soon. She gave Jason a tee shirt with a "But" crossed out and a monkey swinging from the circle. Called a "But monkey" "I support the troops BUT...." was the statement she used to explain the logo to Jason. (I tactfully kept my mouth shut.) The PR staff from WR who escorted her for the interview in Jason's room was very pleased with Jason's responses to her questions. So am I. Jason is very intelligent and articulate and it shows in his answers. Don the PR staff said, "I wanted to bring her to someone who could handle her questions well." And Jason is his answer. Jason waved "Goodbye" and said, "Anytime."

We spent the afternoon watching Law and Order episodes. Also watched the program where an Ex thief breaks into a business than they go through what needs to be done to increase security. The thief comes back tries to break in again and couldn't. What was really cute about this show is that the thief stole the guard dog! He looked like a brindle pit bull but was really friendly! The thief also stole the owner's truck. One of the anti-theft devices was a machine high on the wall that filled the garage with "smoke/fog" so no one could see where he was going.

I went down and got Jason a soup-chicken rice and hamburger for dinner from the mess hall. We finished it off with Twix ice cream bar which Jason has come to really like. We watched the Simpsons together about the first kiss for Homer and his wife at camp. Then the rain which had been forecasted arrived with a vengeance. Jason said, "Take the van to Mologne mom." The man has really good ideas as I was dreading getting drenched during the 10 minute walk.

Soldiers:
Stopped by to see Eric and his dad. Eric is having a home built by a group I have written about. Homesforourtroops.org. Please check the website and see if you would like to donate to the building of Sgt Eric's home in NC. There is a checklist of items needed from foundation to roof. The architect added a room as Eric's dad will stay often to help with Eric's care.

While getting Jason's ice cream I met another dad named Art. His son has been at WR for 4 months and had been in ICU for 3 weeks on arrival. His mother in law collapsed when she heard the news. He said it is so difficult to be here. His younger son (18) will not leave his brother's side.

What do we learn from 2 days of waiting? Time is relative and stretches, it shrinks. May you use time well to experience deeply all of life, count your blessings, enjoy the moments of peace. Reach out to others in support. Please continue to pray for Jason's healing and that the wound stays infection free. Pray for healing for Jason and all the members of our family.

Waiting and Waiting and....

2006-05-10T20:35:00.000-05:00

Jason spent the day waiting for his "portable" wound vacuum. When I left at 5:30 he was still waiting and the Doc who was visiting was saying, "All we need is the vac to be delivered." When I arrived back at the room at 9:30 Jason was not there so he decided to stay in the hospital even if he did get the vac late today. Jason was more awake today, still sleeping in at 11 AM. Jason says so many staff are in and out of his room, "I cannot sleep."

After receiving the news about Gilda and her son, I was "out of sorts" for the rest of the day. I attended my counseling session with Diann Neu of WATER and we spent a very long time in prayer for Gilda and crying together for the human suffering caused by war. We begged God to teach us the way to evolve beyond war as the answer. We asked for healing and reconciliation and understanding for ourselves and especially for Gilda.

When I returned to Jason's room he was being visited by another soldier from Ft. Stewart, a double leg amputee named Tan. He is being accompanied by his brother Darryl. Tan is one of the most outgoing young men I have ever met. He is from Philadelphia and said, "When I first arrived, I knew nothing. Now I like to share the info with other soldiers to make their stay easier." Tan visited with us for about an hour, sharing his experiences:

staying at the Hilton: Don't--no toilet paper, towels, refrigerators, paid parking.
Homesforsoldiers (I've written about this group). Tan will have a home built for him "need one for a wheelchair." They think he will have a home in about a year.
He loved WR hospital food! Especially salmon and chicken Caesar salad
Tan loves to be able to drive; didn't like the 2 day course the Army offers to be certified. Tan's car has been modified by the VA to have all controls on the steering wheel shaft. Tan said the first time he drove, he caught his prosthetic foot on the gas (remember no feelings) and didn't know what he was doing. He said, "I think I will take my leg off so that doesn't happen again."
Tan told us about his brother Darryl who has been so good with him and all the other patients at Mologne. Darryl is "borrowing my car all the time to take a soldier somewhere."
Tan asked "Where are the cute nurses like the movies?" Jason and he exchanged stories and comments.

Tan is always so upbeat he is great to have as a visitor. This time he was also filled with good info for Jason as he looks to completing his own stay at WR this summer.

As usual I attended liturgy at Quixote Center. Today we had wonderfully fresh corn and a vegetarian quiche. We prayed again for Gilda and her son. May you too have time for quiet, mediation, reflection, prayer. Our lives are so busy we need time to reflect on its meaning and our experiences of the joys and sorrows. Please continue to pray for Jason's healing of mind body and spirit.

Sad News From a Friend

2006-05-10T07:14:00.000-05:00

Just got some very sad news. One of the new friends we met here in DC and who had visited Jason very early in his recovery got news that her son has been very seriously injured in Iraq. He is now in Germany and she is with him. Please pray for Gilda and her family, her son and all who are injured in war.

Dr. G: "He's Vacing Good."

2006-05-09T12:29:00.000-05:00

As Jason has been sleeping in till 11 or so, I stayed in the room and packed up a large box of colostomy supplies now that Jason no longer needs them. I called the Quixote Center and asked if they sent such items to Nicaragua and Dolly P said, "Bring the supplies over." I know we can find a local free clinic if they don't go to Central America. Walter Reed understandably doesn't take such items back. Yet I know the value of colostomy supplies is high.

I called Jason at 10 and got no answer. I went over at 10:30 and he was trying to sleep. He said the environmental services were in again at least twice this morning and they emptied the baskets again while I was visiting. I would think once a shift would be a better use of WR Human Resources.

Dr. G was in this morning and placed Jason's wound vac so he didn't feel like going to PT as he had talked about yesterday. This is a full size vacuum I carried it as Jason did two circuits around the floor. I don't see how he could do much walking with it in. So Dr. G is looking for a "portable vacuum" so Jason can be released from the hospital. I don't know what they look like but I assume we will soon find out. Jason said that the vac would have to be checked every three days. We will see how this works, knowing it should take about three weeks for the wound to close. I am very glad Jason permitted the vac as I don't think I have the emotional fortitude for changing the wet-to-dry dressings in my son's operation incision and stoma wounds. Dr. G stopped by later in the day with his students in tow. He did say, coming out of Jason's door, "He's vacing good. Nothing else to say." Smiled and they were on their way. I said, "Till the next crisis?" Dr. G looked at me, "There will be NO "next" crisis."

Jason asked that I get him a Subway meal: 6 inch turkey, chips and drink. I sat and ate one of his yogurts while Jason talked to Jodi. However, he did not eat the lunch but said, "I'm tired." So no breakfast, no lunch. While Jason was in the rest room, the RN said she was worried because she didn't want to give him pills on an empty stomach and she knew he was not eating. I don't know if it is the pain meds, not able to sleep too well, his recovery from the surgery, or "wanting to be out" or a combination of the above but he's not eating well. Hopefully, Jason will eat the food sometime this afternoon. I am to check in at 3 PM to see how he is doing.

I returned to the MHH room and took a nap myself and returned to find that Jason had a much brighter mood. He wanted to take a walk and really walked! I carried the vac and walked on his left side. The second time around as we were returning to the ward, Dr. Ritchie who is actually taller than Jason caught up with us. I forgot to tell you I thought the vac was about 10 pounds and by now my hand is really tired. "Doc, help out, carry the vac for Jason. How much do you think that thing weighs?" "I would guess about 20 pounds." I thought good grief no wonder my hand and arm were getting tired. The other med student said, "They are heavy because we don't want people to walk out with them." I know early on in Jason's recovery Dr. G told us that each one costs about $20K, if I remember correctly.

Confusion:
When I returned to the room I realized I did not have my room card to open the door. I went down to the lobby and asked for a key. Back up and the key didn't work, down for another key. I take my stuff and I can't believe I did this, left the key in the room. So down I go again to get another key! A real comedy of forgetfulness. At the same time I realize I need a new parking pass as mine has expired. I get the pass, walk outside and can't find the car! I remember using it when it was raining. If I use the car during the day when WR is very busy M-F, I search and park it where I can. I think hard and "it hits me" down in the parking lot under WR. I head down and sure enough because it is "after hours" I see the car easily over by the wall.

The sun is shining and the weather warming. It was good to hear the birds singing as I walked across the post to the hospital. When I drove back from getting dinner I see irises and peonies in full bloom in the neighboring yards. So good to see the beautiful blooms. May each of you enjoy and drink deeply of the beauty of spring where ever you live. Take the time now to enjoy the gifts of creation around us. I think I will spend some time with the poet Mary Oliver this evening as she reflects on and captures natural wonders in words equal to the great artists who paint with oil.

"A Rainy Day on Georgia"

2006-05-08T11:10:00.000-05:00

A special "Happy Birthday"to Ellie, our 3rd grandchild, who turns 5 today. Many Blessings today and always Ellie, Lisa and Charlie Ryan's youngest.

I attended the mandatory meeting for families this morning, said "Goodbye" to Sgt D who is going back to Reserves. He has tried to be helpful with all the paperwork necessary to be reimbursed during my stay with Jason. As of today, I am owed March and April expenses. Hopefully, the correct paperwork will be submitted this afternoon as I am hand carrying a copy to the Finance office for I think my fourth trip there over the last 10 days. I think the rainy day has me feeling down as I continue my struggles with the great bureacracies. I took the "corrected copy" to Finance, "Incorrect," was Sgt. D's reply. I cried as I returned once more to Casuality Affairs, Jason is lying in WR with his belly wide open trying to heal, and here I am caught in the trap of "changing procedures? no training in changes? miscommunications?" bureacracy. The suffering and cost of war? Add my experience as a mother living as peacemaker amongst the living wounds of destruction. "...one soldier thrust his lance into his side, and immediately blood and water flowed out." John 19:34

I called Jason's room and he asked for a "Burger King whopper without tomatoes." I thought interesting breakfast/lunch, stopped on the way as it is located in Bldg 1, original hospital and took the food to Jason. I asked Jason who had been in "The usual calvacade," No details so I am not sure who Jason saw today. Wound was checked and dressing changed. Jason did not take a walk this morning.

As I arrived so did Mr. Danny Soto National Service Officer for the Disabled American Veterans. Mr. Soto will work with Jason throughout the Med Board process this summer/fall. Mr. Soto had a flow chart for the process "The Disability Evaluation System" that listed the flow of the steps in a clear and understanding fashion. First the medical members of Jason's team must come to a consensus on his mental, emotional, and physical status. A medical summary is prepared including Jason's "ultimate prognosis." There are three steps to the process and between each step usually a month is needed to process paperwork and to have the members involved, it looks like 3 members are involved for each step to come to a consensus/recommendation.

Mr. Soto said "About 40% of applications are completed within 3 months" Jason told him of his concern that he would not be permitted to go for his con leave once this process has started. Mr. Soto said, "No," he would speak to Mr. Thorton of Med Hold and be sure that Jason was able to take his 30 day con leave. I asked Mr Soto to please check on the listing of wound sites as Jason's paperwork only listed 9/20 that Ms. Isabel had listed in her session with Jason and I in January. He said he would be glad to follow up. Jason signed a consent form so that Mr. Soto could act on his behalf. Mr. Soto also told Jason that educational benefits exist for his spouse and children should he marry. Mr. Soto said that he was available at the MHH on M, W, and Friday. The Army is also providing him with an office, soon to be come a reality. Mr. Soto said that the VA will continue to work with Jason after he starts college to be sure that he has all equipment to be successful, whatever the need.

Later on I talked with MR Soto who said he had contacted Mr.Thornton (Med Hold): leave is okay. Mr. Thornton needs to meet with Jason when he is out of WR for 1/2hour paper processing. Mr. Soto also said that the listing on that form was not connected to Med Board but was for VA educational benefits.

After Mr. Soto left Jason said, "Mom I am really tired, I didn't sleep well. The burger is effecting my stomach." I thought, "Probably pretty heavy as he hasn't been eating very much." I gave Jason a tums and said I would call back about 2 PM to see how he was doing. I called back at two but Jason didn't answer so I thought I would try back later. I needed some quiet time and spent it in prayer and reflection.

I headed to Jason's room at about four. Jason said it was one rough day, as he would fall asleep and the cleaning person would come and wake him. He said he had to have happened at least 5 times. I thought they are being over zealous for not taking out the trash until I complained to the RN supervisor at one point on the weekend. A RN actually took it out that night.

Jason and I took a walk, he had already gotten up and shaved. Jason sat as he the Chinese carry in. He had wonton soup, a spring role and plain rice. Jason thought this food might do better than the burger this morning. We watched the Simpsons and I left him talking to Jodi. Jason said he was going to try to go to PT on Tuesday as the Doc said he could do "passive stretches." OT did not come by to help with his wrist supination today. I am not sure what is going on with OT. Tomorrow Dr. G is going to decide on whether Jason will use the wound vac.

Let us give thanks that Jason continues to heal. Let us pray for his comfort, his pain control and his ability to eat and do physical therapy-walking at this time. Let us pray that his left wrist continues to heal so that he can increase his supination and that OT/PT will aide in this process. Let us pray that Jason continues to heal in mind, body and spirit. I imagine these days being so long for Jason when he declares "I want to get out of here."

Jason's Digestive System: "A Okay"

2006-05-07T15:50:00.000-05:00

I got up and prepared to attend Mass this morning. I decided I would go to the store and get some tea and prunes to help Jason's digestive system. I stopped at the room and Jason was sleeping. I attended liturgy and returned to Jason's room. Dr. Golarz stopped by to check and change the dressing. Dr. G, Jason and I discussed his medical situation. Dr. G will adjust pain meds to see if that will enable Jason to walk more as Jason said, "It is painful to get up and walk." Dr. G ordered a large comfortable chair so that Jason could sit and eat or "sit and read a book" as Dr G told us,"It is best for Jason to walk, second best to sit up in a chair, least helpful for healing is lying in bed."

Dr. G gave us a mini lecture on the fascia as I wanted to know, "Why do you all speak constantly about the fascia?" Dr. G said, "Muscles in the stomach area are not as important as the fascia. The fascia does the work of keeping the organs in the stomach cavity. The fascia must be intact and strong." Dr. G said after the infection he was worried about the strength of Jason's fascia. But it is now looking better every time he checks the wound. The open wound will heal in about 3 weeks from the inside out if no further complications occur. Dr. G said to me, "You are your patient's advocate." I said, "But I am also Jason's mom." I know that Jason respects words concerning his medical condition from Dr. G ever more than from me-mom and non-medical. And that is correct as it should be.

We discussed Jason's appetite being depressed and Dr. G said "Yes, that is one of the side effects of the pain meds." He encouraged Jason to drink the protein supplements available via the hospital menu. After Dr. G left, Jason and I walked twice around the halls and then he asked that I go to KFC and get some chicken strips and ranch dressing. So off I went to get some food for the son, I am glad I got him a meal which included two sides-macaroni and mashed potatoes. Jason tasted the chicken and said, "This just doesn't taste good." He ate the sides though which made me feel better as I have been really worried about his appetite knowing he needs calories and nutrients to heal after major surgery.

I headed to Mologne for my date with a massage (see below) then began to watch the movie The Family Stone. Jason called, "What's up?" "My digestive system is working just fine WITHOUT prunes or prune juice." "What do we do to celebrate?" "Bring me one of the ice cream Twiks and we'll watch the new Simpsons!" was Jason's reply. So off I go, giving thanks for each of you who have journeyed with us and sent Jason good thoughts and held images of a happy, healed Jason and, of course most of all for me, all of your prayers of support.

Soldiers and Blessings:

I met Anita as we were doing laundry together, 3rd floor of Mologne. She was reading a National Geographic type book on the beginnings of the earth and taking notes as she sat on the floor waiting for her laundry to finish. I had seen her before and asked "Are you a teacher? or do you have an interest?" She said, "I am trying to understand both Science and the Bible story of Creation." I thought "Oh" here is someone I would like to talk with. So we exchanged rooms and numbers and I will try to meet with her soon. I have a wonderful prayer book called "Prayers to the God of Evolution" by Bill Cleary a married Roman Catholic priest.

CAUSE: Comfort for America's Uniformed Services; www.cause-usa.org offers a support program before every holiday. I have not been able to make the ones before Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentines but today I was determined as my time is growing to a close at WR to attend one of the functions. Today The Tranquility Day Spa offered Manicures, massages, and paraffin hand wraps. Easel Hair Studio offered hair cuts. All of the pampering is free of charge to soldiers and family members. I never saw so many folks in the lobby and on the 2nd floor balcony space. I was happy that so many of the soldiers were taking advantage of the services offered including the paraffin hand wrap. All of the those offering service were bright and smiling "honored to be able to support our soldiers and families." One of the women said, "We need to get more salons involved so you all can have the services more frequently." I really thanked each of them that I could especially Nicole who gave me a wonderful massage. Blessings on their goodness, again the generosity of the American people touches my heart deeply.

I walked in to Jason's room this week and found a pink carnation on his tray with this note:
"Virginia L. is a Navy wife and mother who will soon be 99 years of age. Her family celebrates he life today with a flower and good wishes for your health and happiness." I put it in a bottle and it is still fresh after a week. Isn't that a wonderful way to celebrate? The fresh flower brings me joy when I see it each day. Ann Landers would often write these kind of "thank you" so: maybe one of the readers of this blog will know Virginia and can extend my thanks to a very thoughtful family. Blessings,

Let us give thanks for Jason's continual healing. Thanks for your friendship. As I returned to Mologne this evening a gentle rain was falling. Thanks that the earth is receiving much needed water for the growing season to come. May you all rest well tonight, and may all your dreams be filled with good things for you.

Dan and the Sisolaks Visit Jason

2006-05-06T17:07:00.000-05:00

I slept in till 8 AM(first time in a long time) and stayed in the room as I had told Jason "I was taking the morning off." I thought I would check in about 11 to see if there was any progress in his digestive system function. While I was there Dr. G showed up to check and change the packing in Jason's incision. I stepped out but saw the incision, made me woozy to see Jason's flesh open and layed aside. The wound was freshly packed. I didn't have time to ask Dr. G, "How does such a wound close?" But I will ask the next time I see him. Another doc came late afternoon to check and change the dressing, saying "It is looking good." So all I can say, "it is looking good."

While Jason and Dr. Golarz were having a "Why Football is the Best Sport" (punish behavior and it is a real team sport/not a one man show) discussion, each declaring football IS the sport. I asked Dr. G if the glasses that Jason had given him "Held water?" and he looked quizzically, smiled and replied, "Held more than water" and with that comment he stepped out. Dan arrived for his visit. I needed to leave as I had promised Joe, newly returned from Lourdes that I would take him to Forest Glen, I thought for shoes. I left Jason in Dan's able hands and they began to discuss what their friends from Chicago were doing.

I headed out to Mologne and Joe was impressed that Nancy and Ken had given Jason a car for his use while he is at WR. I said, "Jason has been blessed by the generosity of God as given from the goodness of so many people." Joe said that he now had to go to Forest Glen with its large PX because he needed to purchase wine for dinner. Some of the folks that he met on the Lourdes trip were having dinner. I thought it was wonderful that Joe could go.

I had never driven to the PX so I thought we are off for an adventure. Joe and I had a written Mapquest but not a map. Joe said, "I get lost a 100 times before I learn the way." I thought, "O'boy we are in trouble." But the angels were with us and we only made one wrong turn which I caught quickly; quick u-turn put us back on track. The PX line was really long (probably 50 folks in the feeder line) and I thought, "Joe, we will never make it for your 2:30 pick up" but Joe said, "There is a quick line for under 20 items" and thank goodness it worked. We also purchased gas that was 20 cents cheaper than the street at $2.98 a gallon. I thought, "We need to pay our soldiers more." We headed back to WR and I pulled in at the closed gate on 16th street. Just as I did, a Mustang pulled over and that was Joe's ride. Great timing!

After dropping Joe off I called Jason to see what was happening back at the hospital and to see if he wanted food. "No Dan is out for lunch right now." I thought I would get my lunch from Whole Foods and eat with them. So after I got my lunch, I headed to the room to find Dan outside talking on the cell with his brother in Italy who is in Army Counter Intelligence and Jason talking with the Sisolaks, Bill and Vira. Bill and Vira visited about an hour showing a beautiful gift from their first granddaughter, their son says, "My job is to change diapers and to print pictures." Sophie (spelling?) is fabulous. We had a discussion about moving the FBI and the CIA out from Homeland Security (Jason's idea) and good movies to see.

After Bill and Vira left I returned to Mologne to work on the blog and to walk my 2.5 miles. The sun was warm and the Flicker was back. I love him, such a beautiful bird. My blessing include seeing him on the ground "after ants" my sister Connie assures me. A pair of mocking birds has their nest on the corner of the walk and Dahlia as I head to the hospital. They are not afraid as they are right by the walk way. I love to see them perch with caterpillars or berries in their mouths before the dive for the holly bush and their nest. They sit on the chain and look at me saying "You don't know where I am going." I am so happy to see them taking care of their babies and think of how we each took care of "our babies" and now are again, "taking care of our sons and daughters" with as much love and fidelity and passion as our mockingbird friends. I feel connected to them and wish I could hold them in my hand, loving them as I know the God of Creation loves them and each of us.

After a while I call Jason and he said that Dan had just left. I could come over and "hang out" if I wanted to. I said I would and as soon as I got there Jason said, "What I really want is one of those Twist bars you got me yesterday." I head down to the snack area on the 3rd floor and get a Twist bar for Jason and try a Snickers ice cream cone for me. We share our snacks and watch CSI:NY, the first time for Jason and me. A really good detective story. Although CSI:Las Vegas will always be my favorite. At nine I say "goodnight" to Jason and head for Mologne.

Soldiers:
I met Joe downstairs for breakfast this morning and asked him all about his trip to Lourdes France and the healing waters of a shrine to Blessed Mary that is located there. He enjoyed every minute of it. A Roman Catholic group from Medival times called the Knights of Malta pay for the trip of injured soldiers from the US to go to the shrine and also for their spouse. They provide care, MD's etc. Joe said that each person has a team of 7. Joe's wife Patrica is a professional photographer and made a DVD of the trip from still photos. They were absolutely gorgeous. She used black and white photos and colored photos all set to music. Joe had told me his wife was a professional and my only comment, "WOW" Joe and she felt very blessed to have been able to make the trip. I am happy to report that Joe is seriously thinking about becoming a deacon. He said, "I have to live my faith, I will not be a Sunday Catholic." He said that his aunt (I believe) had told his family that "Joe will not go to Iraq" and we know he will not because of his reaction to the vaccine. Now he says, "You tell me "become a deacon" and I know he will be a strong active voice for the Catholic Christian faith. I am so proud to be Joe's sister in faith. HIs gentle, loving spirit fills my spirit with joy. May Joe live long and prosper enjoying his children to the fourth generation.

I met Chaplain Fran with her Aunt outside and walking. Her Aunt Nita said, "Fran was eating this morning." (appetite is always punky with chemo) Fran looked good and I was so glad she has family staying with her. How good the love of family members for each other, how tender the care. I offered her a strawberry but she declined.

I met Judy; her son has one leg amputated and must wait about a year to see if his other leg will heal or be amputated at that time. He gets down about not being able to walk and is he making th right decision to see if his leg will heal. As grandparents we had a good discussion about "gettingthe grandkids out in the fresh air" and away from the electronics. Both of us have decided that TV is not the way to go and as we fought our battles this generation of parents will have to fight too. She says her 12 year old granddaughter is addicted to TV but she can still get her 2 year old grandson out of the house.

Blessings everyone, enjoy the beauty of God's creation every chance you can. Hug your loved ones without reservation! Enjoy your Sunday.

Jason Feeling Better

2006-05-05T11:08:00.000-05:00

I spent the morning in the MHH room as Jason has been sleeping to 11:00 AM. Spent a long time in conversation with a Gold Star mother (see below). When I arrived at Jason's room he was in a better mood. Jason said, "After having the pus removed and the wound cleaned out, I feel so much better, the pain is much relieved." Thank God and Jason's body wanting to heal and with the help of good doctors. I left Jason talking animately with Jodi. Dr. Golarz et al will stop by later today to insert the "wound vac." Dr. G decided not to insert the vac on his later visit, he changed the dressing and said he would visit tomorrow.

When I got back to the room Jason had received a message from the Medical Board and Rep Thornton who wants to see him ASAP to start the Medical Board process. He gave a list of items that Jason must submit and said he would have a complete list during their personal interview. I called the Disabled American Veterans representative and left a message saying the Medical Board has contacted Jason and would he please be in contact. I also left a message for the VA as when the representative created the list of Jason's wounds, in the final copy we received; 1/2 of the list is missing. I met Dr. Garvey, opthamologist, and mentioned that Jason had not had a follow-up to his eye surgery. Dr. Garvey said he would talk to Dr. Donnelly and see if one can be scheduled.

I stopped at the Deli and got Jason his turkey on wheat but the pretzels were all gone. I got a tuna wrap and the thing was about a pound of tuna, I couldn't eat it all. Next time I have to tell her "lighten up"on the tuna. Jason enjoyed the sandwich, said, "ate too much" I think I will take a nap. About 3, the crew from the documentary Terry, Jennifer, Eric and Bruce stopped by with a Jamba Juice for me and one for Jason. They had a good visit and want to tape Jason if he is still here on the next shoot in August. Terry also said, "Jason, please visit me in CA, I will be doing the editing for the movie and I think you would enjoy watching." Jason was very pleased to have been asked. We wished them well and they assured us that if it wins an Oscar we would be invited.

After their visit, I asked Jason to come on a walk as he has not been walking, given the sliced open belly with nothing holding it except a patch, I can definitely understand why Jason is not too keen on walking. We headed out and passing a door, I recognized the back of a head: Dr. Wickman. "Doc, Jason is walking." "I just thought about stopping by to see you." So we headed out for the circuit of the 6th floor. We did two circuits of the floor together Dr. W commenting on:

Jason's still limping.
Jason's right ankle bows out
Jason's right hip is not even
He mentioned a test to see the amount of possible nerve damage because of the buttock being wounded.

I was really happy that Dr. W had the opportunity to actually watch Jason walk and to evaluate what work must still be done in PT to help Jason regain strength. I felt good and hope that the Doc will set a program that Jason may continue to improve. I know this open belly healing will set Jason back for PT as all the major stomach muscles have been cut.

When we got back to the room it was stifling hot. A tech came in to take Jason's vitals, I said, "It is so warm in here, anyway to cool it down?" She said, "I will get you a fan" It is shaped like a popsicle but does move the air. She also said, "I will open the window." "You can open a window?" She went to the window and, what I thought was wall underneath, turned two handles and "voila" the wall opened; it was a window! Jason's room immediately became comfortable and I hope that Jason gets a good night's sleep.

Jason's vitals were temperature of 96.1 and blood pressure of 106/51. Sounded really good to me. Jason is taking oxycodone twice a day and motrin 3 times a day. Still no BM so Jason was thinking of asking the Doc for colaze. I had recommended Tums as they act as a laxative for me and Jason took one. I know also that Jason really needs to drink fluids, I think he is doing okay in that department. The pain medications constipate and depress appetite so it is a battle for balance. With his belly surgery wide open I am sure he needs the pain meds. Jason refuses to drink the prune juice I purchased. There is only so much a mom can do.

So prayers everyone thank you for holding Jason in good thoughts and prayers.

Soldiers:
I met Anthony in the lobby. He has been put on the Kidney transplant list, 4 year wait. His wife and two children are in Germany. Anthony has been in the Army for 14 years, working in Personnel. He is worried about what will happen to himself and to his family if he is discharged from the Army. Anthony wants to bring his family to the US but has no way to do so. They cannot stay in Mologne House. If you know of any one in the DC who might help find a place/have a place for his family please let me know.

Karen called me after she learned I was here with Jason. Her son was with Jason at Ft. Knox. Ken was proud to be a soldier. He was killed in Baghdad two years ago. His website is Ltkenballard.com. You can see a photo of Jason with two other Captains who visited Ken's grave in March. She also has a blog: Google GSMSO if you want to read her own thoughts and feelings. Jason was not killed, but looking at the pictures of Karen's handsome son made me cry for all who have died, all who are injured and the grief suffering of their families.

Jason Has an Infection at Surgery Site: Needs Support

2006-05-04T14:03:00.000-05:00

I arrived at Jason's room around nine o'clock and Jason was still sleeping. He was still sleeping about 10:30 when I told the RN that he had not been awake and had not walked today. The nurse woke Jason and they prepared to go for a walk. I returned to Mologne to have a phone visit with my Jungian therapist in Chicago.

When I returned about 1 PM to the hospital Jason was on the phone with Jodi. All of sudden Jason feeling the moisture lifts up his gown, "What is this? Mom get a nurse." I look at the "brown liquid flowing from ?," grab a sheet for Jason to use as towel and run out the door. I yell, "Nurse" (sorta goofy) as Jason is right next to the nurses station and who is sitting there but "Dr. Golarz working on the computer." I stand outside the door of the room and begin to cry.

"Dr G come quick" Dr. Golarz comes in looks at the seepage and says, "He's infected. He will be okay. I am going to remove a staple. Jason do you want morphine?" Jason says, "Yes." At this point Dr. G goes out to the RN and asks for a shot of morphine for Jason. The RN goes in comes back out and says, "He doesn't have an IV" that is an opening. Dr. G says "He needs one." The RN asks me, ''What happened to the IV?" I am thinking "what a question to ask a family member? Shouldn't you know?" "The medicals took it out on Monday," is my reply. So I leave the RN and Dr. Golarz to do their thing after asking Dr. G about my earlier phone call which he had not heard from his response. He did say, "This is going to slow things down."

When I return I find out from Jason,"The Docs are thinking I may have to go to OR and have the wound really cleaned out. It didn't hurt when they took the staples out but it did hurt when they probed around to clean out the pus. The Docs also said I may have to have surgery because the fascia doesn't look good (I think a potential hernia?)." When Doc G comes back later he says, "We don't have to go to OR, we think the fascia is okay. We are going to put a vacuum in the wound." Jason is not to have antibiotics because as Dr. Wichman said on his visit, "If you kill off the neighbors that are living there, then the nasties move in." Which means, don't kill off your own bacteria because Nature will permit bacteria to live there (dark, moist, perfect environment) and this wound is filled with bacteria from the "fecal matter that flowed through the site for six months."

Dr. Golarz was feeling bad about the infection (nothing he could do to prevent). Jason had given Dr. G a set of 4 Goose Island (famous Chicago beer and eatery) beer glasses yesterday as a "Thank you" knowing that Dr. G was leaving soon. Dr. G asked Jason, "Do I have to give back the glasses?" Jason always quick replies, "You're one glass down, Doc. Three to go!"

Now for those who have been reading Jason's journey from the beginning you know what a vacuum is. To those who are new to the blog a vacuum is just that: a sponge is placed into the wound site and covered with a bandage. A pump continually draws out the blood/pus/fluid from the wound and it drains into a container which is changed about every 3 days. The wound heals from the "inside out" in this instance I assume helps the infection to clear up faster. I do not know how long he will have to wear it, but the "butt vacs" were definitely a while.

Dr. Wichman also gave Jason and I a 5 minute lecture on skin and fascia, so here goes (medicals correct me please): we have skin, fascia then fat, fascia then muscle, then a thick membrane a periton____(?) covering the intestinal cavity itself. The infection Jason has is between his outer skin and the underlying fascia, as stated before this infection is "very, very common after such surgery."

Jason was down after the news about the infection and my heart is saddened by his suffering such disappointment. After going through such long rehabilitation, surgeries, and looking forward to being away for 30 days with Jodi, now hopes are dashed in the short run. Both Dr Golarz and Wickman said, "a set back, they do happen, but Jason will heal!" I think they are both the greatest doctors for Jason. Also Dr. W said "Golarz is great and Golarz is human! I can't believe he is a surgeon." I got PMand R docs are not on the level of surgeons according to some surgeons, every discipline having a pecking order? Or are surgeons in their own little orbit?

Soldiers today:
I met with Captain Chaplain Fran. A wonderful beautiful Christian woman. She told the story of her cancer and her hope 75 to 95% cure. She is filled with trust that God is with her and will cure her. She will be receiving her third chemo (the last) in about two weeks. I walked with her to the laundry to move her clothes to the dryer. When we returned, we prayed for her complete healing invoking the Blessed Trinity, St. Mary and the Angels. Joining hands we prayed The Lord's Prayer. I felt humbled and deeply honored to be a chaplain for a such a sister in faith. Her Aunt will be arriving tomorrow to spend a week. I will try to see them on the weekend.

I met a set of parents coming down on the elevator. Their son developed kidney problems in Iraq. Medvac to Germany and on to WR where surgeons discovered his veins/artery to the kidney were criss-crossed, probably a birth defect, raising his blood pressure to like 224/180. They went in and "Padded the vessels apart with fat." (yea for fat!") and he will be returned to Iraq to be with his National Guard unit till September. He is going on Con leave for 30 days, come back get a check up and be on his way. Mom wants him to stay home "but our son wants to go back to be with his unit." Dad is retired military and said, "All my friends say, "I'd go back too.""

I met Eric's dad walking across the Post to Mologne. We shared for quite a while. Today it was a focus on Eric's improvement as they were told "he is a vegetable." Eric surprised his RN last night by saying "Hi" Dad said, "she jumped." Eric can do math and read. Now Eric is Gracie's "the princess's" dad and will always have a special place in my heart and prayers. She brought such joy when we were all on Ward 65 together. A group called "Homesforoursoldiers.org" will build them a home in NC. It sounds like it works like Habitat for Humanity. I will let you know when they put Eric's home on their webpage. May take up to a year. My understanding is they ask for donations for specific items for the home. So loving and concrete, enfleshing the reign of God, God bless them. Such wonderful support for our soldiers. Eric's dad said, "It is so hard to return to WR because of all the suffering by patients and families." He said, "If Eric must come back, I may stay home." My heart was touched by his suffering for his only son and the experiences of others.

I was asked out to dinner by Terry Saunders and Jennifer, and the film crew Eric and Bruce working on a documentary on military health care. I recommended Gilfords, "since 1945" the best seafood in Washington. I spent the evening answering questions about health care and Jason's story. I told them as a hospice chaplain I know, "Grief work includes telling the story. You are new ears and hearts to hear Jason's story. It is difficult for me to share with others at Mologne because they all carry the grief of their own story." That is why I go to counseling once a week. I attempt to make meaning of my experience with a professional and the hour is a safe place to vent. She is also a spiritual director.

Let us pray for Jason's healing and for his hopes and spirit. Let us pray for good Doctors, especially Jason's who do what they can and give so much of themselves for their patients. Let us give thanks for life and our circles of support. Let us give thanks for those who document the stories. Let us pray for all soldiers throughout the world and that peace will bring them home safely. Let us pray for all those who have injured soldiers in their families. Blessings on each of you.

Mother Worried: Discernment Needed

2006-05-03T20:45:00.000-05:00

If you have read the posts the last couple of days, you know that the surgery went well and Jason continues to heal. However, he has had pain and literally unable to walk and talk at the same time. When we met with Doc Golarz after surgery he was saying "6 to 8 weeks" for recovery and that he needed Jason on Post so he could oversee his recovery after surgery.

Jason had wanted to go on leave in May and the second time Dow and Jason talked with Dr. G he said,"All goes well, I will let you go on June 1" so now we are moving Jason's okay date up.... I am thinking "Is Jason pressuring Doc G for his leave so he can be with Jodi while she is on spring/summer break?"

TODAY, Doc G comes in and says, "Well, I think you will be ready to go on leave in two weeks."
From 6 weeks, to 4 weeks to two weeks. I am very anxious. I would not want a hernia for Jason or other complication while he is on leave. I want Jason to be healed when he goes on convalescence leave so he can relax and enjoy life with Jodi. I can't figure out why the healing time is being cut. I will call Dr. Golarz tomorrow.

Please hold Jason's complete healing and the Doc's good discernment for Jason's health in your good thoughts and prayers.

Give Jason a Call: See if He's up to a Visit

2006-05-02T20:24:00.000-05:00

Dow was up early and headed over to be with Jason as he is returning to Chicago today. I spent the morning doing chores including attempting to be reimbursed for the expenses. The USA reimburses the non-medical attendant $61 a day for expenses. However, they recently changed the process and I, not too swift in paperwork department, haven't yet been reimbursed for March or April. I thought I had the correct form today, but Finance said, "Casualty Office didn't fill out correctly." Sigh, I always figure walking around the post is a good exercise program. The weather was wonderful spring, so I didn't mind except, "Have to come back tomorrow, we close at noon."

Jason's pain medicines were changed today, Dr. Go apologized for Jason's pain. Jason is on oxycodone (every 4 hours) and ibuprofen (3x's a day). Jason said, "Pain is about 3" when asked by the RN. The meds get Jason to say, "I'm not tracking too well." He said he felt pretty good overall. Jason enjoyed the visit with his dad and Dow will try to come back on Memorial Day weekend. Jason did not do a floor circuit with me, but had done a couple earlier in the day with his dad. He moves very slow and does not talk while he walks, "Too uncomfortable."

I was present when Dr. G changed the dressing and checked the "zipper" incision on Jason's lower belly. It is somewhat red and swollen so Dr. G poked and prodded and said, "If it is like this tomorrow I will take out a couple of staples and see if there is pus underneath." Yech is my response. Jason has a row (zipper) of really close together staples, reminded me of Gade's skull surgery. Jason was not warm like he was yesterday so...we will hope and pray for the best, no infections.

I watched as Dr. G changed the dressing on Jason's stoma. Jason really winced when Dr. G pulled out the wet dressing and replaced it. The stoma opening is about the size of a 1/2 dollar, larger then I had imagined it would be. Dr. G said, "It is looking really good. If this continues I think I will close it with a couple of stitches." Good news for Jason(and for me). Each day is change the dressings twice and check on the healing of the tissue. Jason will be released to Mologne when he is comfortable walking; this surgery aftermath is painful and has taken its toll on Jason. With the length of the belly incision I can see why the Doc says, "Be aware of hernia possibility."

After I headed to Silver Spring to bring back some cooked chicken, cajun spicedd for Jason and a salad for me. When I came back Jason was watching the Simpsons. We tried to watch "Corpse Bride" but it was stuck and Jason' was zoning out from the meds. We watched the Daily Show and the Colbert report and it was time for Jodi's call and I left to go to Mologne.

Soldier:
I met a sister of a soldier patient. The patient is 40 years of age and a Baptist chaplain from Iraq. She has Stage IV cancer and is at WR for treatment. "The surgeons removed a volleyball size tumor from her belly and left three." The patient's siblings are taking a week each and rotating through the month. I will try to visit this week as her family is not coming into till Friday, I believe. Robyn has written an article for their local paper, The Independent Traveler Watchman entitled: Cancer is Killing our Troops in Iraq. The issue is dated April 19 and the web page is: indyeastend.com Robyn said ther is another column written by her but is found only on line. I believe she interviewed some other soldiers from her sisters unit.

Sr. Joan Chittister, OSB.
I had mentioned meeting Sr. Joan on the way to Floriday. If you go to nationalcatholicreporter.org/fwis/fw042806.htm, you will read that her encounter with me begins a reflection concerning the impact of war on the American and Iraqi society. I am glad that I sparked her thoughts and grateful as always for her wisdom.

Let us hold each other tenderly in thought and prayer and continue to work and pray for peace. Let us find our voices and speak our truth to community.

Dow's Birthday: A Gift of Good News for Jason

2006-05-01T14:47:00.000-05:00

Dow headed over early to be with Jason on this his 55th birthday. When I joined them after my required Monday morning family meeting, I found them watching Al Pacino in "Two for the Money." This was an excellent drama and I can't believe that Pacino was not nominated for his role in it. All about gambling on football and the "game."

Dr. Golarz had stopped by and "released Jason" from the IV pole, the dilaudid drip, the antibiotics. Jason has his dressing changed every day. Jason is to be up and about as much as possible but he cannot do very much. He is in pain and needs help to dress, get up and move about the bed. Jason needs someone to walk along side of him when he walks. As the day went on Jason's pain increased and he said,"When I stand up, I feel like my guts are going to fall out through that incision." Jason asked his dad to stay longer but Dow's work schedule does not permit him to do so.

Dr. Golarz had an even better "good word" for Jason. If Jason's healing progresses, Dr. G will let Jason go on convalescence leave for the month of June, a thirty day leave in sunny Florida (I would return to Chicago when he leaves). There is only one stickler: Dr. G has to be comfortable that Jason will not get a hernia; this is a common potential complication whenever a person has abdominal surgery. Jason must realize that he is a risk for a hernia and not attempt lifting that he cannot do. We have a prayer and image tasks before us: Jason's complete healing so that he can go on leave June 1! (Jodi returns to school I believe in late June). Jason would be cutting the healing time in half as Dr. G first said, "Six to eight weeks after your surgery is necessary for you to heal up to normal for yourself."

Dow and I went to Whole Foods and got Jason cut up turkey, cooked carrots, yogurt smoothies and a Jamba Juice. Sounded like a nice "real food" menu to me. Jason drank the jamba and that was all he could eat at lunch after his 4 day fast. Jason tried to attend an "x-box" control presentation in OT but the group didn't come on schedule and Jason couldn't stand anymore, too much pain so we returned to the 6th floor. Jason prepared to take a nap and I left him sleeping and his dad reading the newspaper.

I headed to medical records to begin the process of getting Jason's medical records together. Going to try to get them organized for the Medical Board process. We have been told, "make copies as they will get lost at least once." So the Med Board fun begins... Then back to Mologne for chores. Spent frustrating time trying to get a real Florida person at the auto license plates bureau so that Jason could order Purple Heart plates for his car. We have seen them on cars here and they are very nice looking. I finally went to the computer and filed a form via the internet, so we will see how Florida responds.

Before we left Jason after a dinner of buttered noodles from the Noodle Bowl, I felt him and Jason was warm. His normal temp is about 97.5, it was 98.5 about a 1.5 degree temperature. Please keep Jason in your good thoughts and prayers. Pray for no infection. I let the head RN for the night know that Jason was warm and asked her to please monitor his temp.

Dow and I did our 2.5 mile walk around the track after dark. No bunny rabbits we have no answer for that except coyotes. Not much of a 55th birthday celebration for Dow today but a "gift of good news for Jason."

A Quiet Sunday after Surgery

2006-04-30T08:29:00.000-05:00

Dow got up a little after 8 AM and took the early shift with Jason. I assume Dow will have breakfast at the mess hall, get a Washington Post and have a read as Jason told his dad, "Don't come too early tomorrow." I stayed at Mologne for breakfast talked with a family member after. After completion of mass I headed up to Jason's and found his dad reading the paper and Jason talking on the phone to Jodi.

Jason had a calmer night, using the bolis less. His digestive system is now working as is his urinary system. His left hand had been swollen after the surgery as everything was going through it. Today the swelling was reduced. The scar and post operative surgery blisters can be clearly seen on his left arm now. The MD's however are still not allowing solids, "keep resting the surgery sites." Jason has been on liquids since Thursday at 2 PM. Today Jason did 5 complete circuits of the 6th floor. His RN said, "Walk,walk,walk," that is Jason's physical therapy for now.

Jason is still uncomfortable but was willing to get up and down from the bed; but very, very gently. Jason is now on Zantac, anti-acid, he can't tell if being bothered by acid stomach is from not eating, drinking sodas, or juices only. The dilaudid should be removed on Monday and probably the IV also. The MD's don't like the narcotics for longer than three days-limit before addiction. Jason will probably be put on percocet then for pain. The IV antibiotic has been stopped and the saline solution is at a very slow drip, still in "just in case they need it." Remember, if a leakage of the bowel were to happen it would be in this coming couple of days.

Dow went out for pre-made jello and the strongest tasting bouillon he could find. Jason doesn't like the hospital bouillon nor the jello. So he now has "Kool-aide"Jello in red and blue. While Dow was gone, I read a little of the Washington Post to Jason and went to lunch.

I had lunch with the "Guv" a retired military aide to the Family Assistance Office. He likes to visit with families. No one knows his role except to report the needs of family members to Dr. Wagner. He rode the shuttle in with me when I first arrived at WR, I do not think it was a coincidence. We chatted over my six months at WR and my "good times and bad times." He enjoyed the Washington Correspondents' dinner held last night and enjoyed Pres. Bush's spoof of himself with a "twin." We talked about the Closing of Fran O'Brien's (see below) and he said they are trying to find alternatives for the Friday night gathering. We discussed the group of protesters that are disrupting the funerals of gay soldiers with signs that read, "Thank God for IED's" which make me sick to my stomach (as it did Jennifer who is here filming.) The "Guv" said at 6 1/2 months at WR I could now consider myself "one of the Senior moms." A designation I would definitely rather not have.

When I got back Dow, Jason and I watched Casanova which was a lot cuter than its adds. It had a touch of Shakespeare with many switches in identity especially for Casanova. Dow and I took a 2.5 mile walk on the Mologne track, then he headed back to the hospital to watch another movie with Jason. I headed to Silver Spring to eat dinner and bring back some pasta for Dow.

Soldiers:
Met with Ken, one of the parent's whose son lost both legs and much of his jaw. Neil's family has been doing "patient care" one month at a time. I became friends with Barbara Neil's mom. I knew that Ken was retired military and a strong supporter. Dow and he would have discussions about the draft. Ken was very much opposed as is Jason. Dow is for a draft and the military.
This morning Ken's tone was very different. "I think that maybe we should have a draft. I think that the Bush's daughters should have been drafted and sent to Iraq." We talked about the lack of visits to Walter Reed by any congressional members including our own states of MN and IL. There are lots of celebrities who visit, you read about them on Jason's blog, but they are NOT the decision makers who are deciding on going to war, supporting the war, or ending the war.

Mark, Captain Spence's friend (Jason's friend) is in Medical ICU here. A very nice surprise, Beth, Gracie's mother, has found Sunni and "both of their husbands are in the same unit of the Army." So Beth has been visiting with Sunni which makes me happy as I have been busy with Jason's surgery. Also both of them are staying at Fischer House, more for families, which makes it nice.

Fran O'Brien's
There has been a wonderful social and emotional support activity for wounded soldiers and their friends and families. I am going to mention the hotel because of the situation. The Hilton has hosted a special "Friday dinner" for families and soldiers and they have been provided the very best steak meal. (Jason had a carry out one night when he first arrived.) This has become one of the very best social supports for families and soldiers. For some reason, the Hilton has decided to close the event. My understanding is that this dinner has taken place in a private space, last Friday about 100 persons attended, soldiers eat free others pay $30. The Hilton is saying "No more private space, you must eat with the regular diners." Now we are talking seriously wounded; amputees, wheelchairs and others out of the hospital for the first time. Everyone involved with the program is devastated.

Let us pray and send good thoughts that Jason will continue to heal without infections. Let us pray for all patients and family members at WR, those who are short term and those who are long term. Today's Washington Post magazine had a special about chaplains that serve in the military, focusing on Iraq. Let us pray for all support persons of soldiers. Let us say a special prayer for Dow who celebrates his 55th birthday with Jason tomorrow.

"The Day After... You Can Call Now"

2006-04-29T07:17:00.000-05:00

Reviewing the blog I thought I would share Jason's "blond joke"(connected to the season) with apologies to any blonds reading:

Three blonds die and are at the pearly gates. St. Peter has to ask each a question before she can enter heaven.
To the first, "Can you tell me what Easter is?"
"Easter is the day we dress up in costumes and collect candy door to door."
"Down below you go."

To the second blond, "Can you tell me what Easter is?"
"Easter is when we give each other presents and have a lighted tree."
Exasperated, St Peter says,
"Down below you must go."

Now quite anxious, St Peter with only one blond to go is hoping to get one into heaven. He again must ask, "What is Easter?"
The blond has been listening very hard to the answers given by the first two blonds and understands the consequences if she answers incorrectly.
"Easter is when Jesus comes out of the cave in the morning..."
St. Peter is breathing a sigh of relief...
"and if he sees his shadow, we have 6 more weeks of winter."

"That's the joke from WR, folks."

Dow awoke before 8 AM, got dressed and headed over to the hospital. I stayed behind to "take the morning more leisurely" and to do some chores. Jason had a "okay" night, pain control being the issue. The RN added benadryl by syringe to his IV so that kept the "itches" at bay. Jason continues to use the bolis dilaudid every 8 minutes. When I arrived early afternoon, Jason was watching the NFL draft and explained to me how and what was being done. Jason was waiting for the Chicago Bears and never got to see their choice. When their first round slot, I think 29, came up another NFL team took a player. So Jason was "very disappointed" to say the least.

Jason stayed awake the whole time I was with him, using the bolis as before. Dr. Golarz had given his first after-surgery assignment, "flatulence." If you have had abdominal surgery of any kind, this is the first "goal," it is a sign that the digestive system is slowly getting back to "normal." As of this afternoon, Jason had not achieved the goal. I asked the RN and he said, "This is my specialty gastrointestinal(GI). Everyone takes in air when we talk, breathe, drink, etc. We can either burp or pass gas. This is important because it means the intestines are working normally, pass the gas along and out of the body. Another source is eating because the flora that digest our food for us create gas as by-product." However Jason has only been drinking clear liquids since this morning, he was on NPO since midnight Thursday to 8 AM Saturday. Juices have natural sugars so I hope his "intestinal flora" are now happy doing their thing.

While I was visiting; PT came in for an assessment visit after surgery. PT's assignment was to see if Jason could get up and walk. Jason had the RN unplug the IV so he could walk a little easier. The PT put on the "chest walk belt" and said, "We can go around the room." Jason said, "Let's take a walk in the hall" when the room walk was accomplished with ease. So off Jason, Dow and the PT went for a walk around the complete ward, probably about 100.' The PT was pleased and Jason bushed so the mission was accomplished. Dow added, "Ward today, Silver Spring, tomorrow." I headed out to do my exercise walk around the track. The azaleas are almost gone, but now the trees give me a green canopy. I was the only one on the track, the blue sky above, the temperature warm enough to go with a tee-shirt. Birds singing, squirrels romping about a very nice way to spend an hour.

Update Soldiers:
I went down to have a bagel this morning to see if I could catch-up with any patients and parents. I met a mother and grandmother from the West coast. Their soldier had lost his foot except the heel to a grenade. They had just arrived. They liked my ID pocket that I wear around my neck; holds my license (picture), door key, metro pass. I answered their questions about the family meeting on Mondays and we exchanged rooms and phone numbers. Found out they are in the room next to ours at Mologne.

I spent some time catching up with Mike a father from Michigan. His son arrived in November, seriously injured in the leg. At the time they did a bone implant, I don't know the medical details. Today Mike said, "His leg will be amputated, but not for a year." So for now they bring Josh back, do care and he goes home for 30 days. Sounds as if this is his cycle for the next year. Josh wants to stay in Airborne and if he heals after the amputation; he will be able to return to active duty. Mike says they have another amputee that has returned to active duty which includes parachuting. I wished them both well. Mike says "I put Josh on the plane, then I drive to Port Austin." While home Josh does PT at the local VA center.

As I was returning to Mologne I heard that Gade (about 20 years old I believe) had had his surgery and was sitting with his dad by the reflecting pool. Gade came in the same time as Jason with a head injury and the loss of his right leg. His left arm has no feeling but the nerves seem to be coming back, awareness moving down from his shoulder. Often, the MD's to take pressure off the brain will remove a portion of the skull and so it was with Gade. So this week, Docs filled in the right front quadrant of Gade's head with a "plastic skull" piece under the skin. Gade had I am sure at least 50 to 70 smaller size staples holding his scalp together over his new skull. Inside, they used 24 screws to screw the plastic and Gade's skull together. His right eye was puffy and he said he had strange sounds in his ear but "that was gone now." (I am sure Gade his really happy about not having to wear the "green football helmet" associated with head injuries.)

Dow had walked up to Silver Spring, got some lunch, then picked up a couple of violent films at Jason's request "sorry, mom." Jason also invited Dan over to watch the film with him so Dow and I might go out to dinner, have to see how the evening goes. I left Jason and Dow watching "History of Violence" with Jason leaving the TV "on mute" as he his determined to see the "Bears draft choices." He thinks they probably traded their spot to pick up two or some other variation on a theme. I guess the owners do a lot of "trading," during their 15 minute slots.

We went out to dinner at Whole Foods. Dow had salmon I had side salads and vegetarian lasagna. Dow checked out Jason who was watching movies with Dan. We will see what develops over night.

Please pray for complete healing of Jason's digestive system. Pray that his pain continues to decrease. Enjoy visits with family and friends and the beautiful spring plants and flowers. The peonies are beginning to bloom here.

"Take Down" Surgery Day

2006-04-28T07:57:00.000-05:00

Jason is in 6831, Ward 68 General Surgery.
His room phone is 202 782 8891
Jason is in pain and is on a dilaudid pump with an 8 minute lock-out for bolis which he controls with a left hand held button. I requested they bring Jason the right elbow-powered RN call button as his left wrist is still recovering from surgery.

Please no calls Saturday.
I will let you know how Jason is doing Saturday evening.

Jason had a difficult time going to sleep as he had taken the prescription to clean out his bowels. "Every 5 Minutes!"(If you have had to prep for a colonoscopy, I know you can identify with him 100%) He finally turned the TV off at midnight. I passed on to Jason the telephone calls for best wishes for surgery from Martha and Bill and Vira Sisolak, cards, emails and blog entries. Jason's dad should arrive while Jason is in surgery.

One of the things Jason has said, "After this surgery I am going to take as many showers as I want to each day."

Jason was to be at the hospital at 9:30 AM. So he said, "Wake me at 8 AM. I will take a shower and head over." Jason got up a little early and took a shower. Good planning. At 8:15 AM "ring, ring" the phone and it is "Jason, Dr. Golarz for you." One of Dr G's surgeries has cancelled, "Come as quick as you can. You are now scheduled 2nd, not third."

So off to ward 68 to wait a while, down to OR where the anesthetist began to hook up tubes to the left arm. This made me wince as it is not in anyway healed and the broken "post operative blisters" look horrible. Each one looks like Jason has been burned by a cigarette. I thought I had better let the RN's and MD's know because I sure didn't want Jason's stomach looking like his arm. So I asked every medical, "Jason just had surgery and had a reaction to something. What do you think it is and how can we keep it from happening with today's surgery?" The consensus was that it was probably Benzoid, I understand it is a type of glue that is used to keep the serri strips in place. As it follows the incision made sense to me. The consensus was "We don't have to use it." One of the RN's wanted to check the medical record, not sure if she did before surgery. I left Jason at about 10:15 with the operating staff.

Down to the fourth floor OR waiting room, oh so familiar now filled with lots of family members and the Red Cross volunteer at the desk. About noon I decide I should get something to eat as I don't know how long surgery will take. I go down to the mess hall and get carry out plus some juice to drink as I know Jason will be very dehydrated when he gets to his room.

I am eating lunch in the OR waiting room and in pops Dr. Golarz at 12:45 "What did I tell you about time?" Obviously very proud of himself. Dr. G had said 2 hours and I am sure that is what it was, not bad for a chief resident who will be deployed to Iraq soon. Dr. G says, "Everything was right on. Very minimal lesions, we found everything where it should be. Didn't use the silk except for one stitch. Everything went really well. Jason is a healthy young man and had healed very well." Jason's stoma had looked irritated to me. "Don't worry, we cut that off." Ouch, now I know where the pain will come from-an added site. Jason had been cut open along the old scar, the stapled ends of the intestine where cut off and sewn together (the way Dr. G described it like a running stitch), the hole in the fascia was stitched. However, I am not sure how this works the stoma hole is not closed but will heal from the inside?

Doc G reiterated two potential problems, infection and the 1% possiblility of leakage from the intestine. Again he said, "We have to watch closely for the next three to four days." Dr. G left and shortly after Dow arrived from Chicago. He looked tired from the trip and the stress. Jennifer, making the documentary stopped by, she had hoped to catch Jason today, but missed him. She will see Jason next Friday. We spent sometime talking with the spouse of another patient who is retiring from the military and was having some corrective surgery done. He was retired military and we talked about options for his 19 year old son "who wasn't ready for college."

Jason took sometime in recovery as they were trying to bring his pain under control before they let him go up to the floor. I think I called shortly before 4 PM and the RN said, "He's on his way out, you can meet him at the corner." Dow and I headed out and found Jason in the hall. He was out of it but could tell us, "I am in a lot of pain." The RN said, "We are going to go slow," and she slowly rolled Jason to the elevator to the 6th floor. We went to his room, the RN hooked Jason to the pumps and Jason slumbered, woke, gave himself a bolis (a beep tells you what he has done), fell asleep and repeated the cycle as we sat quietly by his bedside.

Dr Golarz and his team of 4 students stopped, reviewed the post-op situation with Jason and said, "Looks like we will need you around here for about 6 weeks to make sure you are healed." Jason wanted a list of "dos and don'ts for PT" for Kyla the PT. Dr. G said he would be glad to create the list, "No lifting is part of the PT regime for a while. It is go easy."

"What do you need from the room?" "My bluetooth headset." "Okay, I can go get that for you," thinking he is in no shape to do anything even talk on the phone. Dow stayed with Jason and I headed to the room. I needed to rest awhile as waiting through a surgery is always stressful and this one in particular as Jason is counting on it so much, "My life is on hold till the colostomy is reversed." Before I got back, the Air Force visited: a mechanic and dispatcher for Air Force One. Dow said that Jason had a good conversation with them. Dow went to get supper while I stayed with Jason. He was really using the bolis, watching the clock for the passage of 8 minutes, and his face began to itch. RN Zack, from 65 was Jason's nurse this evening. I was really glad as he knows Jason well and Jason respects and really likes Zack. The perfect RN for a night of discomfort to come.

Zack got Jason some benedryl for the itch, he thought it was probably caused by the narcotics as Jason said one of the dermatologists proposed on their consult when Jason was first at WR. So Zack gave Jason the benedryl which I hope will also make him drowsy so he can get more than 5 minutes sleep at a time (between bolis). Dow told Jason about his trip out west to see his sisters and Jason and he traded blonde jokes for a couple of rounds. But about 9:30 Jason said, "You can go now." And so we went. The floor seemed very quiet which is good for after surgery rest.

Please keep Jason's pain control in your thoughts and prayers.
Let us pray that he does not get any infections.

Jason Sleeps In/Notes for the Week

2006-04-27T08:19:00.000-05:00

Jason spent last evening with Dan, his college/Army friend, "We went to Outbacks" and came back about 10:30. This morning when I woke him, he said, "I really want to sleep longer" rolled over and slept till 10:00. He decided to skip PT/OT and read his latest novel "East of the Sun, West of the Moon" a sci-fi/ about alternative futures. About noon, "Where we going to eat lunch? Then I'll do the pre-op thing" I searched the web for some restaurants but couldn't entice Jason to try something different. He decided "to try the Westfield Mall. We'll see if they have a good restaurant."

The mall is a couple of miles up Georgia in Maryland so we can say, "We went out of state," for lunch. After lunch of Chinese noodles and chicken at the food court, Jason had to have his Starbucks of the day "Carmel light" iced latte. He decided to shop at Pacsun a "surfer type" shop for twentysomethings. Jason said that Jodi likes pirates, zombies and big cats. I found a tee with a skull and flowers on it. It reminded me of New Orleans and Mardi Gras. Jason said, "No Jodi likes the skull from pirates, not flowery skulls." I can't imagine finding clothes with pirate skulls on them except when the next pirate movie comes out. Anyway, Jason found a pair of shorts by "Element:wind, water, fire, earth" I really like the shorts Jason wears. They are surfer length with lots of pockets. They don't make them for women.

Jason also purchased a "find" from one of his favorite brands: Skin (from making leathers for bikers.) Jason had Lisa send him his belt with Skin as the buckle. The brown tee shirt had the company coat of arms "Skin Industries is the Original Lifestyle- Victorious in competition-Celebrated in Video-Glorified Around the World-Founded in the Year 1998 Not Imported. I said, "The shirt will look good with your new khaki colored shorts." "No, too much brown" was the reply.

We headed back to WR where I dropped Jason off at the front lobby to go to his pre-op and to pick up his prescriptions. Jason had to wait again for 2 hours before they pre-opped him. There really is a problem with that process. He stopped for his laxative, 2 bottles of saline phosphate. He said, "That stuff tastes gross: like salt." The Doc said he could have jello and liquids till midnight so I bought him yellow, orange and red jello; hope it lasts him the evening. Jason will have to report into the hospital by 9:30 AM on Friday and the surgery should begin at noon lasting till 2, aftercare probably till 4, so Jason should reach his hospital room by 5 PM.

I thought it is time for Jason to begin to look at the process of Med Board. After he returned from "waiting" I said I would head for dinner in the mess hall. I met Eric and his family having dinner. They will probably return home on Monday. Eric had a complication after this surgery and my heart breaks for him, his family and especially his beautiful daughter Gracie, age one. Beth his wife is looking very stressed with huge purple bags under her eyes.

I had sat down at a table with a soldier who has been here for a year. I asked David about the Med Board process and "God does provide for me" as he is at the end of the process and knows everything from a "soldier's going through the experience." He outlined the steps and what Jason needs to look out for before, during and after. David said that he has not heard of one soldier who has gotten through the process without having the paperwork lost. So...make multiple copies. I wished him well, David plans on returning to Mississippi and applying for a "job with the post office." He will have to drive to a VA facility 1 1/2 hours away from his home. He gave me his cell phone number and said, "Jason has any questions, give me a call." A very nice young man and I wish him well.

Earlier in the day I had spent an hour in the Fitness doing weights and stretches. After dinner I decided to do my 2.5 mile walk around the track. Here I met a young soldier who had been here 18 months. He was listening to his Ipod and zipping around the track on a arm powered 4 wheel bike as he had lost his right leg and had terrible scars on every limb. I just missed him turning the bike over, he said he "took a corner going about 18 miles and hour." He said that he stayed up all night (and I worried about PTSD.) Said when he first arrived he would go for a week at a time without sleep then crash for 24 hours. I thought him very unrealistic as he told me, "I plan to go to college, become a CEO. Don't plan on working hard, just telling other people to work." I was touched by his experiences and his wounding and offered him encouragement in his life's choices. The costs of war are great to body, mind and soul.

It was a perfect evening for a walk and tonight the squirrels were out and about big time. I must have seen at least ten as I walked in the "cool and the peace of the evening."

Notes:
I have not been able to connect to the web and the blog so happenings from the last couple of days:

Jason received his prosthetic shoulder powered arm from prosthetics this week. I have not seem him wear it yet. While we were out, Jason said, "Wish I had worn my arm, would have helped me." I will take a picture for the blog as it Jason had prosthetics color it, using green food coloring in the carbon fiber as they created it. Jason says, "It is cool" and is proud of it.

I arrived back about 6 PM on Tuesday, unpacked etc. Jason received his evening call from Jodi and I headed down to the restaurant to read the newspaper. While I was there, I was again visited by the little mouse whom I had met earlier and have written about on the blog. He was now a little larger. He scampered around the floor, picked up his dinner and disappeared with his tail straight up in the air as before under the TV. I was happy to see him up and about, smiling I gave thanks to God for these smallest of creatures, living a full life, unseen and unappreciated as fellow beings in our environment. May God bless all of life and may we enjoy and protect such beautiful creatures of the earth; gifts to us.

On Wednesday during PT we met a director Mr. Terry Sanders President of the American Film Foundation (see web page). He has won two osiers, and is a producer who makes documentaries. Mr. Sanders said that he has been making movies for 50 years. The movie will explore and present medicine and health care from the battlefield to recovery. It is being filmed at WR and at Bethesda. The movie will be 100 minutes long and will be shown on PBS. Mr Sanders is also hoping it will be shown in theaters. Jason will be interviewed for the movie. He was being filmed during PT with Kyla. Ms. Jennifer Glos, assoc producer is a friend of Henry one of Jason's friends from Loyola University now in Hollywood and connected to the movie world. Henry told Jennifer about Jason as she was working on the project, Jennifer eyes teared as she told me of reading the blog and Jason's story as she has been touched by his journey.

Jason had PT and decided he would head with me to Silver Spring to eat lunch and see a movie. He had seen two movies by himself on Tuesday. Jason seems more energized and motivated to be up and about knowing he will have the colostomy reversed this week. He headed to Starbucks while I attended counseling and afterwards he and I ate at McGinty's a new Irish pub located by the theater. I had a Ceasar salad with roasted red pepper but skipped the anchovies on top. Jason had a hamburger with blue cheese dressing and the biggest serving of French fries I have ever seen. We headed to the show to see the new Walt Disney "The Wild" which for me was scary. I do not know how Disney can justify the level of in "children's" movies. It says a lot about cultural norms, values and why it is so acceptable as normal and "as the answer" in our personal, political and social lives.

Wednesday evening at Quixote Center, I attended the "goodbye and blessings" liturgy for Martha Turner who is moving this weekend to Minnesota. The circle for liturgy was full and we enjoyed stories of Quixote and Martha "what I remember is that I was lost and couldn't find my way to Quixote" was one of Martha's admissions. Martha and I were both thankful that she had told me about Quixote and what a blessing our association with it has been for both of us. I know that our leaving each other was "until we meet again" not a "Good-bye." We are sisters in faith and walk with the People of God. Martha said, "We will meet at Call to Action, the annual meeting of heretics." We smiled together; it is a blessing to work and pray for peace and justice; our journey of life, our path also known as the Way of Jesus. Martha will try to see Jason one more time before she leaves but it may not be possible as they will follow the moving van and be there when it arrives.

Discussion with nutritionist about surgery aftercare:
I see integrative medical center staff at Northwestern Memorial Hospital for my care in Chicago. I thought I would call my nutritionist for her input concerning "how to best get Jason's digestive system working after surgery." One of the problems is that pain medications usually constipate people and we assume Jason is no different. Judy's suggestions for Jason include:

yogurt to increase active flora in the digestive system
Vitamin C, buffered and a good multi-vitamin; fish oil with Omega fats as Jason does not like fish
cooked prunes and prune juice
at least 8 glasses of water a day, not distilled
lots of cooked fruits and cooked vegetables
stay away from beef and refined sugars
caffeine to stimulate bowel, green tea is best

Let us pray fro the success of Jason's surgery and his complete healing. Let us be thankful for the care our soldiers receive at Walter Reed and good people who document her/history so that the stories will not be lost. For God is a "lover and teller of stories" (Fr. Andrew Greeley and I agree) Let us be thankful for all the creatures in our lives, from squirrels to mice; all are miracles of life and an expression of God. Let us pray for all the families of Walter Reed patients and wounded soldiers that they will know of God's love because we reach out and care for them, holding them tenderly. Blessings on each of you, thank you for being here for Jason.

FRIDAY for Jason's Surgery; Send Good Thoughts and Prayers

2006-04-26T07:31:00.000-05:00

Jason's surgery to reverse his colostomy is re-scheduled for Friday. This is not an unusual surgery, however it normally results in high levels of pain for the day(s) immediately following surgery. This surgery also has the increased potential for infection because it involves the lower bowel. It is difficult for the bowel to return to function normally as it has been "resting for six months." Patients have gone as long as two weeks after surgery before having a bowel movement.

Jason and I met with Dr. Golarz on Wednesday. Dr. G said he had two surgeries prior to Jason on Thursday. He was worried that Jason would not be able to be operated on and would have to prep again for surgery on Friday. Prep for this surgery means laxatives to clean out the bowel and fasting from solids. Dr. G did not want Jason to have to go through the prep more than once.

I asked Dr. G to tell us about the surgery. Dr. G explained that the surgeons in Iraq, after reviewing the severe extent of Jason's buttock wounds and the injury to the sphincter knew that the area would have to be kept clean to heal, thus requiring a colostomy. Dr. G was very happy that Jason had suffered no internal wounds and that the MD's did not have to use mesh in his abdominal area. I gathered that mesh would complicate this surgery, I did not ask for specifics because Jason does not have it. The stoma for the colostomy is formed by creating a opening in the intestine and connecting it to the fascia (outer skin) It is sewn together and heals as one unit as Jason's has done. The intestine is cut and stapled at both ends; the ends a length away from the rectum.

To reverse the colostomy the stoma from the intestine is cut away from the outer skin which has grown together to form the opening, sewn shut and returned to the stomach cavity. The opening in the outer skin also closed during surgery is a site, "that almost always becomes infected." The two inner ends of the of the intestines are unstapled and sewn together. The inner wall of the intestine is sewn together with silk thread "lasts a lifetime" and the outer wall is sewn together with re-absorbable stitches. The MD's will go in through the same incision used to create the colostomy six months ago. The scar is about 6" long starting at the belly button. If there are no complications the surgery should take about 2 hours and the new incision will be stapled closed for healing. Jason will remain in the hospital until he has a normal bowel movement. About 1% of patients have leakage of the intestine after this surgery.

Dow will arrive on Friday during the scheduled surgery and stay till Tuesday. We will celebrate his 55th birthday on Monday, May 1 while he visits Jason in the hospital. A successful and healed "take down" surgery for our son will be the best gift Dow could ever receive.

Please keep Jason's complete and total healing and recovery from this surgery in your thoughts and prayers. Imagine Jason pain free and infection free after this surgery. Pray that his digestive system quickly returns to normal with no complications. Hold Jason with your love and care as you have been faithful these 6 months since his wounding in war.

Let us envision Jason up and about; stretching and doing physical and occupational therapy, working, working out, relaxing, reading and watching movies, going to school, learning and incorporating the lessons life teaches us, helping others, traveling, enjoying life, resting and continue to heal in his mind, body and spirit.

A Weekend Away

2006-04-24T18:37:00.000-05:00

Jason said, "I had a really good time." No glitches, no problems-health care wise.

went to a movie with Jodi
stayed up late
visited with Jodi's sister
visited with Jodi's friends
had a little rain but nothing could dampen his spirit about his time away

Jason came back relaxed and enthusiastic. Looking forward to 30 days of convalescence leave after he heals from Thursday's surgery.

Katy:
I had a great time this weekend away from Walter Reed. My brother Charles and sister Connie joined me at Lisa and Charlie's to attend the First Communion of our grandson Jonathan. Saturday the boys had soccer games in the morning. We stayed home with Ellie and rested up from the short night before. I did not pick Connie up from the airport until close to midnight. We got dressed up to attend the liturgy at Nativity. Lisa was in charge of a reception after; we had cake and lemonade then headed for the party/dinner with extended family from Nativity parish. The families from about 7 communicants gathered together at a community center for the festivities.

The best part is that the parents hire a couple who do children's parties. So after our buffet dinner we had two hours of musical chairs, pass the hula-hoop, a conga line, the hokey pokey, and best fun of all "Who can wrap a friend like a mummy using toilet paper?" Aunt Connie and JC helped wrapped Jonathan and won the acclaim of everyone! He looked just like a mummy.

On Sunday we had a quiet day at home, a BBQ family picnic before Connie left for her home in Livonia, MI. Lisa and I attended the Broadway touring performance of "Joseph and his Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat." Lisa was hoping for a drama because she is attending a bible study and they are studying Genesis. The music of Frank Lloyd Webber is so fun, the two hour musical seemed a only a few minutes long. Just picture the pharaoh being King-- Elvis. Played by a really good Elvis impersonator. He was "all shook up" over his dream. Joseph had his own cheerleaders.

Monday it was back to school for the three children, Uncle Chuck left for Georgia and Lisa and I began to get the house back in order. I leave for home on Tuesday plenty of time to help Jason prepare for his surgery on Thursday. Tuesday it was up early to clean house. I did feel good helping Lisa clean the floor; I swept she washed the tile floor, the basics of taking care of one's living space. A chore that I have not attended to for 6 plus months. There is something reassuringly normal about cleaning the house; such a contrast with living at MHH on an Army post.

Let us be ever thankful the "average day" and the "normal" of our lives. Let us be thankful for times with family and friends. Let us be thankful for all those who offer hospitality on our journey. Let us be thankful "for vacation trips" whether they be short or of longer duration. Let us hold the faces and experiences with our dearest ones in our hearts and always treasure them immersed in their beauty and the gift of life.

Friday:Miracles and Goodness Abound

2006-04-22T07:26:00.000-05:00

A story that begins in January 2006. Deeply tortured by the seriousness of Jason's wounds and the impact of those wounds on his life I head to National Airport to be with Lisa and her scheduled outpatient surgery. Going through security I am "randomly selected" for a total security check including a wanding of self. If you have not gone through this, you stand in the middle of the public security area and are searched. I comply and stretch out my arms, identify with Jesus on the cross, slip into a pool of despair and begin to weep from the center of my soul.

"Why are you doing this? My son has given his life for this country! He is in Walter Reed very seriously injured while you humiliate me. I marched against Vietnam and I have attended a Prayer Peace Vigil every Tuesday since 9/11?" TSA responds, "I am doing my job." I weep as I wait for my plane, I weep as I fly to Tampa for myself, for all those injured and killed in this war and all wars throughout humanity's his/herstory and for the lost direction of my beloved country.

On Tuesday I realized that I had to again cross the security barriers of National. Not only that Jason was to cross security for the first time in 6 months on his first outing from WRAMC. What if I was wanded again and most horrific what if Jason was subjected to "random" security procedures? I had to stand against such humiliation. WRAMC had given us a TSA number to help with security procedures and I had assumed that it was specifically for those in wheel chairs etc. I thought I would try to stop the madness we could confront.

I called the TSA and told them the story of my January "random wanding" I said, "IF I or my son Captain Jason Scott is wanded I WILL call the Washingtom Post immediately, I will call the offices of my Senators from IL immediately" He asked for my flight info and for Jason's flight info saying, "I will help you however know you are subject to standard security measures" I replied, "I understand and do you understand what I will do if Jason or myself is wanded?" He said, "yes" and we hung up. I thought the line in the sand had been drawn very clear and I was prepared to follow through even if it meant I missed my flight.

On Friday morning Jason and I got a call from the TSA telling us that an agent would meet each of us at the doors of National Airport. While we are riding in the taxi heading to National, another call from: TSA, "Mam, We see that you and Jason are on two different planes. We would like to get you both on the same plane." I think, "Oh my God who is doing what to our flights?!" I cry, "NO, NO don't change the flights, Jason wants to go to Orlando to see his girl friend..." the cell phone connection dies. Jason gives me a very quizzical look, "What's that?" I reply "They think somehow we got mixed up in flights, they are trying "to be helpful." I am thinking who and how many folks are involved with our flight plans this morning?

Jason only had an overnight bag so we say, "Goodbye" and he heads inside National. I am going to check in at curb because it is always easier. It is a busy Friday morning, a porter comes over asks me for my ID and goes to the machine, punches in and immediately comes back to me, "I am sorry you cannot check in curbside, we must go inside." Oh, Oh is this the beginning of my "special treatment?" As we are going in to the counter out comes a very well built, twice my size, very tall TSA woman agent, I think, "She definitely would have no trouble in overpowering me. "Good morning mam, I am here to see that you have no trouble getting boarded this morning. I am to escort you to the plane." She was polite and very firm as she stood by me during my skycap's attempts to get my boarding pass from the counter. She tells me, "You have the very best skycap." TSA says, "It will be a minute, the airlines want to say "thank you" for your sacrifice and your son's. Both of you are being upgraded to first class seats." At this point I see Jason working with a TSA agent a line away.

I am saying, "You don't have to do that for me." But my heart is leaping with joy. Jason had gotten a ticket in economy and in the middle of a row. Although the flight is short to Orlando Jason would have been mighty uncomfortable because of his injuries. Now Jason would be in luxury with a seat that is made for his 6'4"! Yes this is how America must treat all of its soldiers who have given so much. Jason has a ex-Marine, now TSA supervisor for his escort who is carrying his bag and calls Jason "Captain Scott." "We take care of our soldiers." This makes me tearful as to have this older gentleman/ex-soldier treat my wounded son with such respect touches my heart deeply. We go through security, the woman agent puts my 800 film through the "drug/explosive checker machine" by hand telling the operator there is no need to open the camera package. I didn't see Jason actually go through the gate, I will have to ask Jason as I think he was told he has so much shrapnel he is not to go through the x-ray gate.

My woman escort leaves me with Jason and his escort on the other side of security. "Come with us to Jason's gate" the supervisor says." Okay since my gate is next to Jason's only an hour and 1/2 later. We chat for a few minutes and TSA says "Sir you can board the plane now. Mam, stay here and I will take you to the Skylounge." Again I am taken aback. The supervisor comes back and he is impressed by the behavior of the US Airway's pilot. A TSA agent has authority for security only to the door of the plane, then responsibility for the plane lies with the pilot and the airline he explains. He was invited onto the plane with Jason and the Captain of the plane took Jason's bag and led him to his seat. TSA said, "I have not seen that before. I have not been invited onto a plane." Again, my heart is touched and my eyes fill with tears of thankfulness for the Goodness of these men. Then he says to me "Come with me to the skylounge where you can relax before you flight."

A lounge has a TV, free coffee, muffins, yogurt etc. It is almost empty at this time of the morning. A woman comes in and I watch as she sits down opposite the room from me. I think I recognize her. She gets out her computer and spends time on her cell phone and laptop. I get up my courage and go over to her, "My name is Katy and are you Joan...Chittister?" Oh my gosh, Sr. Joan looks up and says to me, "You are good, girl, I am Joan." At this point I am speechless, so I say, "Sr Joan I usually see you at a podium way up there...the last time I saw you, it was Dublin." Now if you follow the Vatican II reform movement in the USA you know that Sr. Joan is a Erie Benedictine sister, widely known for her wisdom, has written many books, and regularly appears on TV to present her views and wisdom to the USA audience interested in religious perspectives. She attended the Women's Ordination Worldwide Conference in 2001 over the strong protests of the Vatican. Her monastery voted to support her decision to attend. The decision of her community to support her attending WOW rocked the RCC as her community was the first to openly stand against the oppression and denial of the equality of women by the RCC, Pope Paul II and Card Ratzinger, now Pope Benedict 16.

Joan tells me that she has been to a conference here in DC and is heading home. She asks me "Why are you here?" I tell her, "I am here with my son Jason at WR" and that I would like to show her his pictures. Joan agrees and for a few minutes I tell her about Jason and her eyes continue to tear. I am deeply touched by her compassion for both of us and am highly honored to be in the presence of such a strong feminist, an advocate for peace who has consistently articulated the Gospel reasons against war. Sr. Joan's words have touched the hearts and minds of millions. Sr. Joan, looks at the time, "I must go, I am so glad to have spent this time with you." We give each other a blessing and a promise of prayers. I give her Jason's blog site and my email. I hope to stay in contact with this "spiritual mother for the People of God." You can find more info about Sr. Joan at Benetvision.org, her latest writings include Scarred by Trouble, Transformed by Hope; In Search of Belief; and Heart of Flesh: A Feminist Spirituality for Women and Men.

I head to the plane and am in First Class. Now the section is basically empty I think maybe 4 out of 20 seats taken. And sitting next to me with plenty of seats available is a LTC Drago from the Special Operations Command, a Strategic Planner who happens to be going home for a visit this weekend. The "coincidence" of his being given a seat next to me in a empty section is too much. I think "I am hemmed in" by this guy. Sigh, what is a peace activist to do? I ask, "Want to see pictures of my son, VSI in Iraq" He is not eager to see them, but I show them anyway and go into detail about each injury. A little later the LT Colonel moves into an empty seat away from me. Did he think I had no reason for my anger? I wonder what he was told about me? I am left in peace without a military escort for the remainder of my flight.

Arriving at the Tampa airport I am met by a man, "with a bald head and a green suit" as he has described himself to me earlier in the day. "I am the head of security at the Tampa Airport." I am impressed with the wasted time of human resources as I have no more security to go through at this point, talk about "overkill escorting." "Sir I don't need an escort, I am here to see my grandchildren. It is okay, my daughter will be coming to get me as she always does." He replies, "We want to take care of our soldiers and their families, if there is any thing I can do?" I assure him I know my way around this airport and shake his hand and my head as I walk away in unbelief. But the First Class was indeed very special and a blessing for which I am very thankful especially for my son.

Truly this was a day of blessings and goodness. I hope your weekend was filled with surprises and many blessings.
Please pray for the successful surgery for Jason on Thursday. Infection is a complication and is a high risk for this colostomy reversal. Please keep Jason's complete healing in your thoughts and prayers. Let us all pray and work for peace. Let us all take care of our wounded soldiers when they come home.

Let's "Talk Over" Phones

2006-04-20T08:51:00.000-05:00

As you know from my previous entry, when persons call us from outside the WR system for about the last three weeks, they have not been able to hear us. As usual I have been telling everyone at every opportunity, "Listen up, we have phone problems in 316." My motto is "The squeaky wheel gets the grease" or "If decision makers don't know about a problem, how are they going to resolve it" or my favorite pastime, "How do I slay an unresponsive bureaucratic dragon?" (non-violently and metaphorically, please)

So...As you know I had talked to the Manager of the MHH and he had said, "We're working on it." This morning when I went to get Jason his morning bagel, there manager was standing at the lobby desk with a woman at his side. I thought "Good time for a reminder." I figured it was time for a small dose of public chastisement. "Hello there, hear anything about the phone problem? Still not working from the feedback on weekend calls I got" and for good measure, "You know when General Webster called he was upset that he couldn't hear my son." I have nothing to loose except continuing poor phone service; put it out there, run it up the flag and see if anyone salutes it.

9:30 AM the Facilities Manager at MHH and a representative from Sprint (no identifying name tag-which around here I assume means he's undercover something, after 6 months at WR I don't trust anything I see, hear or read till I verify it) were at my room door saying, "Can we help?" They both declared it was not in the system but in the room's phone. They tinkered, they listened, they called, they answered, took out the phone and took out the line. They got a new phone and got a new line. Took about an hour of two men tinkering and talking a lot. When they were done "transplanting" I was asked to call someone from outside and have them call me. My sister in Michigan obliged, line working just fine.

All of this begs the questions "Why couldn't this have been done when I first let MHH staff know about the phone problems?" Why did the MHH manager tell me "It is a Sprint problem," when it wasn't? I always feel that folks on this post will tell family members anything to "get them out the door." They know most of us leave after a short time enabling the administration to never address problems in the day to day management of the support system of folks under a tremendous amount of emotional and physical stress. For those of us who are "long term residents" it is truly a family member's nightmare.

I was feeling pretty good, we now having a working phone, when poor Jason comes in and relates his "nightmare episode" of the bureaucratic bombastic battles. Jason is leaving on a weekend pass to fly to Orlando Friday morning. Everything that could go wrong within Med Hold went wrong. At Ft. Stewart getting a pass meant going on line, filling out a form, printing and taking it to a CO to sign. Jason said, "Usually 10 minutes max." Here the creation of a bureaucratic process demanded that he speak to numerous persons, fill out numerous forms "when the regular Army has one form and one CO to approve." I strongly recommend the Army needs to create a "problem solving committee of soldier patients of Med Hold" and listen to their experiences and modify the Med Hold administration system. My humble opinion as a soldier patient's mother who in six months of recuperation from very serious injuries has not ever lifted his voice until today.

Later Jason said, "Where we going for dinner?" I said, "You choose something that you're not going to eat in Orlando." He said, "Let's do Lebanese." So off we went to Silver Spring for dinner.
At the end of the meal, Jason said, "I wanted to come because I really wanted to go to Ben and Jerry's for a mint chocolate milkshake." I laughed and said, "I would have chosen Panera's for their bread soup bowl." Jason got his milkshake for a treat before he heads to Florida tomorrow.

Let us pray that Jason has a nice first weekend away from Walter Reed since his arrival.
Let us pray for blessings for Jonathan First Communion this weekend. I will be away till late next Tuesday. Jason and I will travel to Reagan National together early tomorrow; he to Orlando and Jodi, myself to Tampa and a long weekend with grandchildren.

May you have a wonderful spring weekend in sun with family and friends. Blessings to you all.

Jason's Surgery Scheduled for April 27

2006-04-19T19:54:00.000-05:00

The surgery to reverse Jason's colostomy is scheduled for Thursday April 27. Dr. Golarz has contacted a surgeon well experienced in such "take downs" to be the head surgeon for Jason's surgical team.

Dow is scheduled to be in town from Friday to the following Tuesday, so that is good for Jason will be in the hospital for about a week after the surgery we have been told.

Please keep the success of this very important surgery in your good thoughts and prayers.
Please continue to keep the healing of Jason's left arm in your prayers. It is still swollen and hurting. This is the first time he has had after-surgery pain.

Up and Down Day

2006-04-19T13:40:00.000-05:00

Jason had his test (7th floor gastrointestinal) to see if the surgeons would be able "to take down/reverse" his earlier surgery. The tests results were positive for surgery to proceed. So that was an excellent way to start the day! However, in PT when Kyla cut away Jason's bandage from his left arm surgery on Friday, his left arm was every color of the rainbow and continues to be very swollen. Made me uneasy looking at the wound. This was the downer for my day.

One of the persons I got to meet today was Senator Chuck Nagle, a Vietnam Veteran and a Republican from Nebraska who questioned the war in Iraq. I thanked him and want to send him an email. He said he continually works to have the VA system adequately funded to provide care for the vets. Sen. Nagle visited with the patients in PT and OT. He said he tries to visit WR at least once a month. I told him that I was very disappointed that our own IL senators had not visited Jason during his stay at WR.

When I met him about 2 PM as Jason was heading back to PT having missed the morning session because of the testing; he asked me, 'What do you think this is?" It looked like lymph fluid to non-medical me oozing from his surgery wound. I said, "Jason please see Dr. Wickman or Dr. Farber today." The wound has no stitches but is held together with serri strips and everyone has been telling Jason, "Use the wrist as much as possible."

Jason returned to the room about 4 PM after PT and I said,"Did you see the Doc?" "Yes, the bruises are normal, the swelling is normal. The ooze is called 'post-operative blisters." I asked, "What are those?" Jason said that is all the Doc said. Humph... Martha Turner is still doing tests at Walter Reed and said she could meet me at about 5 PM. When Martha arrived I asked Martha to give her opinion of the blisters. Martha said, "Oh yes, I have gotten them every time after surgery. It is an allergic reaction to the tape." I thought, "That is why they call them post op." Earlier Jason had said, "Why don't you two skip going to Quixote and we'll go out to celebrate my upcoming surgery!" Martha said, "YES" and so around 5 PM we headed out to a Chinese Restaurant on Connecticut Ave.

The review of the restaurant on the web said the food was standard Chinese, good. However, that is not why we chose to celebrate there. This restaurant has "United States/Russian history" writ large in its rooms. During the Cuban Missile Crisis in 1962, an ABC reporter named Scalia (representing Pres. Kennedy) and a Russian named Fromin (representing Krushev) had their first and last meeting in this restaurant to resolve the crisis! We sat in a booth (I tried to get the waitress to tell us what booth they met in but she did not know). But it was awesome to be able to be in such a place of history. I remember so clearly the black and white photos on TV and wondering "Will the missiles from Cuba be able to hit Michigan where I lived?" I remember very much how fearful I was that we would unleash nuclear weapons on Cuba. I knew the destruction would be enormous and would Russia enter the war and unleash the weapons it had aimed at the USA? If it did, both of our countries would be destroyed and probably the world's environment.

We decided to celebrate with Peking duck for the three of us. It was wonderful and we toasted to the success of Jason's surgery to come and a rich and rewarding life for him. We talked about his leaving WR in time for school this fall if possible and Martha's world travels as RN/PHD extraordinary. Her plans include a potential project with the Army in Afghanistan. Martha will not have your "average retirement." She said it feels really strange when people ask "Where do you work?" I am sure God will keep Martha as busy as she wants to be!

Martha remembered that when she first met Jason how she brought work because she thought he would be asleep. Instead they had great conversation and she got busy doing "nursing things." God has given Jason such a special angel in Martha and we are truly blessed to have her in our lives.

A Note of Mutual Support:
While Jason was having his test this morning, I sat in the waiting room next to an outgoing probably octogenarian woman who said, "I do not know what to say. I want to say thank you for the sacrifice you made for our country." Jason went in for the procedure and she and I spent the time talking. First about her own husband wounded as a paratrooper, his shute did not open during the Korean War. He spent his career in the Foreign Service including a stint in the backwoods of Vietnam during the war. Then I shared Jason's story including sharing a picture of his HO model. Marianne was bright and witty and just the support I needed this morning as we both waited for our patients, her husband was have a colonoscopy.

A woman sitting next to her said she was waiting for her husband who was having the same procedure. We got into a lively discussion about how the MD's definitely do not tell you the "ins and outs" of what it means to prepare for and to undergo a colonoscopy! I couldn't believe we were having this conversation but it was for me an eye opener about how medicine says one thing but in real life practice the Docs do another "Its no big deal" we were all told. Ha! You drink a gallon of stuff until you puke at one end and run at the other. The actual procedure you are "out for" but the prep almost kills you we all very strongly agreed. We supported each other and our family members and I felt lifted in my spirit. What a way the Spirit of Love works, through the sharing of the rough times, we know we are not alone and can face the challenge individually. Blessings on these women and their spouses for the gift they gave me today.

When Jason reappeared, I introduced Marianne and she began to talk about her husband, telling Jason a few things including "and he's really good in bed." We all looked at her and she was smiling! I said, "Jason will have to be sure to tell his girlfriend that retired vets have active, satisfying sex lives!" She also said, "With a mother like yours, you may even be President someday. I know Jason will have a very rewarding life." She has high expectations for Jason just like I do! Blessings for Jason given by a wonderful wise woman. How I hope to be like her as I complete my life.
.

Jason's Results: Normal Rectal Manometry: Reversal Surgery to be Scheduled

2006-04-19T10:11:00.000-05:00

For the Medicals who read this:
Physical Findings:

Cutaneous sphincter reflex: Finding: Intact
Resting Int/Ex. sphincter tone: Finding: Normal
External Sphincter Squeeze Press: Finding: Normal

Impressions:

Normal internal and external sphincter tone and relaxation
Normal sensation to distension
Overall normal study

Let's Do a Barium Image; Let's Do a Cat Scan Image

2006-04-18T15:02:00.000-05:00

Jason and I headed over to WR, first floor radiology for his barium test this morning at 8:30. This test was to create a picture of Jason's innards around the surgery site for the surgeons. We waited for about 45 minutes then Jason went in. While we waited we took turns reading the newspaper and watching CNN. About 10:45 Jason came out with a MD waved, made a hand that said, "Five minutes" and headed out the door. He was back in about 5 minutes and I asked, "What happened?" Jason said they could not get a "readable image" using barium to coat his tissues. They poked, prodded, and tried to create images using the x-ray machine. Jason's bottom was sore.

Finally after an hour and 1/2 of trying, the radiology intern said, "Let's do this with a cat scan." As Jason had signed it was over very quickly once the MD changed procedures.
By this time it was 11 AM so Jason headed to PT and set up an afternoon appointment for himself. Then we went to OT and saw John who reiterated the need for OT to exercise the left wrist to increase its flexibility. Wally is Jason's new OT. Jason and I had a discussion about the best use of Kyla's time. I think Jason should use OT time to really focus on working the left wrist as this is so important for his ability to complete acitivities of daily living, having only one hand that is not his dominant.

Please send good thoughts and prayers that Jason passes his test tomorrow. This one will decide if he can have the surgery to reverse the earlier one. He has the test at 9 PM the instructions say it will take "20 minutes." We will see.

We headed back to the room and I worked on chores and Jason checked online news, email, etc. Jodi called and I left them talking on the phone while I headed to Silver Spring to get my hair cut. It is so beautiful and I love to walk outdoors and the 5 miles is good for me. I shopped at Whole Foods and had my lunch from their salad/deli bar. On the way back, I talked to my daughter Lisa on the phone and I thought, "I have succumbed like the rest of America. Here I am on a spring stroll talking on the cell phone instead of enjoying the moment."

I arrived at the room about 4 expecting it to be empty, but lo and behold, Jason was sound asleep on the bed. "What happened?" "I fell asleep." I found leftovers from yesterday so Jason had eaten lunch, talked to Jodi and then decided it was "nap time." He had done the same thing yesterday and stayed awake till midnight watching Comedy Central last night. Jason slept till 6 PM and then said, "Were are we going to dinner?" He let me chose and I said, "Eggspectations" in Silver Spring. I had two eggs on French toast, Canadian bacon, and homefries as I was craving eggs, not having any in weeks. Jason had chicken and penne pasta wasn't happy with the taste, but I was glad he was tasting! We returned to Mologne House and Jodi called shortly thereafter.

Washington Post: front page article

The Post continues its series on the effects of the Iraqi war. Today's article is entitled: Limbs Lost to Enemy Fire, Women Forge a New Reality. Both women featured in the story were patients at WRAMC. Extensive discussion of the impact of being an amputee and the differences between men and women's response. Eleven women are amputees versus 350 men because of the Iraq war. This is a new combat injury for American citizens to confront and understand their meaning.

Mologne House Telephone system:

For about the last three weeks when we call someone outside of Mologne House or off post, they cannot hear us "too scratchy, too low, etc..." and the reverse is true if they call us, they cannot hear us same problems. Makes the phone useless. Except when I try to report it, everyone at MHH/on post says, "I can hear you just fine." I caught up with the Manager of MHH and he said, "It is Sprint. We have asked for a new "computer board" for the system and they won't supply one." Don't know the excuse from Sprint. So we are using the cell phones which cost us minutes. So...If there is one of you with influence within the Sprint system for the DC area/MHH specifically; give them a call, maybe an email would work better :-), and see if we can give MHH and the US Army a helping hand in resolving this problem ASAP. Thanks from all the frustrated parents/family members/friends and wounded soldiers of MHH.

Jason Has Another Radiation Treatment

2006-04-17T14:01:00.000-05:00

It was up at regular time for a radiation treatment to Jason's left arm scheduled at 8 AM, first floor WR, Room 1H. It took about an hour and Jason came out with his bandaged arm all marked up like a grid as radiation techs take many measurements to be sure that the radiation is focused at a specific area. Jason's bone removal was necessary for "ulna-radius synostosis (bone fusion)" I asked Dr. Wilson head of radiology about the word and was it heterotopic ossification? He said "It is HO, but a specific kind synostosis means 'bone bridge.'" As we said the shrapnel shattered both bones so the body trying to heal laid down new bone here and there and here, creating about a 3 inch "block of bone" in Jason's lower arm. His fingers are still swollen and looking bruised this morning, the bandage will come off Wednesday. Jason said, "It is very uncomfortable because you lay on a metal table, no padding and cannot move." They measure and measure but the actual treatment is like 30 seconds. Dr. Wilson told me, "This treatment was so much easier to plan than his hip area." He again thanked me for providing him the resin model of Jason's hip HO that was so helpful in their planning the first radiation treatment. Thanks to orthopedics for creating it.

After his radiation treatment, Jason headed to PT and I headed to the Monday morning family accountability meeting at Mologne House. Again the folks were new this morning, the room not as filled as last Monday. I filled out the necessary paperwork, letting them know that I would be gone for my upcoming long weekend. When I returned to the room, there was a phone message from Dr. Golarz telling Jason that he had scheduled tests for this coming Friday. I left a message on Jason's cell but he did not receive it. I thought Jason might be able to chase Docs after PT. So when Jason returned to the room, I told him, "Dr. G wants you to see him today for a consult permission sheet, then he would like you to meet with the gastrointestinal Docs/technicians to schedule your tests this week." (other blog entry for today)

Jason returned to the room about 4 PM after an afternoon session with PT. Kyla and Greg had re-wrapped his arm, including his fingers and told Jason, "You must keep this arm elevated as it is very swollen." (I felt supported as I was telling him the same thing. Jason was compliant and has slept with a pillow under his left arm since the surgery.) Kyla had written "Hi Jodi" on the bandage and Jason had sent a cell phone picture to her. He wouldn't let me take a picture for the blog so you will have to trust me. Jason was exhausted after MD visits, PT in the morning and afternoon. He immediately laid down on the bed, took off his glasses and fell asleep. It is so good that Jason can rest because I know that surgery after surgery; day after day of PT and OT and treatments must stress his mind, body and spirit.

Martha Turner called and wanted to touch base with Jason but missed him in PT. She is at WR undergoing tests before she and Chuck retire to MN at the end of the month. She and Jason missed each other in the hospital. A WRAMC volunteer called wanting to take Jason to a baseball game on Sunday but Jason is not a baseball fan. If I were here I would have gone as it is being played in Camden Yards. I met the OT John Verdoni in the hall as he was collecting paperwork for his exit to civilian life. John said, "Jason has to come to OT, we need to work his left wrist." John also told me that Wally would be Jason's new OT. I passed the messages on to Jason when he returned from the hospital.

I was tired and was lying down when Jason returned from PT about 4 PM. "no sleeping," he said. Then Jason laid down on his bed rolled over and fell asleep till about 7 PM. I never fell asleep. The phone rang, Capt Spence was calling a friend of his in Mosul had been hit by a suicide bomber. Mark should arrive at WR any time, I assume Tuesday as that is when a flight from Landstuhl will arrive. I promised to go to ICU and see if I could find his wife/family as I thought they might have arrived on Sunday but they were not here. We will keep trying to find them.

Jason decided he wanted something to eat. I headed to Whole Foods for pasta for Jason and a tuna sandwich for me. After dinner Jodi called and I headed to WR to find Mark. I did not find him but instead found the family of Eric father of Gracie, if you remember from the blog, we celebrated her first birthday when Jason and Eric were on Ward 58. Eric is here for surgery, he needs to have a pump reinserted after he caught an infection. His family is looking forward to being able to build a home and keep Eric with them. Eric's father quit his job to stay at home to take care of Eric. I told Jason about them and we will try to visit for the week they are at WR. It will be good to see Gracie.

Please pray for Mark and his family, may his healing begin that he will not be a quadlapligic. Please pray for Eric and his family especially Gracie. Please pray that the HO does not return and that the HO growing in Jason's residual arm cease. Let us pray that exercises in PT and OT will provide Jason the ability to turn his wrist 100% and that his gait and step will continue to improve.

Note: as Jason and I were heading out yesterday, traffic on Georgia was being stopped at the gate. Jason said, "Somebody must be visiting WR." The buzz is "The President visited on Easter." I was told his visit was on TV so you might have seen the President, we missed the motorcade. If you can access the Washington Post, the Easter Service at Walter Reed was a story in today's paper. The soldier I attended the service with was interviewed for the article.

Tests Scheduled; Good Thoughts and Prayers Requested

2006-04-17T11:27:00.000-05:00

This afternoon, Jason scheduled tests for the reversal of surgery done in Bilad Iraq. If the tests are postive that his lower digestive system has healed, his last (we hope and pray) surgery will be scheduled.

Jason will have a barium test done of his lower digestive system on Tuesday at 8:30 AM. This test is to provide the surgeons with information for the actual reversal surgery.

Jason will have a pressure test done of his lower disgestive system on Wednesday at 8:30 AM. This test will reveal if his lower disgestive system is healed and working properly.

Please pray for the complete healing of Jason's lower digestive system and that his reversal surgery will be a success.

Easter Sunday

2006-04-16T11:47:00.000-05:00

For Easter, it is a beautiful blue sky day in DC with the trees and bushes in full bloom. Yesterday I saw my favorite spring vine wisteria blooming (look like bunches of living grapes; on vines or pruned to be "trees.").

Jason kept the pain pump in overnight. Doc had said that he put extra in so Jason received about 470 cc's of medication over the two days he was wearing the pump. Jason also is taking 2 percocets regularly saying, "my arm does hurt." His hand is having swelling so Jason is trying to keep it elevated on a pillow when he lies down. Jason keeps saying, "My knuckles looks so funny." When he goes to PT on Monday, I am sure they will check his arm. Jason said that the bloc kept his arm paralyzed and fingers numb. As Sunday went on his hand "became more normal feeling." Jason feels the bandage is a "huge_______" and much heavier than expected. It limits the range of motion in his left wrist so Jason cannot tell if there is improvement at this point. The Doc said he would put as much support as thought Jason needed after the surgery, so he must have felt Jason needed "very close to an actual cast."

Friday during surgery prep; the anesthestist had said, "When the pain meds run out from the pain pump, you can easily pull out the tube." Gulp, this morning it was time to bite the bullet, do the deed. I knew I couldn't talk Jason to go to ER to have it removed, I wasn't even going to try. The tube, where it enters Jason's skin tissue is double the width of a human hair-very fine. They wrap coils of this very fine tube around the entrance site, hold it down with the serri strips, (narrow bandage strips) three in this case, then apply what I would call a "glad wrap" sticky patch about 4 inches square to keep it all in place. Now Jason has chest hair and all this sticky stuff is very stuck to the hair. I took scissors because I thought I would be able lift up and to cut the patch away. Jason didn't yell but he pursed his lips so tight my heart got stuck in my throat which made it harder for me to concentrate on finding where the insert site was and to continue to remove the wrap even as I knew it was hurting him. I cut and pulled and cut and pulled until I had about an inch square junk left. I knew I had to be over the site, so trusting I began to pull up and out.

Then my mouth fell open as I pulled out and pulled out tubing (I felt like a magician pulling scarfs out of hat) "Jason, this tube is long!" (another thing the doc didn't tell me to be prepared for!). About 6 inches of tubing was removed from Jason's shoulder (who knows where the "below the elbow nerve" is located.) It is marked every inch or so, so I kept looking for these little blue markers, finally it ended. It was out with hardly a mark in his skin except for some of the sticky patch, I said, "Jason, that will come off in the shower". Of course, I have no idea how long as Jason still has the strips on his bottom from surgery on the 2/28. This stuff sticks! But I am glad the tube is out and I don't ever want to be called on to do it again. Thanks be to God.

Jason felt much better after being "freed from the pain pump." Jason reminded me of when he had his butt vacs removed. He said, "Let's go to a movie" So off we headed to Silver Spring giving Jason his first ride in his new loaner Nissan Pathfinder. We went to see the "Scary Movie 4," Jason warned me it will have "really, really bad writing." The movie did not disappoint us with good writing. As I had not seen numbers 1-3, I really can't compare to 1 and 2 which Jason liked. I thought some of the "gags" were over the top, but that is what I expected, so it met my expectations. But you need to be "movie and TV savvy" as it is a movie spoofing the latest happenings in the media including War of the Worlds, Brokeback Mountain and the Oprah Winfrey show. Jason had to explain the connections to me.

Jason spent the day finishing off his pizza saying, "Don't have much of an appetite." After the movie we stopped off at Whole Foods for a salad and a slice of baked ham for my Easter dinner. When we got back to the room, I ate dinner and Jason and I watched "Groundhog Day" about Punxtawney (hometown of my father Joseph Zatsick) and February 2 with Bill Murray. It was such a beautiful late afternoon I decided to walk my 2.5 miles around the track. The azaleas are in full bloom, the almond blossoms are fading. The ground was covered with squirrels and flocks of male robins looking for dinner. The flicker was back looking so beautiful with his red cap and black chest band. I wept at the beauty of God's creation and what humanity is doing to the earth.

After my walk I decided to phone visit with my sister Tina in Livonia, her son Mike and our cousin Mike who lives next door. They are all doing well and it was good "being with them" by phone. I called my friend Cindy whom I have known since we moved to Blacksburg VA in 1979. Cindy and I worked to start a hospice for the New River Valley. She has suffered a number of losses recently and we shared our stories of grief and the process of healing. We shared our belief in the Communion of Saints and how deceased patients and family members are our saints whom we call upon to "be with us in our time of suffering." I told Cindy of how I pray to all the soldiers I ministered to in my hospice chaplaincy and know these good soldier saints are watching over Jason and helping in his healing. Soldiers from WWII, Korea and Vietnam surround Jason with love. It is so good to have such sisters as Cindy in faith to share and to support.

Easter Sunrise Service at WRAMC
Each year WR has an Easter service in the rose garden across from the original WR hospital, known as Building 1. This year it was the 50th year since Rev. Billy Graham spoke at the service. A newspaper article was flashed on the screen read in 1956 over 10000 folks came to hear Billy. This year (after 9/11 security measures, I am sure. Today I heard it was because President Bush made a visit to the hospital, but I cannot prove that.) I would say about 300 attended the service on a clear blue sky morning but very chilly. I was glad I wore a sweater and coat. This year the Rev David Graham his son and successor gave the homily. His own son is a Army Ranger and is "somewhere in Iraq." I felt connected to him, for David is where I was emotionally and spiritually for all of 2005 "Will Jason come back from Iraq?" and praying that would do so.

The music was fantastic with the Army Chorus and Ricky Skaggs and his wife Sharon White singing "The Old Rugged Cross" and "Somebody's Praying" which brought tears to my eyes. A volunteer at WRAMC Gracie Rosenberger from TN who had both legs amputated in a car accident in 1983 also sang and has a beautiful voice. She could speak directly to the loss of the soldiers, "I know what it's like to pull back the bedsheet and see less of your body and wonder 'Am I going to be a freak? Will people stare? Will people accept me?'"

The Rev. Graham's homily and understanding of the death of Jesus did not agree with my own theology so it was difficult for me "to stay with him." His request for us to have a personal relationship with Jesus (Christianity is the only religion which saves) and that the "Bible was historically correct" jarred my soul. Certainly his prayer for the troops and for the healing of the soldiers here at WR was supportive to those attending.

Katy's Reflection on the Death of Jesus and Resurrection of Jesus
(Rev David's homily made me ponder once again my own understanding of the resurrection event)

Humanity "never fell from grace into sin in the garden." Evolution, supported by evidence found by paleontologists reveals the opposite. Humanity gained consciousness of self and the search for meaning-God through evolution from common ancestors. I call it a 'reverse fall'-up from animal consciousnesss to a human consciousness that experiences life as, "I am an individual identity." The God of Evolution can best be described as Mystery hidden both in the development of human DNA with its consciousness and the ongoing creation of new universes, planets and stars. We know that evolution is always toward complexity and humans, plants and animals continue to evolve. Suffering is inherent in all living systems: trees, plants, birds and animals all get sick, age, get hurt, and ultimately die. One Mystery created and continues to create both life and death: it is our reality and the reality of universes.

Jesus was born, lived and died a Jew. Jesus was killed for political reasons by the religious leaders of his time-just as Jeremiah was thrown down a well to die and Joseph sold into Egyptian slavery. (Just as Joan of Ark died in fire and many other examples of Christian murder of those who challenged the status quo/systems of power) The God of Mystery is not a child abuser. God did not require Jesus to die on the cross "to save us," human sin of desire for power tortured and killed Jesus. What did Jesus do and why do we celebrate his life and resurrection?

Jesus' life overturned the ruling paradigm of human behavior from one of self interest to one he named "the Reign of God." Its hallmarks are physical, emotional and spiritual healing, sacrifice for the other, love for others as one is to love oneself, and reconciliation within the community. We are "not the individuals of consciousness created in us by evolution" but to be fully human are embedded in loving, caring, sharing circles of compassion and altruism. Immediately after the death and resurrection of Jesus:

The first Christian communities of Acts 4:32-35:
"The community of believers was of one heart and mind, and no one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they had everything in common...There was no needy person among them, for those who owned property or houses would sell them, bring the proceeds of the sale, and put them at the feet of the apostles, and they were distributed to each according to need."

This is the Christian paradigm of community and theology as St. Ireanus wrote, "God is the human fully alive." That is who Jesus is, why He rose, and why He lives today. Jesus IS the human fully alive and his Love is our own to live and breathe and in whom we have our being. We are called to live in the Reign of God and to enflesh it as Jesus and the early Christian communities did. In our time and place Compassion is found in all non-violent movements for justice and peace whether in the political, social, earth's environment, or religious life of our communities, nations and the world.

When we choose to enter into the Christian life enfleshing the reign of God in works for justice and peace, we enter into Mystery/God at a new level and resurrection continues: Life, Death and Life restored. I could write more but this is a beginning as I again participate in resurrection; this year especially after Jason's near death. May Jason live a life of resurrection, walking in a garden of delight in life filled with pleasure and rich experiences beyond my prayers for him. Surely, the God who is creating universes will create such a life of blessings for Jason. This is my hope of resurrection Easter 2006.